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Dear Helena,
Many people require you to take your shoes off when you enter their house. I have a big problem with this. I have really freakishly short legs, and when I go to a party, I always wear heels. I don’t feel pretty unless I’m wearing them. I’m sure I’m not the only one with these insecurities. Why can’t people just relax and get a little dirt on their floor for the sake of their friends’ comfort and sanity? —Shoe Fly
Dear Shoe Fly,
Just as restaurants can refuse service if you come in shoeless, people have the right to ask you to remove your footwear in their homes (particularly, of course, if your shoes are muddy or wet). In many Asian cultures, guests are expected to remove their shoes. Masahiko Minami, professor of Japanese at San Francisco State University, explains how the custom originated in Japan: “In traditional homes, you sit and sleep on the floor, on tatami mats or cushions, so it’s very important to keep the floor clean. Also, historically, Japanese people wore slippers or clogs, and it’s much easier to just slip those off than to unlace your shoes.” Today, many Westerners have adopted the custom of asking visitors to remove their shoes.
Bad idea, in my opinion. Shoes do bring dirt into the house, but cleaning the floor is just one of the chores you have to do after entertaining, like collecting empty beer bottles. When your guests arrive, they want you, the host, to take their coats and offer them a refreshing drink. They don’t want to fumble with their footwear like they’re in line for an airport security checkpoint. For many people, particularly ones with ugly feet or smelly socks, going shoeless can seem too intimate. “Some people feel exposed. It feels like taking off some of your clothes,” says Whitney Van Nouhuys, a Berkeley, California, psychologist who maintains a “shoes off” household.
If you’re going to host a gathering and request that people take their shoes off, at least give them a heads-up. Recently I went to a dinner where the hosts asked me to remove my red boots, explaining: “The floors are bamboo laminate, and we don’t want to diminish the resale value of our house.” Not only was I instantly depressed by the mention of real estate; I also had to sacrifice an essential part of my outfit and expose my shabby socks.
But let’s face it: There’s no such thing as sexy socks. This doesn’t matter if you’re hosting a family gathering, but in my view, it’s something to consider if you’re throwing a cocktail party. Slip on a pair of stilettos, and you’re immediately in the mood to drink and flirt. Strip to your socks, and you’ll be craving cocoa and board games.
Those wishing to establish a shoeless home might consider stocking up on inexpensive pretty slippers. They’re not as provocative as stilettos, but they’re a lot hotter than socks.
Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena. Read more Table Manners.
In some Eastern cultures, as a practice that has been adopted by some in the West, leaving one's shoes at the door is an energetic/symbolic gesture of leaving the world behind and entering/creating a special space. I think it's best for hosts who embrace no-shoes for whatever reason to encourage that but not require it of their guests. And it can be healthy for guests to take a look at their...+READ
In some Eastern cultures, as a practice that has been adopted by some in the West, leaving one's shoes at the door is an energetic/symbolic gesture of leaving the world behind and entering/creating a special space. I think it's best for hosts who embrace no-shoes for whatever reason to encourage that but not require it of their guests. And it can be healthy for guests to take a look at their attachments to shoes and what they're really objecting to.-COLLAPSE
I have a no shoes rule in my home. After living in Ny, I think that wearing shoes inside is gross! Plus, I like taking my shoes off after a long day! I find that even if I mop once a week and sweep regularly my feet and socks still get dirty! So I created a foot pad that sticks to the bottom of your foot or sock, Footums.
We have a no shoes policy anywhere in the house except for the foyer and dining room areas. It works just fine. It's the way I was raised, and I'm just a Californian. I have no problems with others who prefer no shoes, or if they absolutely insist shoes. It simply isn't worth getting riled up about, unless you have a disability of some sort, in which case a host should be as accommodating as they...+READ
We have a no shoes policy anywhere in the house except for the foyer and dining room areas. It works just fine. It's the way I was raised, and I'm just a Californian. I have no problems with others who prefer no shoes, or if they absolutely insist shoes. It simply isn't worth getting riled up about, unless you have a disability of some sort, in which case a host should be as accommodating as they can.
What really disgusts me, though, is the type of people who insist that there way is absolutely right and any other way is disgusting and despicable. Some of the attitudes displayed in these posts are abhorrent, and I sincerely hope that I never invite someone like them over, or visit someone like them either.-COLLAPSE
I don't mind removing my shoes at a friend's house IF I KNOW IN ADVANCE that this is the policy and can bring some kind of slipper with me - otherwise I'll ruin my socks/stockings. Also I'll make sure I don't wear a skirt so long I'll be tripping over it without heels.
Another reason for banning shoes in the house that no one has mentioned is that in an apartment, shoes can make a lot of noise...+READ
I don't mind removing my shoes at a friend's house IF I KNOW IN ADVANCE that this is the policy and can bring some kind of slipper with me - otherwise I'll ruin my socks/stockings. Also I'll make sure I don't wear a skirt so long I'll be tripping over it without heels.
Another reason for banning shoes in the house that no one has mentioned is that in an apartment, shoes can make a lot of noise for the people who live below. I've had many friends who got into real wars with their neighbors over this one.-COLLAPSE
EverSinceThen: I find it interesting that you dismiss people's desire to keep their house less dirty as being a control issue over their environment, and yet you act as if you have a sense of entitlement to wear shoes wherever you like. It reeks of a double-standard to me.
I don't ask guests to remove their shoes because I don't want "germs" in my house: I couldn't care less. I agree that we are...+READ
EverSinceThen: I find it interesting that you dismiss people's desire to keep their house less dirty as being a control issue over their environment, and yet you act as if you have a sense of entitlement to wear shoes wherever you like. It reeks of a double-standard to me.
I don't ask guests to remove their shoes because I don't want "germs" in my house: I couldn't care less. I agree that we are too germ-phobic. I ask guests to remove their shoes because when someone comes in from outside, their shoes are usually dirty, i.e. they can leave dirt marks on the floor and quite possibly worse things, too (gum, etc). It's expected to remove your shoes up here where I live in Canada and not more than a couple people have ever needed to be asked and no one has ever objected. Because it is expected, people prepare accordingly, I suppose (as a guy, I've never felt I needed to prepare any more than making sure my socks don't have holes in them). I might understand your frustrations if you were caught off guard and asked to remove your shoes unexpectedly, but the point many here are making is that this is a geographical custom, so that's unlikely to happen. You know if you're in Japan, Hawaii, Canada, etc. that you will be expected to remove your shoes, and it would be viciously rude not to do so. Your hosts are gracious enough to invite you into their home, and if you cannot respect such a small nicety, just leave.-COLLAPSE
Plus, why should I have to be embarrassed by my non-camera-ready feet or ruin my outfit in order to help you keep your place clean? As you can see, I'm fired up about this. Really, this policy constitutes putting yourself and your stuff ahead of the feelings of other people. That's self-centered, and the opposite of being a gracious host.
