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Dear Helena,
I was on my way home from seeing a movie in New York, and a couple of homeless people asked me for some change. I said I didn’t have any. But I did have half of a big box of malted milk balls left over from the movie. I said, “This is all I have,” and gave them the box. This seemed to enrage them. They followed me for a couple of blocks, yelling obscenities and actually pelting me with malted milk balls. I thought homeless people would be grateful for whatever they can get. Are there some types of food that are better to give them than others? And what is the best way to offer them the food? —Spare Candy
Dear Spare Candy,
It’s hard to generalize about what homeless people want—because, of course, they’re people, and people can be awfully different. But to get an idea of the preferences here in San Francisco, I did some interviews. I offered various folks one of the following: half a veggie burrito, a Granny Smith apple, or a couple of pistachio macaroons from Miette, a posh San Francisco patisserie. Then I asked them to explain their choice.
Laurence Halbert, 52, went for the burrito. Fruit is not desirable, he explained, saying: “It’s not filling.” Some homeless people don’t have good enough teeth to eat crunchy fruit like apples, said Denny McFarlane, 63. Besides, shelters often provide fruit. Or, he said, “I go to the farmers’ market and ask for one cherry tomato at each stall.”
Instead, McFarlane chose the pistachio macaroons. A friend, who did not wish to give his name or age, agreed: “You need a little sugar for the blood.” Often, they said, homeless people can get enough staples to eat from shelters or by using food stamps. What they really want is a treat—like cookies or cake.
McFarlane and his friend also said they’re tired of being offered half-eaten food items with “raggedy edges.” “You never know, [the person who left it] might have some kind of virus,” the friend said. McFarlane said, “When someone gives me a half-eaten burrito, I cut the end off and throw that part away.” So if you have a knife, it’s a nice gesture to cut off any part of the item you’ve bitten into.
You can’t always find a hungry homeless person right when you’re ready to ditch your leftovers. In that case, you can “replate” the food by wrapping it up and placing it on top of or by a trash can. At Replate.org, a website encouraging this behavior, you can even order stickers to mark the food.
Some might say replating is an excuse to avoid interacting with the homeless. But Josh Kamler, the site’s cocreator, said some homeless people may prefer replated food to accepting a doggy bag from a stranger. “Some people on the street don’t want to feel pity from those of us who happen to be more privileged.”
Others say that replating puts homeless people at risk, because someone might tamper with the replated food. But Kamler dismissed this as an overblown fear, like worrying about razor blades in apples at Halloween. I agree. You’d have to be a sick monster indeed to place a “replate” sticker on a poisoned burrito and leave it on top of a trash can.
If you choose to give directly, don’t just dump your offerings in homeless people’s laps. Then you’re assuming that they’ll accept anything you give them, in any condition. In other words, you’re treating them like starving dogs. Always ask the person if he or she wants the food first. Otherwise you could get pelted with it.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
Published September 25, 2007
Nothing makes you feel better than helping some fellow that is on the precipice to find sustenance.It reestablishes a feeling of kinship that city living has destroyed-how ever fleeting.
I live in Chicago and a small group of us pass out food and clothes to about 40-50 homeless people living under Lower Wacker Drive every Saturday. These people are extremely grateful and are always asking God's blessing on us. We feel that they are a blessing to us! We only serve food that we would eat ourselves. Just because people are homeless doesn't mean they deserve less. And when I crawl...+READ
I live in Chicago and a small group of us pass out food and clothes to about 40-50 homeless people living under Lower Wacker Drive every Saturday. These people are extremely grateful and are always asking God's blessing on us. We feel that they are a blessing to us! We only serve food that we would eat ourselves. Just because people are homeless doesn't mean they deserve less. And when I crawl into my comfortable bed at night, I thank God that I am not living on the street.-COLLAPSE
What a wonderful thread. There are many homeless individuals in Milwaukee, where my family lives, and in Berkeley, where I live currently. Every time it snows or rains, I feel amazing gratitude that I have a warm house and comfortable bed to sleep in. In Milwaukee, the shelters are far too few and small to accommodate the homeless population in the bitterly cold wintertime. When my friends invite...+READ
What a wonderful thread. There are many homeless individuals in Milwaukee, where my family lives, and in Berkeley, where I live currently. Every time it snows or rains, I feel amazing gratitude that I have a warm house and comfortable bed to sleep in. In Milwaukee, the shelters are far too few and small to accommodate the homeless population in the bitterly cold wintertime. When my friends invite me over to their places for impromptu weekday dinners, I feel so fortunate that I have a network of friends who call me over; I feel blessed to have a community, to be recognized, to be anchored.
