The Strategic Wedding Registry

wedding gifts

The Strategic Wedding Registry (cont.)

Alternative Registries

Charity registries.
If helping others rather than getting a better mixer is more your style, try signing up for an online charity registry such as the I Do Foundation.

Honeymoon registries.
These sites allow you to plan your honeymoon—from the airfare to the mud baths—and your guests to pay for these activities. Honeyfund is one of the few that don’t charge a service fee.

Adventure registries.
At Cloud 9 Living, wedding guests can buy you “experiences,” like dune buggying in Las Vegas or spelunking in Texas. You select a geographic region, price, and type of adventure (among the types are “driving,” “water & snow,” and “action & adventure”), and then choose from a range of activities.

GLASSWARE

Glasses break all the time. If you register for pricey glasses, it’ll cost you that much more to replace your set when you break them.

You don’t need a bunch of different-size glasses. Get something versatile that works for what you drink most often. Tall water glasses, for example, can double as highballs. Attractive juice glasses can work as tumblers. Unique tumblers look sharp holding everything from milk to wine. Riedel “O”s do the job as wineglasses, juice glasses, and tumblers. Bodum double-walled glasses could hold a martini, orange juice, wine, or milk. And you can serve just about anything in a goblet.

PLATES

Measure your cupboards, dishwasher, and table, and compare to plate sizes. “We registered for chargers [big plates], and they didn’t fit on our table,” says Margaret Magnarelli, a New York–based magazine editor.

People who never eat off china often register for it anyway, because they worry it’s their only chance to get such a luxury item. But you won’t use china as often as you think, and your tastes may change, making the pattern you love now seem dated in a few years. CHOW recommends picking out neutral, dishwasher-safe dishes that can be used every day, but that are elegant enough for entertaining when dressed up with the right serving pieces and linens. The classy French porcelain line Apilco is a good bet. Or the Eva Zeisel collection. If and when your tastes change, the subtle patterns won’t be annoying, and you can switch them up with colored or patterned chargers and salad plates.

If you’re worried about space, don’t sign up for salad and dessert plates. Inexpensive appetizer plates can double as both, and they’re a classy addition at parties.

FLATWARE

Things to consider:
  • You don’t need tiny forks, because how often are you going to eat oysters?
  • Pieces that have a lot of curlicues and details are going to wear strangely, and dings will be more noticeable.
  • Think about how a piece feels in your mouth (yes, most stores will let you put flatware in your mouth) and in your hand.
  • Will you want to use it every day?
  • Remember, your tastes will change. You may have liked the Tuscany look three years ago, but now you’re into midcentury modern. Choose simple flatware, and you’ll probably like it longer.
POST A COMMENT |10 Comments

COMMENT

  • When I first started to plan my wedding, I wasn't sure that I really needed anything new. After discussing it with a few of my girlfriends who had been married recently, I became convinced that registries were useful to guests, in order to help them buy you something you actually like and can use, as well as those being married. I was very careful not to put many items that were very expensive on...+READ

    When I first started to plan my wedding, I wasn't sure that I really needed anything new. After discussing it with a few of my girlfriends who had been married recently, I became convinced that registries were useful to guests, in order to help them buy you something you actually like and can use, as well as those being married. I was very careful not to put many items that were very expensive on my registry. In the past, I've attended a few weddings where I was stunned that the cheapest thing on the registry was over $100. That being said, I was stunned and hearted when a few family members and family friends actually bought the few rather embarrassingly expensive items I had placed on the registry, like a 14-cup Cuisinart, a 6-qt Kitchenaid mixer and a 7-qt Le Creuset pot (I cook a lot for large gatherings. So I actually use these.). So, also, don't be afraid to register for a few things you or your household dream of. As a side note, I registered at Macys because it was easy for family and friends from across the country to shop from online and in person. They also have a marvelous return policy, and they have wonderful benefits. For instance, 6 weeks after your wedding they give you a gift card equal to %5 of the total value of your registry (minus any returns), and they give you %20 off any unpurchased items left on your registry. On top of all of the that, they almost always have a sale of some sort happening; thus, my guests were able to spend far less on gifts.-COLLAPSE

  • Joannabar: don't know where you lived when you first married, but gift registry was well known when I married in 1957.
    I find the registry more helpful than ever these days. So many brides now have had their own apartments for a long time. They may have purchased many of the staples that have always been popular weddings gifts...toaster, blender, food processor, etc.
    I do think a registry...+READ

    Joannabar: don't know where you lived when you first married, but gift registry was well known when I married in 1957.
    I find the registry more helpful than ever these days. So many brides now have had their own apartments for a long time. They may have purchased many of the staples that have always been popular weddings gifts...toaster, blender, food processor, etc.
    I do think a registry should reflect a wide price range.-COLLAPSE