It's funny that some think that the fact that they and their guests don't wear shoes in their homes mean that those homes are quite hygienic and free of the nasty stuff. The prissiness and superiority of these people! If you've ever seen one of those segments on television where they swab various household items and test for what bacteria is present, you know that the entire world and everything...+READ
It's funny that some think that the fact that they and their guests don't wear shoes in their homes mean that those homes are quite hygienic and free of the nasty stuff. The prissiness and superiority of these people! If you've ever seen one of those segments on television where they swab various household items and test for what bacteria is present, you know that the entire world and everything in it is covered in fecal matter and lots of other bacteria. Maybe it's time we gave up the illusion of being able to control EVERYTHING, down to a molecular level! And yes, your precious babies will not only survive exposure to the occasional germ, but such exposure is how the immune system is fortified. Get over it!-COLLAPSE
Excuse me but it is not true that there aren't sexy socks. Women nylons can be so sensual and beautiful. ANd in fact one of the things I like about the US and Japan, is that with the shoes off rule, guys get to enjoy the sight of beautiful female feet. Clad in hosiery it's even more intimate. So why not?
I ask friends to remove shoes if it is a casual affair. Most people see the basket of shoes at my front door and take the hint, but if not, I usually wont make an issue out of it.
If I invite people over for something a little more fancy, and women are wearing Nylons and heels, or everyone has nice shoes on, I let it it slid for the evening. If I had tile or hardwood floors I would never ask...+READ
I ask friends to remove shoes if it is a casual affair. Most people see the basket of shoes at my front door and take the hint, but if not, I usually wont make an issue out of it.
If I invite people over for something a little more fancy, and women are wearing Nylons and heels, or everyone has nice shoes on, I let it it slid for the evening. If I had tile or hardwood floors I would never ask them to remove their shoes, mostly in fear that something might stick to their feet if I forgot to sweep! : )-COLLAPSE
I understand both sides. My husband and I don't wear shoes on our carpet (which is one room downstairs & most of upstairs). I maintain a very clean household; I clean before hosting a party and expect to sweep, mop, and vaccum AGAIN after the party. I don't mind if guests wear their shoes. I do mind if guests put their shoes on my furniture. Unfortuantely, this happens more often than I would...+READ
I understand both sides. My husband and I don't wear shoes on our carpet (which is one room downstairs & most of upstairs). I maintain a very clean household; I clean before hosting a party and expect to sweep, mop, and vaccum AGAIN after the party. I don't mind if guests wear their shoes. I do mind if guests put their shoes on my furniture. Unfortuantely, this happens more often than I would have ever expected, and we let our guests know that we don't put our shoes on the furniture. (I was surpised we even had to tell adults this.)
Many solutions offered might not be as helpful as intended due to surprising factors:
* Last night I let my friend's wife threw her husband a party at my house and when she came in she left a trail of dusty prints across the tile before the official guests arrived! (Hmmm, no shoes rule.)
* I have a good sized doormat which I notice people typically step on, with one foot, on their way into the house - if they even step on it at all! (Hmmm, no shoes rule.)
* Friends with babies typically lay their precious little ones on the family room carpet - I feel comfortable knowing that it's a clean area, not in the flow of traffic. (Hmmm, no shoes rule.)
* We don't have kids yet - but at one party, my husband's friend moved a baby's toy out of his way with his seemingly dirty flip flop - boo! (Hmmm, SHOES ON RULE - that would NOT have been better with a flip-flop-dirty bare foot!)
* My friends with babies come in and put their little ones down in the living room with shoes on. I wouldn't expect them to put a baby down, remove shoes, pick baby up and place baby in desired location. (Shoes on!)
* Most of my friends and family have clean(ish) shoes so it's not a problem. My nieces and nephews need to take their shoes off outside most of the time because they are often filled with sand!
* I think you just have to do what works for you - only you know your company.-COLLAPSE
I have always followed the shoes-off policy. Many people are saying that the job of the host is to make the guest comfortable, but in all reality, why should I ruin my carpets and floors just so someone can wear shoes? If you have a medical reason (orthotics) then, of course, I am not going to ask you to harm yourself...but if you are perfectly able to go without shoes, then why not? I always...+READ
I have always followed the shoes-off policy. Many people are saying that the job of the host is to make the guest comfortable, but in all reality, why should I ruin my carpets and floors just so someone can wear shoes? If you have a medical reason (orthotics) then, of course, I am not going to ask you to harm yourself...but if you are perfectly able to go without shoes, then why not? I always wear decent socks to people's homes. It's not that difficult of a thing to remember.-COLLAPSE
People scared of foot fungus should wear shoes in the F*^&% tub. Haven't any of you heard of socks?
I have a Japanese friend who has the shoes-off policy, and also washes the paws of her dog everytime it comes in the house.
The episode of Sex and the City that dealt with this one, was my favorite BY FAR for so many reasons. I loved how she later threw herself a single girl shower, and the statement at the end about walking a mile in a single girl's shoes...wish i could remember the quote.
If i'm dressed up in a cocktail dress or what not, i feel dumpy with my shoes off. And I don't care if people come marching...+READ
The episode of Sex and the City that dealt with this one, was my favorite BY FAR for so many reasons. I loved how she later threw herself a single girl shower, and the statement at the end about walking a mile in a single girl's shoes...wish i could remember the quote.
If i'm dressed up in a cocktail dress or what not, i feel dumpy with my shoes off. And I don't care if people come marching through my house with their shoes off, unless of course they just stepped out of a cow patty or a mud puddle. I've had wine and beer spilled in my home and crumbs and all sorts trailed throughout. Thankfully my good couch is scotchguarded. I also don't run out of the dining or living room immediatly to wash my dishes. I've been known to run in the door and through to the washroom if i really gotta go, even with winter boots on !!!! My home is for living in, it's not a museum.
That being said, as much as i love my high heels and my stiletto boots , and i mean i love them, I hate not feeling fully dressed without them, but i wouldn't presume to march into someone's home with my shoes on. It's been nice a few times to have a host say, oh please leave your shoes on!!. And on another point, i've visited a couple of homes that have a couple of cats or very badly shedding dogs, no matter how much they clean, and i don't like coming home to socks wearing socks of their own. ick.
As for telling before hand, while it might be nice to know whether you should opt for those complicated strappy sandals that might result in unladylike manouvering in the porch at some point, i can't imagine an invitation that came along with a shoe policy attached.-COLLAPSE
I don't insist people take their shoes off at my house, but when they see shoes at the door and note that we don't wear shoes in the house, I do think it's rude for people not to notice those things and insist on wearing their outdoor shoes inside.
It's a matter of whether shoes are part of an ensemble for you, or if they're meant as protection against the vagaries of the elements outside.
Stop and replace "shoes" with "work boots" and you may see the difference. Would you want people in work boots tramping through your (theoretically clean) house?
"Shoes off on carpet" is the rule in my house, and when I go to friends' houses most...+READ
It's a matter of whether shoes are part of an ensemble for you, or if they're meant as protection against the vagaries of the elements outside.
Stop and replace "shoes" with "work boots" and you may see the difference. Would you want people in work boots tramping through your (theoretically clean) house?