I always see homeless individuals as people: no more or less human than I am. It's hard not to encounter a homeless man or woman walking around Berkeley. I usually give away my leftovers, asking nothing more elaborate than "would you like this food?" When I'm eating a big meal, I cut off my bitten portions because I know I can give the rest away and then box it. One time I was at a holiday event with lots of left over food, so I made a couple of plates and handed them to two people on the way home. Another time, a woman was trying to sell Street Spirit, the newspaper homeless people contribute to and sell to try to earn money. I offered to buy food on my way into the grocery store instead, and asked her if there was anything in particular she wanted. She said she would love rice with pork, so I bought her a small carton of pork fried rice and gave it to her on the way out. Another time, I waited for a very late bus near campus for an hour, talking to a man who took the bus late that night to get to the grocery store to buy bread, rice, and ham only to find that the store was closed. I thought he was homeless, but the food would have been for the girlfriend he shared a hotel room with. I let him call her on my cell phone to tell her he was okay and on his way home, and for the five minutes that he talked to her, I got a window into a rich world of love a support between imperfect but striving partners.
In each of these instances, the humanity of the recipients humbled me. The woman with the fried rice introduced herself and asked me my name with a thankfulness that spread across her face. The two men I separately gave hot plates to were visibly startled at my gesture. The man at the bus stop was grateful for the phone call, asked me about my life, and told me about the upcoming anniversary of his sobriety. While not every single person I have ever given food to has thanked me, these men and woman did so with sincerity and pride and I was blessed by the giving, however small.
We live in a society deeply and historically structured by racial, economic, gender, health, and other inequalities. It's not just that some people are privileged and others have had hard lives. I believe we are all implicated in the power relations that contribute to the well being of each other. This is equally true about the life chances of impoverished women, people of color, and youth. Giving leftover food is only a teeny tiny way to respond to the effects of inequality, so I work toward social justice in other ways. Nonetheless, I give food and recognition when I can. Hunger stings.-COLLAPSE
Thanks everyone for such an enlightening thread.
I never gave money to individuals because I was simple-minded to think that if they insisted on money instead of food, booze or drugs was probably on their agenda. Now I know better, even if I still have no idea how to best "help", short of giving to my trusted organisations and hoping for the best (and sorry, I have my own agenda of not...+READ
Thanks everyone for such an enlightening thread.
I never gave money to individuals because I was simple-minded to think that if they insisted on money instead of food, booze or drugs was probably on their agenda. Now I know better, even if I still have no idea how to best "help", short of giving to my trusted organisations and hoping for the best (and sorry, I have my own agenda of not contributing to facilitate b&d usage).
Before, I felt hurt and confused when someone asked me for food on my way into a grocery store, and then blatantly turned down the sandwich that I bought expressly for them. Now I understand there is so much more in the picture, things such as self-esteem, wanting to choose, preferences, need of other necessities or small luxuries (that is probably hard to bring up). How could I be so shallow-minded before?-COLLAPSE
This is the most worthwhile article I've seen under Table Manners, so thanks to Helena for that.
I think that Chuck has a point, that we are making ourselves feel better by giving in real time, when we can see who gets our money, but I think that there is also a different benefit to a homeless person who gets up the nerve to ask someone directly for money or food or cigarettes and gets to have...+READ
This is the most worthwhile article I've seen under Table Manners, so thanks to Helena for that.
I think that Chuck has a point, that we are making ourselves feel better by giving in real time, when we can see who gets our money, but I think that there is also a different benefit to a homeless person who gets up the nerve to ask someone directly for money or food or cigarettes and gets to have that person respond positively, in a way that acknowledges that homeless person. I don't think that just because it makes us feel better makes it useless -- but I do think overall giving to organizations usually accomplishes more.
I also think that it isn't totally unfair to think that homeless people who blatantly reject food or gifts might have a particular agenda (people who responded about how you can't assume all homeless people are drug users are completely correct, but I don't think that was really what was being said in the original post, they were just put off by the angry response to food) but in the specific case of half a box of candy, I don't blame the homeless people for being annoyed (though their response might have been out of proportion). If I were genuinely starving, half a box of candy for a couple of people would definitely seem to me exactly what Chuck described -- an empty act to make the giver feel better, while accomplishing nothing.-COLLAPSE
Although many have urges to help those in true need, there are real problems of substance abuse among panhandlers that cannot be denied.