  • I've always liked the idea of a registry. It gives you a good idea of what they want, and need. If they ask for Teflon but you're planning to get cephalon, just make sure it doesn't do something weird, like turn everything purple, that might make them wish you'd stuck to the register. I would love to get a hand-made quilt, or something similar, but I agree that if you're just starting out, you...+READ

    I've always liked the idea of a registry. It gives you a good idea of what they want, and need. If they ask for Teflon but you're planning to get cephalon, just make sure it doesn't do something weird, like turn everything purple, that might make them wish you'd stuck to the register. I would love to get a hand-made quilt, or something similar, but I agree that if you're just starting out, you kind of also want pots and pans.-COLLAPSE

  • When I got married, some good friends got me salt and pepper shakers from the registry. They were not terribly expensive, but more than I would have spent. I still think they're lovely, still use them everyday, and still think of those friends (who I'm not in such close touch with) very often. I also still love my dishes. I don't know who got me which ones, but I know they, as a set, are from my...+READ

    When I got married, some good friends got me salt and pepper shakers from the registry. They were not terribly expensive, but more than I would have spent. I still think they're lovely, still use them everyday, and still think of those friends (who I'm not in such close touch with) very often. I also still love my dishes. I don't know who got me which ones, but I know they, as a set, are from my parents' friends. The marriage is long over, but am glad for these tangible signs of support.
    I do wish we would have been more creative in what we registered for. We stayed at one dept store, mostly just a couple departments.
    My 2p on registeries--
    1. Why not give the couple what they want? Maybe what you're getting them will 'fit in' because it's just like one they already have or, as someone already mentioned, if they don't have much, who are you to override their ideas of what they need most?
    2. As a friend told me when I was reluctant to register "Your parents have been paying into this system for years. Now it's your family's turn to get something out of it". Crass, but true.-COLLAPSE

  • I find out their colors and make the happy couple a quilt. If it does not fit their decor, it always make a wonderful picnic blanket or something soft for the babies to play on when they arrive.

    I think gift registries have their place, but I recently went to a bridal shower where nothing left on the registry was under $150. Nice if you know a few others who are going to the shower & want to...+READ

    I find out their colors and make the happy couple a quilt. If it does not fit their decor, it always make a wonderful picnic blanket or something soft for the babies to play on when they arrive.

    I think gift registries have their place, but I recently went to a bridal shower where nothing left on the registry was under $150. Nice if you know a few others who are going to the shower & want to put their funds together for one smashing gift, but not so nice if you don't. I think that couples need to register at a variety of places so that their guests have a choice -- perhaps Macy's, W&S, Target, Home Depot..... Gift card are also a good choice.
    My son-in-law particularly appreciated a nice Home Depot card he received; newlyweds hang a lot of pictures, line a lot of shelves and retrofit a lot of closets, and all of that costs money that those newlyweds often don't have to spare. My thought is that the registry is a convenience for those who do not know the couple very well -- it shouldn't be used as a vehicle for the bride & groom to extort expensive gifts from their guests.

    When my daughter was married in Mexico 2 years ago, half of the 150 guests were Mexican. She had a registry that the US folks used, but the Mexicans gave her wonderful stuff, from local pottery to dishes to pewter. Many of the US gifts are in her china cabinet, yet to be used; the Mexican gifts are on display throughout her home, providing character and conversation.

    You might also consider giving "an experience" the newlyweds could enjoy together. I live in Philly, and there is a marvelous wine school here that offers classes for couples. Cooking classes are another option.-COLLAPSE

  • For couples that I am not that fond of, straight gift off the registry. But for those I truly like it's something off the registry and then something personal to go along with it. For example baking supplies off the registry and adding a baking spice package from Penzeys.

  • I see your point! Maybe you have a lovely circle of friends (or just one well-to-do one) who will band together and buy you a fabulous set of stainless steel, dishwasher safe All Clad. The 10 piece set is very expensive but I guarantee that you'll never need another pan, unless it is an unusual shape. They also come in 8 piece sets but if you have nothing much to start with, go ahead and register...+READ

    I see your point! Maybe you have a lovely circle of friends (or just one well-to-do one) who will band together and buy you a fabulous set of stainless steel, dishwasher safe All Clad. The 10 piece set is very expensive but I guarantee that you'll never need another pan, unless it is an unusual shape. They also come in 8 piece sets but if you have nothing much to start with, go ahead and register for the whole enchilada. If it were I who was giving you that, I'd throw in my favorite recipes (little Miss Personalization here) but I don't think you can register for those ;-) and then you could make dinner for all! Of course,that's for after the honeymoon...