"Shoes off on carpet" is the rule in my house, and when I go to friends' houses most ask for shoes off. That said, I'm not going to wig out if someone says, "I really can't take my shoes off", because for all I know they have diabetes or smelly feet or nine toes on the right foot or something else.-COLLAPSE
I don't think I've ever been asked to remove my shoes for a party. Nor have I ever had guests track clumps of dirt or debris into my house during one. I think that the considerate host accepts that many people are uncomfortable with the idea of dis-shoeing and the considerate guest ensures that they wear clean shoes when coming to call.
fine, if you want me to take my shoes off you better have the softest, most feathery slippers for these toes otherwise, I'll wipe as many times as you want but I'm not taking them off - I don't want to encourage freaky foot fetishers .. you freak you .. the best way I've seen this done is to say, 'relax, feel free like you're at home, take off your shoes IF YOU WANT' somehow, when a person has...+READ
fine, if you want me to take my shoes off you better have the softest, most feathery slippers for these toes otherwise, I'll wipe as many times as you want but I'm not taking them off - I don't want to encourage freaky foot fetishers .. you freak you .. the best way I've seen this done is to say, 'relax, feel free like you're at home, take off your shoes IF YOU WANT' somehow, when a person has just been invited to be a family member [without having to split the rent] they'll automatically show their hooves!-COLLAPSE
And oh yeah, my dog can walk around the house, of course. Her feet get washed though whenever she comes back from a walk.
"Today, many Westerners have adopted the custom of asking visitors to remove their shoes."
Adopted?... Today?... As far as I'm concerned, "shoes off" is the default and has always been. If you don't like it this way, don't come to my house. And I won't come to yours, because the first thing I want to do when I go to a place is to take off my shoes. AND socks.
Shoes off! Just a cleaner, healthier way to live.
Interesting. I grew up in a household in which we never wore shoes in-door, so I always found it so strange at other people's houses when people would wear outdoor shoes inside.
This weekend I hosted a welcome party for new and continuing students for my Ph.D. program at my house. While guests were arriving, someone asked me whether I preferred shoes on or off. I was actually surprised that the...+READ
Interesting. I grew up in a household in which we never wore shoes in-door, so I always found it so strange at other people's houses when people would wear outdoor shoes inside.
This weekend I hosted a welcome party for new and continuing students for my Ph.D. program at my house. While guests were arriving, someone asked me whether I preferred shoes on or off. I was actually surprised that the person made it seem so natural to ask my preference about this - it didn't occur to me to ask people to take off their shoes. After consideration, I said, shoes off is a good idea. After she set the example, everyone else who came to the house just did the same thing without prompting.
The fact that people had their shoes off worked out well, because enough people came that we ended up sitting in a circle in the living room, with some people on the floor, as we talked about the program as a group. It was very comfortable and everyone was so thoughtful about everything.-COLLAPSE
What is wrong with you people? Unless you are in Japan, you do not ask people to take their shoes off. If you re so worried about germs- what about foot fungus?
Please grow up!
One issue I haven't seen addressed is guests who have diabetes. They CANNOT go barefoot or even go around in socks (or guest slippers). And what about those with back issues (like me before my surgery) where I had to have a cushioned heel under my feet at all times, except for sleeping.
Asking guests to remove their shoes (unless we're talking stilettoes or cleats) is just plain offensive....+READ
One issue I haven't seen addressed is guests who have diabetes. They CANNOT go barefoot or even go around in socks (or guest slippers). And what about those with back issues (like me before my surgery) where I had to have a cushioned heel under my feet at all times, except for sleeping.
Asking guests to remove their shoes (unless we're talking stilettoes or cleats) is just plain offensive. Regardless of the germs that come in. You may offer me a pair of guest slippers, but I wear a women's size 12. Would I not be invited back because you don't have a shoe store in your hall closet?
As far as bare feet go, I'd rather see a person's buttcrack than their feet. I'm just funny about feet. Unless you have sandal-worthy feet, keep 'em hidden. And the pile of shoes at the door? Can you say, NASTY???
You have more germs in your house on your bathroom countertops and refrigerator door handle and the kitchen counter where you just set your purse down. If you swabbed your floors, the bacteria counts would be lower than you thought. And that would be AFTER a cocktail party where all of the guests were wearing their shoes.-COLLAPSE
One issue I haven't seen addressed is guests who have diabetes. They CANNOT go barefoot or even go around in socks (or guest slippers). And what about those with back issues (like me before my surgery) where I had to have a cushioned heel under my feet at all times, except for sleeping.
Asking guests to remove their shoes (unless we're talking stilettoes or cleats) is just plain offensive....+READ
One issue I haven't seen addressed is guests who have diabetes. They CANNOT go barefoot or even go around in socks (or guest slippers). And what about those with back issues (like me before my surgery) where I had to have a cushioned heel under my feet at all times, except for sleeping.
Asking guests to remove their shoes (unless we're talking stilettoes or cleats) is just plain offensive. Regardless of the germs that come in. You may offer me a pair of guest slippers, but I wear a women's size 12. Would I not be invited back because you don't have a shoe store in your hall closet?
As far as bare feet go, I'd rather see a person's buttcrack than their feet. I'm just funny about feet. Unless you have sandle-worthy feet, keep 'em hidden. And the pile of shoes at the door? Can you say, NASTY???
You have more germs in your house on your bathroom countertops and refrigerator door handle and the kitchen counter where you just set your purse down. If you swabbed your floors, the bacteria counts would be lower than you thought. And that would be AFTER a cocktail party where all of the guests were wearing their shoes.-COLLAPSE
Each side makes some valid points on this issue. All in all, as a host I do believe that it's important to make guests feel comfortable. Guests should be kindly "asked", and not demanded to take their shoes off. A custom should not be viewed as a hard fast rule. Granted, there are special situations(the presence of infants crawling around in a home, rainy weather, etc.). If we're vigilant in...+READ
Each side makes some valid points on this issue. All in all, as a host I do believe that it's important to make guests feel comfortable. Guests should be kindly "asked", and not demanded to take their shoes off. A custom should not be viewed as a hard fast rule. Granted, there are special situations(the presence of infants crawling around in a home, rainy weather, etc.). If we're vigilant in house keeping, it should be no problem. How often do we even entertain guests? Also, bare feet can shed skin cells, sweat and germs like dirty hands--are we willing to wash our guests' feet as was the custom in ancient Palestine? Don't forget, humans are a hearty breed. Unless our immune systems are compromised, we're elderly, or just very young, we can weather the experience of guests coming by occasionally with or without shoes on. The course of HOSPITALITY wouldn't place unreasonable demands on guests(putting our personal feelings aside for the moment). At the same time, guests would want to look out for the interests of their host(s) and do what they can to ease the situation--being mindful of not tracking in any dirt.
The killer thing about this is that I know a family who insists on this rule; but at the same time they allow 1-3 dogs to parade in and out of their house! Go figure!-COLLAPSE
One thing about the "Shoes Off" policy - if you have that policy, then never say to someone "Make Yourself At Home", because many will keep their shoes on.