One neighborhood on Washington, DC, passed a regulation prohibiting the sale of single servings of alcoholic beverages in their area which had been plagued by crimes such as assaults, public urination, drunk and disorderly, thefts, drug related crime, etc. The...+READ
Although many have urges to help those in true need, there are real problems of substance abuse among panhandlers that cannot be denied.
One neighborhood on Washington, DC, passed a regulation prohibiting the sale of single servings of alcoholic beverages in their area which had been plagued by crimes such as assaults, public urination, drunk and disorderly, thefts, drug related crime, etc. The area had a high number of panhandlers many of whom were homeless but left the area once they could no longer feed their alcohol habits with the proceeds of their begging. The number of police and ambulance calls and arrests dropped by more than half once the sales of alcohol in single servings were no longer available. Other neighborhoods are now passing similar rules and some would like to see a city-wide ban on single sales.
There are social services available of which the homeless often do not avail themselves. The goal should be to encourage them to seek help, not to enable their addictions by giving them money.-COLLAPSE
Actually, Chuck, it's not really about myself. Left to my own devices, I wouldn't give to anybody on the streets (I volunteer in shelters instead). To think that you're pleasing yourself b/c you give a homeless person a piece of apple or shampoo--regardless of what country you're in--well, let's just said that I find that quite a stretch. I usually have the opposite reaction, which is that I find...+READ
Actually, Chuck, it's not really about myself. Left to my own devices, I wouldn't give to anybody on the streets (I volunteer in shelters instead). To think that you're pleasing yourself b/c you give a homeless person a piece of apple or shampoo--regardless of what country you're in--well, let's just said that I find that quite a stretch. I usually have the opposite reaction, which is that I find the homelessness and hunger (both global and domestic) rather sad and depressing.
As for giving to organized charities, I'd say to look into them carefully and make sure the $$$ is actually going to those who needs these kinds of services the most.-COLLAPSE
This isn't really about the homeless, is it? It's about yourselves.
When you hand out pens or toiletries or whatever in India, you are turning regular local people into beggars. Many people there are poor and/or have lots of spare time, and so they have the time to hound you. But by giving them handouts you're creating a culture of begging, of "weird foreigners hand out free stuff at the...+READ
This isn't really about the homeless, is it? It's about yourselves.
When you hand out pens or toiletries or whatever in India, you are turning regular local people into beggars. Many people there are poor and/or have lots of spare time, and so they have the time to hound you. But by giving them handouts you're creating a culture of begging, of "weird foreigners hand out free stuff at the slightest provocation, let's go hassle them instead of doing something else". You're doing it to, um, pleasure yourself, damn the consequences.
Feeding the homeless in the US, in an ad hoc fashion, falls in the same category. It's mainly for your own benefit. There are many people who are genuinely needy and others for whom it is a profitable career choice. The money would be better spent giving to organized charities. And if a homeless person does not have hair conditioner, well, I realize that is a terrible tragedy but maybe there are a few other kinds of tragedies that are even more terrible.-COLLAPSE
I have started making some Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches to handout on the way to work. I always start with the “do you want a sandwich” – so I am not forcing food on them. I think PB & J is somewhat filling, cheap on my part, and easy to make, plus it will keeps fairly well. I have had very little negative reactions to anyone. I do wrap them individually in foil so it gives a nice neat...+READ
I have started making some Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches to handout on the way to work. I always start with the “do you want a sandwich” – so I am not forcing food on them. I think PB & J is somewhat filling, cheap on my part, and easy to make, plus it will keeps fairly well. I have had very little negative reactions to anyone. I do wrap them individually in foil so it gives a nice neat appearance. One guy did throw it on the ground – did not say anything to me and just threw it down. Whatever….one guy asked me for a pickle, and one person asked if I had any Tuna. That was weird. Sometimes people say “I really need a couple bucks today instead of the sandwich” – most of the time if I have it, I will give it to them.-COLLAPSE
Kumquat, re your point about travel-size hair conditioner, etc.: when I was traveling with a group in India, we would be mobbed by beggers all the time, including lots of young kids. Our driver mentioned that if we did not feel comfortable giving out money, we could give them any of our unused or semi-used shampoo, conditioners, bath gels, etc., that the hotel provides every day. It's not...+READ
Kumquat, re your point about travel-size hair conditioner, etc.: when I was traveling with a group in India, we would be mobbed by beggers all the time, including lots of young kids. Our driver mentioned that if we did not feel comfortable giving out money, we could give them any of our unused or semi-used shampoo, conditioners, bath gels, etc., that the hotel provides every day. It's not something that I would think to give myself--the things that we take for granted--but the people in India were so grateful for them that it was a great lesson learned on my part (besides, once again, being grateful for my charmed life).-COLLAPSE
Homeless does not always mean hungry. If someone is asking for money, maybe that is what they need. In small town, upstate NY, most of our homeless people have access to shelters and are at least warm in the winter. Although I never give money because I don't always know where it will be spent, offering food may not be at all what they are needing.