    I've been married twice. The first time, in 1980, I don't think there were such things as registries. I did get a few odd presents (elaborate candles, an hour glass with dried flowers in it)but only one toaster. The second time around in 1999, and currently in effect marriage, I was talked into doing some registering because I really didn't have all that much "stuff", so I did just enough at Macy's and Williams Sonoma to give anyone who wanted to an idea of what we liked. If you invite me to your wedding I might still make up a picnic basket for you, but since I know you want a piece, one of the All Clad pans to go with it :-) AND a recipe or two.
    I hope you have the wedding of your dreams and the life you've always wanted!-COLLAPSE

  • I see your point! Maybe you have a lovely circle of friends (or just one well-to-do one) who will band together and buy you a fabulous set of stainless steel, dishwasher safe All Clad. The 10 piece set is very expensive but I guarantee that you'll never need another pan, unless it is an unusual shape. They also come in 8 piece sets but if you have nothing much to start with, go ahead and register...+READ

    I see your point! Maybe you have a lovely circle of friends (or just one well-to-do one) who will band together and buy you a fabulous set of stainless steel, dishwasher safe All Clad. The 10 piece set is very expensive but I guarantee that you'll never need another pan, unless it is an unusual shape. They also come in 8 piece sets but if you have nothing much to start with, go ahead and register for the whole enchilada. If it were I who was giving you that, I'd throw in my favorite recipes (little Miss Personalization here) but I don't think you can register for those ;-) and then you could make dinner for all! Of course,that's for after the honeymoon...

    I've been married twice. The first time, in 1980, I don't think there were such things as registries. I did get a few odd presents (elaborate candles, an hour glass with dried flowers in it)but only one toaster. The second time around in 1999, and currently in effect marriage, I was talked into doing some registering because I really didn't have all that much "stuff", but I did just enough at Macy's and Williams Sonoma to give anyone who wanted to an idea of what we liked. If you invite me to your wedding I might still make up a picnic basket for you, but since I know you want a piece, one of the All Clad pans to go with it :-) AND a recipe or two.
    I hope you have the wedding of your dreams and the life you've always wanted!-COLLAPSE

  • I understand wanting to buy the bride & groom a personalized gift. It is sweet and thoughtful and great if you know their tastes. But take it from me, getting married very shortly here, I have registered because these are things I really NEED and since people are gonna blow cash on me anyways, I would really love to have the All Clad pans, Le Creusets, etc. I have been dreaming of for years and...+READ

    I understand wanting to buy the bride & groom a personalized gift. It is sweet and thoughtful and great if you know their tastes. But take it from me, getting married very shortly here, I have registered because these are things I really NEED and since people are gonna blow cash on me anyways, I would really love to have the All Clad pans, Le Creusets, etc. I have been dreaming of for years and could never afford. People who know me best know that is a truly personal gift, even if it is from a registry.-COLLAPSE

  • I have a set of All-Clad stainless steel pots and pans I've been using for several years, and not once have I had anything stick "pretty easily". If something doesn't release right away, it only needs to soak with dish detergent for about an hour and then it will clean up with no problem. It takes just a minute or two to heat up and unlike cheaper and less well made cookware it has no cold spots....+READ

    I have a set of All-Clad stainless steel pots and pans I've been using for several years, and not once have I had anything stick "pretty easily". If something doesn't release right away, it only needs to soak with dish detergent for about an hour and then it will clean up with no problem. It takes just a minute or two to heat up and unlike cheaper and less well made cookware it has no cold spots. I'm convinced nothing will burn or stick to my All Clad, from melting chocolate to a chicken braise.
    You say it is a "great" basic to have stainless steel cookware. Your are probably thinking of Farberware or something like that, and I know from experience with my mother's above mentioned pans that food does stick to that surface in a flash. Of course that's from uneven heating and thin metal. If you pick up that kind of pan with too much force it will fly out of your hands. However, if you have friends who love you enough to get quality cookware so that you can make a great dinner for them, All Clad is the way to go. Calphalon One can handle metal utensils, but it is hard to sear meat in it and when the meat is finished, there are very few little bits to scrape off. The 5 quart Calphalon One saute pan is anything but light weight and does well with non-seared meats.

    I hate registries. It tells me what to buy and the fact that the couple knows how much I paid for it. I only look at the registry if I don't know the couple well. When I see the colors that they've chosen and the things they've chosen for their new home, I look for a gift that will fit in, or something they haven't thought of , like a well-outfitted picnic basket which I fill with non-perishable fun foods, recipes for picnic delicacies, and a bottle of wine, or if they aren't drinkers, sparkling apple juice.I also get that kind of thing for people I do know, and every couple has loved the idea. It takes a little more effort to do something like this, unlike simply buying off a registry or giving money, but in the end, to me at least, it is worth it and more fun to shop for.
    If you include the gift receipts, the couple can return anything they don't like, so why do they need a "best defense against unwanted items"? Besides all that, according to proper etiquette the bride and groom aren't supposed to shout out the fact that they even have a registry. A guest either guesses that they must have one somewhere or they have to call someone. Truthfully, how much fun is that?-COLLAPSE