Also, when you INVITE someone over, it is incumbant on you to make them feel comfortable. However, if they are simply stopping by, then they should make "like the Romans do".
Another Canadian commenter here. People ALWAYS take their shoes off at the door in my area. If it's a casual gathering, people are in their socks or barefoot. If it's a more formal occasion, people will wear one pair of shoes/boots over and then change into their party shoes.
I think wearing shoes in the house is pretty gross, actually - I know I've walked in some pretty icky stuff and I would...+READ
Another Canadian commenter here. People ALWAYS take their shoes off at the door in my area. If it's a casual gathering, people are in their socks or barefoot. If it's a more formal occasion, people will wear one pair of shoes/boots over and then change into their party shoes.
I think wearing shoes in the house is pretty gross, actually - I know I've walked in some pretty icky stuff and I would squirm to think of it sitting on my floors. Blech. And honestly, I think that if your vanity is more important to you than not damaging a friend's home, it makes you an inconsiderate guest.
Like if someone wore spiky high heels all over my hardwood floors and dented them everywhere, I don't think I'd have them back. As much as I love my friends, having tens of thousands of dollars worth of flooring replaced just isn't worth it.....-COLLAPSE
I am disgusted by this practice. Who wants to eat, drink, and be social while looking at other people's crusty heels, gnarly nails thick and yellow with fungus, and god knows what else?
All of my husband's family members have nasty feet and problems with fungus. Is it any surprise? They'd rather pass fungus amongst themselves than vacuum on a regular basis.
The first time I was at the...+READ
I am disgusted by this practice. Who wants to eat, drink, and be social while looking at other people's crusty heels, gnarly nails thick and yellow with fungus, and god knows what else?
All of my husband's family members have nasty feet and problems with fungus. Is it any surprise? They'd rather pass fungus amongst themselves than vacuum on a regular basis.
The first time I was at the future s-i-l's house, I carefully chose an outfit with cute sandals. I had to walk around barefoot in their toe jam and fungus. Now I wouldn't be caught dead going to any of his family's homes without slippers.
If we ever have to host them in our home, and they take their shoes off (even though we don't ask them to), I will have to have the floors deep cleaned and sanitized the next day.
Bottom line: It's fine to take your own shoes off in your own house. Please don't impose it on your guests.-COLLAPSE
Growing up Chinese American and in a predominately Asian community, shoes-off has always been the norm in my own household and my friends. We've had great fun skidding around hardwood floors in our socks, or pretending that we're gliding across it like ice skaters or hockey players.
That said, any respectable household would give an interesting assortment of slippers to choose from for guests....+READ
Growing up Chinese American and in a predominately Asian community, shoes-off has always been the norm in my own household and my friends. We've had great fun skidding around hardwood floors in our socks, or pretending that we're gliding across it like ice skaters or hockey players.
That said, any respectable household would give an interesting assortment of slippers to choose from for guests. A forewarning to guests who are not used to shoes-off houses is recommended, but cultural differences play in the part of the host as much as the guest. I remember my parents having over a very good Caucasian friend as a guest, but she didn't take off her stilettos until we noticed her feet and politely asked her to take them off. She was a very understanding guest, but I can imagine the grief that someone being caught off-guard may have. It's just like adjusting your viewpoint to understand the other side.
I'm still not sure why people would choose to wear dirtied shoes and heels inside someone else's house - surely wiping your feet on the welcome mat doesn't get off everything? Even the fashionable aspect of it seems a bit vain on the guest's part. Then again, a garden/grill party would probably solve everything, with soil and potted nature already being outside and all.-COLLAPSE
I grew up in a mostly-shoes-on type house; my gf is Chinese and grew up in a shoes-off type house. I definitely take my shoes off in her house, except for the kitchen where I wear slippers or shoes. They keep slippers around in various sizes for guests to wear in the kitchen and back yard. I don't find it a problem at all.
We both wear shoes in the house sometimes, and I don't really think it's...+READ
I grew up in a mostly-shoes-on type house; my gf is Chinese and grew up in a shoes-off type house. I definitely take my shoes off in her house, except for the kitchen where I wear slippers or shoes. They keep slippers around in various sizes for guests to wear in the kitchen and back yard. I don't find it a problem at all.
We both wear shoes in the house sometimes, and I don't really think it's that gross or anything, though I wouldn't have minded having the "no shoes" rule if she preferred it.
I'm personally happy to remove my shoes at friends' houses, and it does seem increasingly common. I guess it would be a problem if I had really stinky feet, so it is probably reasonable for a person to let their guests know that they have a "no shoes" policy before having some sort of formal social event.
I think the person who submitted the question is kind of making a big deal out of it, though. I don't mean to sound insensitive about her insecurities, but I don't really think that's a good enough reason to not honor someone's preference for having no shoes in their house.-COLLAPSE
If you are going to be visiting someone's home in Hawaii, you better plan to take your shoes off. It is pretty much universal here, and always has been - even at a party.
I'll echo the sentiment that up here in Canada, it's pretty much a given that guests will remove their footwear at the door without being asked to do so. It's so commonplace that I feel slightly uncomfortable when I go to someone's house and start removing my footwear only to be told to leave it on.
I lived in Washington, DC for four months, and I was horrified that even day-to-day, many people...+READ
I'll echo the sentiment that up here in Canada, it's pretty much a given that guests will remove their footwear at the door without being asked to do so. It's so commonplace that I feel slightly uncomfortable when I go to someone's house and start removing my footwear only to be told to leave it on.
I lived in Washington, DC for four months, and I was horrified that even day-to-day, many people wore shoes in the house. It just struck me as very unsanitary and dirty, especially given some of the things that I've seen on streets.
I personally wouldn't expect my guests to remove their shoes for a party (although most do) or formal event, but I would expect them to make sure that they're reasonably clean, i.e., if it's winter, to wipe them very thoroughly at the door or bring a clean pair with them to change into when they arrive. For day to day social interactions, I'd be quite put off if my guests didn't automatically remove their shoes - but then again, this is Canada, so I've grown accustomed to this being something that's just *done* without needing prompting.-COLLAPSE
scubadoo97 has the answer that I agree with most. I will say that it's important to be sensitive to other cultures, but if you don't trust me not to drag chewing gum, asphalt, and cat droppings into your house on my shoes because you think I'll ruin your precious hardwood floor, then I don't think we'll get along well for very long.
If for whatever reason you don't want people wearing shoes in...+READ
scubadoo97 has the answer that I agree with most. I will say that it's important to be sensitive to other cultures, but if you don't trust me not to drag chewing gum, asphalt, and cat droppings into your house on my shoes because you think I'll ruin your precious hardwood floor, then I don't think we'll get along well for very long.