This is a sweet and well-intentioned article. I work with homeless individuals, and I understand that a lot of people don't have that first-hand experience. I'm impressed with the article and responses, but there are two fronts that I want to nitpick on: you can't totally vilify that population and you can't be hurt when they don't turn out to be saints.
A great deal of people who are homeless...+READ
This is a sweet and well-intentioned article. I work with homeless individuals, and I understand that a lot of people don't have that first-hand experience. I'm impressed with the article and responses, but there are two fronts that I want to nitpick on: you can't totally vilify that population and you can't be hurt when they don't turn out to be saints.
A great deal of people who are homeless became that way because of mental illness, alcoholism, and drug addiction. FAS can be a major factor, as well. Others, mostly women and youth, have histories of domestic abuse. Some lost their jobs, or their pensions weren't enough when they had to start paying for medications or other care for themselves or loved ones. Or any combination of the above.
Generally, homeless people can get the barest necessities from shelters and soup kitchens. If you give them money, don't be shocked that they might not spend it on a loaf of bread. Maybe they want to buy mouthwash or crack, or maybe they just want to get tampons when the shelter only has pads available. Or brand-new underwear. Maybe they want a Pepsi, a little luxury or something. Can you blame them? I personally never give money, and that's your own choice.
I remember a woman who would always ask for a 'toonie'. She wouldn't accept any substitute, not even a ten dollar bill. Another woman introduces her teddy bear. It can be devastating to face mental illness or developmental disability like that, but a "hello, how are you doing?" to the stuffed animal may be more important to her than a sandwich that day. If you listen, you might even hear that the teddy bear is feeling a bit hungry.
If you don't want to give money and you're afraid they'll reject your offer of food, but you want to make a gesture, keep a pack of cigarettes in your bag. It gives you a common ground, and it's generally very well appreciated, even if they decline.
Respecting the reality of a life on the street is a great contribution as it is. Society needs more of that. Speaking for the voiceless only makes them more invisible and appear less human.-COLLAPSE
kumquat, that was a great post. thank you.
also, if I were homeless I think I'd probably like a drink too. I always give money when I have it and the situation doesn't seem dangerous, just because I'm giving someone money doesn't mean its any of my business how they spend it.
I just discovered Chow and was amazed to see this article and discussion in this context. I work at a daytime shelter for homeless women. As noted in the article, homeless people are as varied as anyone else with unique tastes & preferences & personalities. I would just note that folks often ask for money for food because they think that is what people will donate for. However, in my experience,...+READ
I just discovered Chow and was amazed to see this article and discussion in this context. I work at a daytime shelter for homeless women. As noted in the article, homeless people are as varied as anyone else with unique tastes & preferences & personalities. I would just note that folks often ask for money for food because they think that is what people will donate for. However, in my experience, the women at our shelter often need cold, hard small sums of cash for: transportation, prescription copays (even at 1-3 dollars without a job, that's tough), tampons, storage fees (unless you want to own more than a backpack worth of things, you need to pay), chapstick, culturally appropriate hair products, backpacks, properly fitting shoes, etc. While you can get many things from shelters, they don't always have what you need when you need it. I always try to imagine myself homeless because of where I work and I realize that I would need so much money just for hair conditioner. While shelters always have the travel sizes, most conditioners don't do anything for the snarls in my hair and at home I need to use huge handfuls. This is SUCH a minor thing (heck, I don't even style my hair or buy expensive stuff) but it would be really hard to feel human if I was always begging for extra conditioners and always having my hair a big snarly mess. Think about the damage to the self esteem if every day is a bad hair day or, if cosmetics are important to you, that you can NEVER buy a lipstick or a foundation. That is such a tremendously insignificant thing so then magnify that by never getting to choose your clothes, your footwear, what your menu options will be, what time you go to bed or get up or when you can take a shower...and go through it without knowing when it will end. Many of the women at the shelter I work at have slid down due to domestic violence, losing a job, having a health issue, etc. They were used to living a certain way and are now at the mercy of housing lists.