If for whatever reason you don't want people wearing shoes in your house, youowe it to them to be sure they know aboutit beforehand, and you have to do the same thing. I went to a party once at a brand-new, high-end house. It was circulated that it would be shoes-off-socks-on, which I grumbled to myself about but complied with. The floors were stone. Standing around on a stone floor with nothing to support my arches was killing me- my feet hurt like hell and I was in misery all night long, AND the hostess was wearing shoes! She's a delightful person, and a world-class housekeeper, and I've no doubt that her shoes had never been outside, but still- with the pain in my feet I couldn't help getting a huge burr under my saddle over the fact that she wore shoes and I couldn't. It still burns me up, and it's been a year and a half.-COLLAPSE
My parents have a pretty good compromise on this: Their front "entertaining" rooms are wooden and people can wear shoes there, but the farther back into their apartment you go the less it is encouraged and no shoes have ever touched the carpet in the master bedroom. I think that some times of flooring are much easier to clean than others and it is appropriate to keep some areas, which are easy to...+READ
My parents have a pretty good compromise on this: Their front "entertaining" rooms are wooden and people can wear shoes there, but the farther back into their apartment you go the less it is encouraged and no shoes have ever touched the carpet in the master bedroom. I think that some times of flooring are much easier to clean than others and it is appropriate to keep some areas, which are easy to clean, shoe-friendly, but as some described above, I wouldn't want people's dirty shoes to be in areas where I might want to sit on the floor, like in a bedroom or family room -- plus, those are more intimate spaces and guests welcome into them are more likely to be closer friends who won't feel naked if you see their socks.-COLLAPSE
I'm of the mind that shoes, like cigarettes, belong outside of the home. In fact walking on carpets with my shoes on actually makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'd really rather not! So I always offer to take my shoes off when I go to someone else's home, and I wish everyone would do the same when they come over to mine.
Of course I'm not in the habit of throwing fancy dinner parties with...+READ
I'm of the mind that shoes, like cigarettes, belong outside of the home. In fact walking on carpets with my shoes on actually makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'd really rather not! So I always offer to take my shoes off when I go to someone else's home, and I wish everyone would do the same when they come over to mine.
Of course I'm not in the habit of throwing fancy dinner parties with formal dress.-COLLAPSE
When we lived in germany it was generally expected that you would remove your shoes (pretty much the same in Switzerland and Austria, in private homes). Our hosts there always had a small supply of slippers for guests.
I now live in canada, and here it seems like the majority of the people we invite over to our house slip off their shoes automatically without being asked. I actually have to...+READ
When we lived in germany it was generally expected that you would remove your shoes (pretty much the same in Switzerland and Austria, in private homes). Our hosts there always had a small supply of slippers for guests.
I now live in canada, and here it seems like the majority of the people we invite over to our house slip off their shoes automatically without being asked. I actually have to tell them its OK if they would prefer to leave their shoes ON !!! LOL
I think it must be something you pick up from living in a certain climate, and depends greatly on local culture. I grew up in the midwest US, and I know if someone had come into our house and just taken their shoes off without being invited to do so, it would have been considered somewhat rude!-COLLAPSE
i am from india, and it is a custom to take your shoes off..i think its disgusting that people wear their outside shoes in the house...shoes that go in bathrooms, in the operating room, streets on which animals use the restroom, you are going to drag all that in your living space.. also if you have nice rugs its sure way of ruining it..high heels leave scuff marks on the floors...inviting someone...+READ
i am from india, and it is a custom to take your shoes off..i think its disgusting that people wear their outside shoes in the house...shoes that go in bathrooms, in the operating room, streets on which animals use the restroom, you are going to drag all that in your living space.. also if you have nice rugs its sure way of ruining it..high heels leave scuff marks on the floors...inviting someone to your house doesnt mean ruining your home.i think people should respect the house they are visiting if asked not to wear shoes then follow it, i find that most people when told to do so, do it without a problem, i wouldnt want anyone to come to my house and wear shoes, i would rather they not come-COLLAPSE
how odd... I have yet to see a post on what my own family does -- when we get dressed to attend a party/gathering at someone's home, we pick appropriate socks & shoes just as we do for shirts/slacks/dresses/coats etc. Shoes for easy removal upon entering, while socks must be clean, neat, un-holey, nonsmelly, and appropriate for contact w/ indoor flooring. If its not neccessary to remove our shoes...+READ
how odd... I have yet to see a post on what my own family does -- when we get dressed to attend a party/gathering at someone's home, we pick appropriate socks & shoes just as we do for shirts/slacks/dresses/coats etc. Shoes for easy removal upon entering, while socks must be clean, neat, un-holey, nonsmelly, and appropriate for contact w/ indoor flooring. If its not neccessary to remove our shoes at the destination, no harm done; and if it is the rule then we are prepared.
The host(s) graciously have opened their home to guests... the least we can do is do our part in being well mannered guests. Just as a guest would carry a full wine glass with care in order to prevent spillage on the living room carpet, so too should they prevent scuff marks on hardwood, or muddy shoe prints, etc. How would you feel if a guest carelessly spilled red wine on a cream colored berber, then completely ignored it and commented that it is the hosts' duty to clean up as part of cleaning up after the event?-COLLAPSE
A roll of clear Saran wrap at the door: seals in grime & lets the fashion shine through. Everyone's happy!
oh no - don't try to say all canadians are like this- I'm living in Toronto- now, ok- there are several months where there just is no choice because of the salt/slush/mud; but certainly from Mid- april until mid-nov, I do not expect people to remove their shoes so that I don't have to clean my floor the next morning! Many of my friends feel the same, especially- as has been metioned here- if we...+READ
oh no - don't try to say all canadians are like this- I'm living in Toronto- now, ok- there are several months where there just is no choice because of the salt/slush/mud; but certainly from Mid- april until mid-nov, I do not expect people to remove their shoes so that I don't have to clean my floor the next morning! Many of my friends feel the same, especially- as has been metioned here- if we are dressed up in any way. I just had to rep for the canucks--COLLAPSE
I am Asian American and the custom growing up was always shoes off. It was this way in all my friends' households, regardless of ethnicity. I've maintained that custom ever since and especially after moving into an apartment with wood floors.
I think nothing of taking off my shoes when visiting friends, and consider it a sign of respect and practicality that I'm not dragging gum, dirt, oil, and...+READ
I am Asian American and the custom growing up was always shoes off. It was this way in all my friends' households, regardless of ethnicity. I've maintained that custom ever since and especially after moving into an apartment with wood floors.
I think nothing of taking off my shoes when visiting friends, and consider it a sign of respect and practicality that I'm not dragging gum, dirt, oil, and god knows what from walking around Manhattan when I visit my friends. I'm 5'2'' and I'd like to look taller or have my shoes complete my outfit, but it's pretty selfish to expect people to cater to your fashion sense over cleanliness for their toddler. Also, some people have allergies to random things, and might not appreciate having things spread all over their home.
Also, I had to post because even my friend who is Caucasian and has a severe foot phobia asks people to remove their shoes when they come to her place, and she automatically removes her shoes when visiting other people.-COLLAPSE
I also come from a dancing community, where people are accustomed to changing from their street shoes into dancing shoes that won't harm or mar the dance floor. I guess that's parallel with the slippers thing.
I agree with it being inappropriate for people to have to remove their shoes at formal parties.
If you are holding a party or having friends over, I think it's only fair to let people know beforehand that you ask that no shoes be worn inside the house—much as say, if you keep an alcohol-free home, you would let people know so they don't feel uncomfortable when they show up with a bottle of wine.
...+READ
I agree with it being inappropriate for people to have to remove their shoes at formal parties.
If you are holding a party or having friends over, I think it's only fair to let people know beforehand that you ask that no shoes be worn inside the house—much as say, if you keep an alcohol-free home, you would let people know so they don't feel uncomfortable when they show up with a bottle of wine.
With regards to floor finishing.... The former occupant of my Victorian apartment clearly had a thing for stilettos, and the floor is pock-marked. I think my floor is some kind of fir, but even hardwoods have a hard time withstanding that kind of weight distribution. I think if someone enters your home with shoes that you know will cause damage, you have every right to ask them either to remove their shoes or to modify their walk appropriately—as much right as you have to ask them not to smoke in your home. Alternately, as a guest, it's important to consider such things beforehand, and reach out if possible, so you can plan alternatives.-COLLAPSE
We're in MI and my inlaws and some of our friends make us take our hoes off. Now, in winter, I am OF COURSE willing if my shoes are messy or wet. It makes me crazy--I feel like padding around in your stocking or bare feet is a home-only activity, not something you do in front of people. It feels like I am removing my clothes in front of people. HATE IT. Is someone comes to my house and whips off...+READ
We're in MI and my inlaws and some of our friends make us take our hoes off. Now, in winter, I am OF COURSE willing if my shoes are messy or wet. It makes me crazy--I feel like padding around in your stocking or bare feet is a home-only activity, not something you do in front of people. It feels like I am removing my clothes in front of people. HATE IT. Is someone comes to my house and whips off their shoes, e'd better share DNA or a checking account. It just looks and feels so dorky. I think if you're a shoes-off person you should NEVER have more than just inimate friends or family over and never a party where people are dressing up. If you put thought into yor outfit, that includes the shoes!
(now that I think about it, everyone who requires this at their house dresses super casual and not especially chicly. Maybe when it's not a cultural thing, but based on cleanliness, you care more about clean floors than fashion!)-COLLAPSE
We're in MI and my inlaws and some of our friends make us take our hoes off. Now, in winter, I am OF COURSE willing if my shoes are messy or wet. It makes me crazy--I feel like padding around in your stocking or bare feet is a home-only activity, not something you do in front of people. It feels like I am removing my clothes in front of people. HATE IT. Is someone comes to my house and whips off...+READ
We're in MI and my inlaws and some of our friends make us take our hoes off. Now, in winter, I am OF COURSE willing if my shoes are messy or wet. It makes me crazy--I feel like padding around in your stocking or bare feet is a home-only activity, not something you do in front of people. It feels like I am removing my clothes in front of people. HATE IT. Is someone comes to my house and whips off their shoes, e'd better share DNA or a checking account. It just looks and feels so dorky. I think if you're a shoes-off person you should NEVER have more than just inimate friends or family over and never a party where people are dressing up. If you put thought into yor outfit, that includes the shoes!
(now that I think about it, everyone who requires this at their house dresses super casual and not especially chicly. Maybe when it's not a cultural thing, but based on cleanliness, you care more about clean floors than fashion!)-COLLAPSE
Frankly, when I am eating, the last thing I want to see are feet! Even mine, and I don't have ugly feet! But if a host insists on this rule, they must (1) warn you in advance, (2) offer clean socks or slippers to uncomfortable guests, and (3) have a pretty darn good reason. Why not invest in a good doormat or two? Buy a good carpet steamer/cleaner? Or put down large, inexpensive area rugs until...+READ
Frankly, when I am eating, the last thing I want to see are feet! Even mine, and I don't have ugly feet! But if a host insists on this rule, they must (1) warn you in advance, (2) offer clean socks or slippers to uncomfortable guests, and (3) have a pretty darn good reason. Why not invest in a good doormat or two? Buy a good carpet steamer/cleaner? Or put down large, inexpensive area rugs until the party is over.-COLLAPSE
huh. i'm from northern minnesota, and most of the homes around here are no shoes. most people around here are taught that it's just good manners to remove your shoes at the door. it's not uncommon to see someone with a pair of nice, clean shoes that they will change into at the party. and hey, it saves you the trouble of trying to walk over sod in heels.
I'm from Canada. When you enter a home in Canada, it's pretty much guaranteed you'll be expected to remove your shoes at the door.
Anyone that hosts an event but cares more about the value of his or her floor than the comfort of their guests is not a good host. Anyone that does this and then has the GALL to tell their guests that's the reason is a boor.
I think it is problematic.
If you have a no shoes rule in your home - consider entertaining large parties elsewhere. If you havea no shoes rule, I believe you must provide your guests with a supply of house slippers. Possibly the kind that airlines supply would be reasonable enough. I resent being in the US and being told to remove my shoes. Sorry - but that's the fact.
In my home, there was a...+READ
I think it is problematic.
If you have a no shoes rule in your home - consider entertaining large parties elsewhere. If you havea no shoes rule, I believe you must provide your guests with a supply of house slippers. Possibly the kind that airlines supply would be reasonable enough. I resent being in the US and being told to remove my shoes. Sorry - but that's the fact.
In my home, there was a taboo (well in my grandparents home) of walking in socks. Slippers were preferred for us, then shoes, then barefoot. Walking in socks was a custom for mourners and thus was seen as tempting fate, like some other cultures' customs such as putting a hat or shoes on the bed.
If you are so concerned about bacteria, then really don't have people in the home. They might bring in tuberculosis, and other microbes. How shocking!
And as said above, anyone more concerned about the value of his or her floor than with hospitality should go to a restaurant, or arrange a group picnic at a public park or club. But if you can't be hospitable, don't entertain.-COLLAPSE
In the winter, I carry a pair of shoes; soles wiped down, to change into.In the warmer months when boots are not required, I always carry a few packages of those little towelettes, and use those to wipe My soles down. My Sis has a white cotton carpet, no prob. In My home, guests may always wear their shoes - I provide some of those towelettes and a dry rag if a lot of dirt is an issue - it...+READ
In the winter, I carry a pair of shoes; soles wiped down, to change into.In the warmer months when boots are not required, I always carry a few packages of those little towelettes, and use those to wipe My soles down. My Sis has a white cotton carpet, no prob. In My home, guests may always wear their shoes - I provide some of those towelettes and a dry rag if a lot of dirt is an issue - it usually isn't.
For parties, My shoes ARE My outfit, in most cases, I don't like to remove them. Especially if I'm badly in need of a pedicure :o)
~W-COLLAPSE
Are bamboo laminate floors really that delicate? If so, what's the point of having a floor you can't walk on?
I really hate taking my shoes off! I don't really hang out with people who ask me to take my shoes off at the door!
How about a box of disposable shoe covers?
http://www.mysimon.com/9000-11020_8-0.html?sdcq=keyword-shoe+covers
They come in a variety of sizes and colours.