Of course, I'm not denying that many folks also are looking for their next fix...but I just wanted to list some other daily necessities that folks are hoping to get cash for when they turn down leftovers.-COLLAPSE
I don't know why everybody assumes that a homeless person needs money for booze or drugs. While that is a possibility, it is also possible that they need money for other things besides food, alcohol and drugs. If you were homeless, what would you need? Would you like to go to goodwill and get yourself a jacket once, or a shirt? If you were living in the projects would you like to pay your...+READ
I don't know why everybody assumes that a homeless person needs money for booze or drugs. While that is a possibility, it is also possible that they need money for other things besides food, alcohol and drugs. If you were homeless, what would you need? Would you like to go to goodwill and get yourself a jacket once, or a shirt? If you were living in the projects would you like to pay your electricity bill? If you had a child would you like to buy something for him or her? When we give money we don't make a statement about the homeless person, we make a statement about who we are and who we want to be. So, I say, give generously. God only knows that wealth is not fairly distributed in this society.
Rita-COLLAPSE
I regularly give food to homeless people, and I have been told by several that anything sweet isn't good because not only do homeless people often have missing teeth, but the teeth that they do have tend to have painful cavities.
My boyfriend buys gift cards to local McDonald's etc. and will hand those out when people ask him for money. He's never gotten a bad response (maybe because it gives...+READ
I regularly give food to homeless people, and I have been told by several that anything sweet isn't good because not only do homeless people often have missing teeth, but the teeth that they do have tend to have painful cavities.
My boyfriend buys gift cards to local McDonald's etc. and will hand those out when people ask him for money. He's never gotten a bad response (maybe because it gives them some ability to choose their own food) and it makes him feel better about not supporting their drug/alcohol addiction.-COLLAPSE
Complicated subject. You ask "how to feed the homeless" but there is no right or wrong answer. You feed people with your heart--whether you know them or not. I don't give money (not from principle, just because I don't have any "extra" money), but I give shoes, socks clothes, towels, and food. I usually deliver to those who do not ask - who are really in no condition to get up off the sidewalk....+READ
Complicated subject. You ask "how to feed the homeless" but there is no right or wrong answer. You feed people with your heart--whether you know them or not. I don't give money (not from principle, just because I don't have any "extra" money), but I give shoes, socks clothes, towels, and food. I usually deliver to those who do not ask - who are really in no condition to get up off the sidewalk. There are a lot of mentally ill folks. You do have to be careful--I've had a scarey encounter where someone came at me aggressively. I only deliver things when I have a man with me, either my dad, or my husband. My husband is opposed to what I do, but he's a big guy and will go with me just to make sure I am okay. I don't engage in conversation or take anyone anywhere. I usually say very little. I am deeply saddened and concerned that we live in the richest country in the world, and here in southern California, perhaps because of the gentle climate, we have a lot of people sleeping on the sidewalks. Very sad.-COLLAPSE
They didn't want food, they wanted money. My wife has been approached several times by homeless people for money. She always offers to take them to a place to buy food (pizza, burgers, dogs, etc) and has always been turned down for various reasons. Even when she offers to take care of their objections, they still refuse the food and want the money. I have seen other people offer to buy food for...+READ
They didn't want food, they wanted money. My wife has been approached several times by homeless people for money. She always offers to take them to a place to buy food (pizza, burgers, dogs, etc) and has always been turned down for various reasons. Even when she offers to take care of their objections, they still refuse the food and want the money. I have seen other people offer to buy food for homeless people and be turned down for similar reasons.-COLLAPSE
just last night leaving a soup, sandwich & salad joint around 8 in the evening, hubby and i were stopped by a homeless man who saw we had a doggie bag. he asked if he could have our food... hubby said sure, its a few pieces of bread (very delicious honey wheat bread that we paid extra for, just to take home for sandwiches the next day). homeless guy said "bread? i don't want any bread," and...+READ
just last night leaving a soup, sandwich & salad joint around 8 in the evening, hubby and i were stopped by a homeless man who saw we had a doggie bag. he asked if he could have our food... hubby said sure, its a few pieces of bread (very delicious honey wheat bread that we paid extra for, just to take home for sandwiches the next day). homeless guy said "bread? i don't want any bread," and walked away! another homeless guy overheard this, said "is there really bread in there? can i have it?" and we gave it away.