:)
When I was growing up and watching US tv programs I thought shoes on in the house was a TV thing. Here is Canada I have never encountered a shoes on house. There is even a hindu restaurant down the road that has a shoes off policy.
I scrub my floors before a party I don't want to have to do it after as well.
No one has mentioned that foot fungus is communicable and extremely common! Well, it is...and it is.
Agreed, it is really ungracious to care more about the condition of your hardwood floors than the comfort of your guests.
I think the whole shoe off thing is ridiculous and an expression of the me generation. Have we gotten to the point that we value our hardwood floors more than our guests? Hardwood floors are made to be walked on with and without shoes. I can maybe see the need if someone had a pure white carpet but pleeze, if the resale of your hardwood is that important, don't entertain. Seems so self-centered....+READ
I think the whole shoe off thing is ridiculous and an expression of the me generation. Have we gotten to the point that we value our hardwood floors more than our guests? Hardwood floors are made to be walked on with and without shoes. I can maybe see the need if someone had a pure white carpet but pleeze, if the resale of your hardwood is that important, don't entertain. Seems so self-centered. No question in an Asian culture or similar culture where this is the norm I have no problem with it. This is a cultural expectation. We need to rethink the germ free environment. It is not healthy to reduce our exposure to germs if you want your immune system to be able to protect you in the real world. If you are that germophobic, stay inside and don't entertain, god for bid you need to shake someone's hand or shudder, give them a kiss and hug.-COLLAPSE
Whatever happened to wiping off your feet before coming in the house? That should cut down on the germ-factor a little.
I'm a shoes on kinda gal. I can't stand walking around my own house barefooted and don't like walking around other people's houses barefooted either. If I do visit a no-shoe household, I oblige but I'm usually the dork walking on my tippy toes because the floor (no matter how...+READ
Whatever happened to wiping off your feet before coming in the house? That should cut down on the germ-factor a little.
I'm a shoes on kinda gal. I can't stand walking around my own house barefooted and don't like walking around other people's houses barefooted either. If I do visit a no-shoe household, I oblige but I'm usually the dork walking on my tippy toes because the floor (no matter how clean) kinda grosses me out.
With that being said, I don't have any kids to worry about and I also vacuum the floors at least every other day.-COLLAPSE
Many people wear orthotics in their shoes which they are supposed to wear all the time and never go without (even in slippers, much less barefoot). I know someone who can't walk without her orthotics because it's too painful. We need to be sensitive to other people's needs.
That said, I hate it when I go to someone's house where I see a pile of shoes by the door, so I ask if they'd like me to...+READ
Many people wear orthotics in their shoes which they are supposed to wear all the time and never go without (even in slippers, much less barefoot). I know someone who can't walk without her orthotics because it's too painful. We need to be sensitive to other people's needs.
That said, I hate it when I go to someone's house where I see a pile of shoes by the door, so I ask if they'd like me to remove my shoes, and they say, "Oh, if you want to." Well, no, I don't particularly *want* to. I'm willing to do so if it's important to you, but if you say it doesn't matter to you, I'd just as soon keep my shoes on.-COLLAPSE
I have a no-shoes rule for the most part, but I appreciate the smelly-footed folks keeping theirs on. Problem is that kids these days are constantly putting their shoes on my furniture! If you have the manners to take care of your feet and keep the shoes on the floor, then wear your shoes *unless they're nasty* but if you insist on putting your tootsies up in my house, shoes OFF!
I have a disability and usually scoot myself across the floor to get around the house. I request that my guests remove their shoes to keep the floor clean for my hands and body as they move across the floor. Shoes bring in more than just dirt -- it brings in chemicals, fertilizers, and other really unsanitary, possibly cancer causing things into the house. Constantly sweeping the floor is...+READ
I have a disability and usually scoot myself across the floor to get around the house. I request that my guests remove their shoes to keep the floor clean for my hands and body as they move across the floor. Shoes bring in more than just dirt -- it brings in chemicals, fertilizers, and other really unsanitary, possibly cancer causing things into the house. Constantly sweeping the floor is fatiguing for me and not a luxury I can afford. I really like homes that are clean enough that everyone feels comfortable sitting on the floor.
This may also sound cliche, but my home is my sanctuary. Taking your shoes off when you enter the home creates a nice physical and psychological threshold that says that you have arrived in an inner world, separate from the world outside. It's nice to have this separation between home and the outside.
Finally, why should your vanity cost me hundreds of dollars in resurfacing my hardwood floors? Nobody cares about your ugly feet.-COLLAPSE
Our everyday custom is to take off our shoes, especially because we have two little kids who track all kinds of dirt in the house. When neighbors come over for a BBQ or something, their kids usually do the same, and sometimes the parents do as well. That said, we have an entirely different set of rules for more formal entertaining. If I am throwing a cocktail party, baby shower or special dinner,...+READ
Our everyday custom is to take off our shoes, especially because we have two little kids who track all kinds of dirt in the house. When neighbors come over for a BBQ or something, their kids usually do the same, and sometimes the parents do as well. That said, we have an entirely different set of rules for more formal entertaining. If I am throwing a cocktail party, baby shower or special dinner, I would never ask people to remove their shoes. It makes them uncomfortable, especially if they are dressed nicely. With the exception of cultural situations, I find it rather insulting when I dress nicely for a party and am then left standing around in my bare feet or stockings. It's not like I don't know how to use a door mat like my 2 year old. For example, we went to a formal Christmas dinner party recently where my husband and I were required to remove our shoes - he looked ridiculous all dressed up in a suit and tie with his shoes off. I think this definitely has been taken too far, and seems to me that people really shouldn't be doing formal entertaining if they are afraid a bit of dirt might get on the carpet.
For what it's worth, I have a cocktail party with for over 60 people in my house every December, and I rarely have to do more than a quick swish of the floor the next day. There was even a year it snowed/rained, and I simply covered the outside entrance-way with towels and extra doormats so people could wipe their shoes off well. Worked like a charm.-COLLAPSE
I prefer no shoes in my home -- it's certainly more hygenic and reduces wear on our hardwood floor and expensive rug -- and most of our friends are fine with this, automatically dropping their shoes at the front door.
I do not, however, insist on this practice when throwing a party. It is impractical and overbearing. I am opening my home to guests and strive to be as gracious a host as...+READ
I prefer no shoes in my home -- it's certainly more hygenic and reduces wear on our hardwood floor and expensive rug -- and most of our friends are fine with this, automatically dropping their shoes at the front door.
I do not, however, insist on this practice when throwing a party. It is impractical and overbearing. I am opening my home to guests and strive to be as gracious a host as possible, within reason, of course.
Fatbuddy -- you neglected to mention (although Merrin # 1 did) that slippers and/or socks are *always* provided in most Asian (at least in Japanese) households. You cannot just insist on a house rule without compensating for your guest's (dis)comfort.-COLLAPSE
I have alway taken my shoes off in my own home and my children have also done the same, here and at their friends. It's hilarious to see if one of their buddies has forgotten and I see them go
crawling by on all fours. I can't help but think how respectful they are. I see it as good manners, and good training for respecting one's own and others property. Nothing wrong with that.