i dunno, i guess homeless people have likes and dislikes just like everyone, and now i see that maybe the first guy had access to bread at a shelter or something and bread just wasn't as appealing as a sandwich might have been. but i still feel that if you're truly hungry enough to eat a stranger's leftovers, you'd take whatever was in the bag.
another time while vacationing in nyc, we were asked for "spare change for food." we happened to be going into a fast food place, and hubby bought the guy a full meal of a couple burgers and fries. tried to give it to him on our way out and he turned up his nose. i can only assume he wanted change for drugs or drink, which is why i don't typically give to panhandlers.-COLLAPSE
When I lived and worked in the city, there were many homeless people. I always felt compassion for them and realized that many circumstances led them to their situation. I never gave them money, but would give food.
I had one very scary experience one time. I had gone out to my car while at work and on my way back to the office, there was a homeless man with a cart. I looked at him as I passed...+READ
When I lived and worked in the city, there were many homeless people. I always felt compassion for them and realized that many circumstances led them to their situation. I never gave them money, but would give food.
I had one very scary experience one time. I had gone out to my car while at work and on my way back to the office, there was a homeless man with a cart. I looked at him as I passed (I always looked because I thought it would be rude to ignore someone), anyhow, he started yelling and screaming at me. I kept walking and he started to come at me with a shovel. I ran as fast as I could with him on my heels (high heels at that) and struggled to get my passkey for the building. I was so grateful that I got into the building. The experience made me more cautious.-COLLAPSE
I totally agree with Quest in that the milk ball pelting was probably because what they really wanted was money for alcohol or drugs. I don't have a problem with alcoholics and drug addicts (and I can certainly appreciate how someone's life can be so bad that they turn down that route), but I don't particularly feel compelled to financially support their habit. I love my drink and if I want to...+READ
I totally agree with Quest in that the milk ball pelting was probably because what they really wanted was money for alcohol or drugs. I don't have a problem with alcoholics and drug addicts (and I can certainly appreciate how someone's life can be so bad that they turn down that route), but I don't particularly feel compelled to financially support their habit. I love my drink and if I want to pay for someone to booze it up, it's going to be me :-). That's why I never have and never will give change to a panhandler.-COLLAPSE
I don't tend to give change because I hate bringing attention to my purse/wallet in public. But when I used to smoke I'd offer cigarettes and I don't think anyone ever turned me down. I smoked little enough that my packs would go stale anyway.
:o-- mouth wide open - that must cost you a furtune, beevod! no way, at least one beer or cigy per year for each and a job application with any mention of an extra drink. You're working for them! they totally got you dude ..
In my neighborhood there are several homeless who, because they ask for it, I keep supplied with alcohol and cigarettes
they pelted you with the malted milk balls because they really wanted money for booze! that's what I believe when homeless are picky and finicky about what foods are given to them. But then again, they might not be hungry and just need the change for something else, or they're saving up for something big. Who knows! I say, if they ask for change, give 'em change. If they are hungry, treat them :)
Excellent article, and very thoughtful to ask homeless people for their opinion as part of research.
Great article. I never give money, but once in a while, esp. if it's a really cold night or hot day, I will give them whatever leftovers I have on me or take them to the local deli and buy them something.
I always ask them what they want to eat, and if its pretty close, I'll walk over with them. Once I was in a radius of 4 different lunch by the pound places and the guy said that all of them...+READ
Great article. I never give money, but once in a while, esp. if it's a really cold night or hot day, I will give them whatever leftovers I have on me or take them to the local deli and buy them something.
I always ask them what they want to eat, and if its pretty close, I'll walk over with them. Once I was in a radius of 4 different lunch by the pound places and the guy said that all of them weren't to his liking, but that I was a good person. (I think he just really wanted the money.)
I once had a great conversation with a former Alaskan cannery worker and veteran since we were looking around for groceries. We finally located one, and the cop inside said, "You're violating the open container law" to which I responded, "lay off, he's with me." He wanted a sandwich and some OJ, which is what he got. The veteran noticed that I seemed lonelier than him, which was probably true at the time.
One of the weirdest times was when I left a caribbean place and the guy took my leftover fish, and then asked for a knife and fork. But I guess this article explains that.
I have to say that the scariest time was in broad daylight at 4pm in DC, when I agreed to help one man out, who was not mentally balanced at all. He showed me all of his scars, and kept commenting that he wished he had a good woman like me. I started panicking a little because all the delis were closed and we had to keep looking, and he kept asking me for money. Staying there, and walking around with him was definitely one of the stupider things I've ever done, but I finally found a Starbucks, and he had to go use the restroom. So I paid for a sandwich, explained the situation, and told the barista to give that and the change to him, and I fled. I have never been so happy to find a Starbucks.
I used to bring people to the eats place of their choice nearby, but I don't do it as much anymore because the DC incident really freaked me out. Now it's just if I happen to have some food on me, and I wish it was different, but I have to also be conscious of my safety.-COLLAPSE
Nice to see this posted. I just want to say that only give away food that will not cause a person on the street to get sick. Don't give food that's been sitting in your hot car, and don't leave food that could spoil easily on top of the trashcan. Also, if a homeless person gets irate easily, it may have something to do with mental illness and not the food/change situtation.
When we were in India, I saw homeless people and beggars that made the ones here look like John D. Rockefeller or something. We'd go out to eat and get massive amounts of food that we couldn't finish, and I felt terrible at the thought of it being thrown away, so we'd have it packed and then give it to a beggar afterwards. It seemed to really be appreciated no matter what it was (even if it was...+READ
When we were in India, I saw homeless people and beggars that made the ones here look like John D. Rockefeller or something. We'd go out to eat and get massive amounts of food that we couldn't finish, and I felt terrible at the thought of it being thrown away, so we'd have it packed and then give it to a beggar afterwards. It seemed to really be appreciated no matter what it was (even if it was non-veg).
Here, I just give to the local food banks but not to people on the street--there just aren't that many in our semi-rural area.-COLLAPSE
I don't give money to the homeless, but I'd never give a homeless person my leftovers, either. I can't articulate why, but that just seems cruel.
In the past, if I'm going into the Wawa and a person is asking for change, I'll hand him a bagel with cream cheese or a little turkey and cheese hoagie and a banana or an apple on my way out. Now I know to add some cookies, too.
Great article.
I refuse to give money to homeless people, but I'm very happy to share whatever food I can with them. My most memorable experience was back in Ottawa with a woman who was pregnant and clearly in drug withdrawal. I ran into her walking on the way home from grocery shopping and when I told her that I had no spare change, she asked if I could part with some food. I assembled her a bag with some...+READ
I refuse to give money to homeless people, but I'm very happy to share whatever food I can with them. My most memorable experience was back in Ottawa with a woman who was pregnant and clearly in drug withdrawal. I ran into her walking on the way home from grocery shopping and when I told her that I had no spare change, she asked if I could part with some food. I assembled her a bag with some bananas, bread, juice, etc. and she was so thankful for it that we sat and talked for about half an hour. It was fascinating to hear about her life and the circumstances that had led to her homelessness; really a very enriching experience for me.
I've seen and heard about more than a few horrible situations regarding offering food to the homeless here in my new hometown of Toronto. I was at a streetcar stop once when a homeless man approached a woman and asked for spare change. The woman said that she would be happy to buy the man a pastry and a cup of coffee, and the man became quite enraged and started screaming. Thank goodness it was busy there, or I fear what might have happened to that woman. Horrible, because it discourages people from helping in general, and there are plenty of homeless people who would be grateful for such an offer.
This was a very refreshing and interesting idea for the Table Manners column, and I really enjoyed this article!-COLLAPSE
I generally either ask them what they would like - if I'm by some restaurant, I'll ask them if I can get them something from there. Or I will get them what I would want in their position. One of the nicest conversations I've ever had on the subject was on a hot night on South Street. Asked for money, no cash, so I stopped at a Haagen-Daaz and bought a milkshake. The gentleman's response was that...+READ
I generally either ask them what they would like - if I'm by some restaurant, I'll ask them if I can get them something from there. Or I will get them what I would want in their position. One of the nicest conversations I've ever had on the subject was on a hot night on South Street. Asked for money, no cash, so I stopped at a Haagen-Daaz and bought a milkshake. The gentleman's response was that you need to eat to live, but sometimes it's just nice to enjoy yourself (and a five dollar milkshake is not something he would have bought, even if he had the money).-COLLAPSE