No one is...+READ
I have alway taken my shoes off in my own home and my children have also done the same, here and at their friends. It's hilarious to see if one of their buddies has forgotten and I see them go
crawling by on all fours. I can't help but think how respectful they are. I see it as good manners, and good training for respecting one's own and others property. Nothing wrong with that.
No one is required or do we ask, but if my guest asks me,I try to make them feel at ease leaving it up to them,and tell them not to worry. Some do and some don't, but usually they notice the shoe fest in the entry and kick their shoes off.
Its always been a habit that to remove mine at a friends even if there is a party. I have noticed that most people appreciate the thoughtfulness.
Although I am not Asian, just plain old white caucasian, I do live in a multi cultural area, a lot of people do this and we don't find it different at all.
On the plus side, definitely your carpet and floors will last longer....-COLLAPSE
maybe it's because I live in Canada and for at least 4 months of the year we are covered with snow and slush and salt (but that's another rant) but I really prefer people to remove their shoes in my home. Besides I don't want my own expensive shoes ruined in the snow and sleet so I usually travel to events in my snow boots and change into my lovely dry stilettos when I arrive.
However, in...+READ
maybe it's because I live in Canada and for at least 4 months of the year we are covered with snow and slush and salt (but that's another rant) but I really prefer people to remove their shoes in my home. Besides I don't want my own expensive shoes ruined in the snow and sleet so I usually travel to events in my snow boots and change into my lovely dry stilettos when I arrive.
However, in March we played host to an engagement party - it was a snowy night - that really wet early spring snow - and I was caught up in the kitchen so imagine my horror when I came into the living room to see people milling around in their snow boats dragging snow and salt and water all over our living room rug. It had to be cleaned afterwards - I couldn't believe people were so clueless and rude - it was soaking there was no way you couldn't have noticed.-COLLAPSE
I hardly wear shoes at home, but guests are guests. The no-shoes rule applies for Japan (or japanese style rooms, with tatami floor which would be ruined by shoes). You shouldn't surprise your guests with unexpected rules from another culture. If you want to enjoy their company, you must sacrifice a few things to make them feel at home. Or, at least, tell them about the dress rules before they...+READ
I hardly wear shoes at home, but guests are guests. The no-shoes rule applies for Japan (or japanese style rooms, with tatami floor which would be ruined by shoes). You shouldn't surprise your guests with unexpected rules from another culture. If you want to enjoy their company, you must sacrifice a few things to make them feel at home. Or, at least, tell them about the dress rules before they come (so as they can choose nice socks... ;-) . I'd rather have cancer than having no friends.-COLLAPSE
I think it's an odd request -- especially when it's a more formal party. But you should be a gracious guest and remove your shoes if asked, unless you have a compelling reason to keep them on.
Off topic, the SATC episode was about how someone stole Carrie's Manolos when she took them off at a party. Since I'm Asian, I do prefer that friends take their shoes off when entering my home. I ask if they prefer that I do that when I go to their homes. However, I agree that it's not worth making people feel uncomfortable over, and I don't insist. Another interesting point: recently I went to a...+READ
Off topic, the SATC episode was about how someone stole Carrie's Manolos when she took them off at a party. Since I'm Asian, I do prefer that friends take their shoes off when entering my home. I ask if they prefer that I do that when I go to their homes. However, I agree that it's not worth making people feel uncomfortable over, and I don't insist. Another interesting point: recently I went to a seminar given by a prominent cancer specialist who said that households where outside shoes are worn in the inside have a higher rate of a certain type of cancer (forgot which one).-COLLAPSE
Removing your shoes is very much a part of many Asian Cultures. As well, it may be a sore point for those who don't do this or are oblivious to this custom, but if you are a guest, you should be a polite guest.
After all, it is not your house, and when it is your turn to be the host, you can let people wear their shoes in your house.
I think it is more common a social custom than many people...+READ
Removing your shoes is very much a part of many Asian Cultures. As well, it may be a sore point for those who don't do this or are oblivious to this custom, but if you are a guest, you should be a polite guest.
After all, it is not your house, and when it is your turn to be the host, you can let people wear their shoes in your house.
I think it is more common a social custom than many people think.-COLLAPSE
i grew up in india where the custom in my home was to always remove your shoes. we pray in the house and dont want someone walking with outdoor shoes all through the house. it can cause discomfort and problems but we do this and request people to do this as well. most people are very good about this but some wont no matter what and we cant insist so it does create awkwardness.
Wasn't there a Sex and the City episode about this? I sided with Carrie-- how dare you ask me to remove my $800 Blahniks! Seriously, the episode (as I recall it) pointed out a very real sociocultural problem: a lot of people, e.g., shoe-removal advocates, are nowadays ignoring a basic tenet of western civ: for the host to do everything possible to make guests feel comfortable. It's why we open...+READ
Wasn't there a Sex and the City episode about this? I sided with Carrie-- how dare you ask me to remove my $800 Blahniks! Seriously, the episode (as I recall it) pointed out a very real sociocultural problem: a lot of people, e.g., shoe-removal advocates, are nowadays ignoring a basic tenet of western civ: for the host to do everything possible to make guests feel comfortable. It's why we open our homes to out-of-town guests, pay for their theatre tickets, and don't ask them to chip in for for the coffee they drink in the morning. Granted, there's a counter-imperative: when in Rome, guests should do as the Romans (observe local customs, eat native foods when offered, etc.). Seems to me that the problem here is that the Shoe Rule is imposed *without warning*. If there are going to be unusual conditions to my setting foot in your house-- or eating in your house, or sleeping in your house, or whatever (no shoes, vegetarian-only food fare, no mattresses)-- then do something (however subtle, like circulating word through other guests if not small print on the invite) to let me know about it beforehand.-COLLAPSE
Both my husband and I agree to the no shoes policy. He is Swedish and I'm of Chinese decent. Now that we have a child - a toddler now, we're even more determined with our no shoes policy. There is so much dirt and gunk and crud that is brought in on the bottoms of shoes. We like to sit and play with our child on the floor - we don't need to worry about what we've dragged in on the bottoms of our...+READ
Both my husband and I agree to the no shoes policy. He is Swedish and I'm of Chinese decent. Now that we have a child - a toddler now, we're even more determined with our no shoes policy. There is so much dirt and gunk and crud that is brought in on the bottoms of shoes. We like to sit and play with our child on the floor - we don't need to worry about what we've dragged in on the bottoms of our shoes!-COLLAPSE
No,No,No, never shoes off for guests. For a lady, shoes are always part of the outfit and should be appreciated as such. Guys, who cares?
Barefoot is so very intimate it should never be imposed.
If one invites guests or friends to one's house then one should be prepared to deal with the consequences.
Who wants bits of fecal matter, half-dried mucous, and motor oil tracked all around the floor? Of course I vaccum and sweep, but it's much cleaner without the shoes. I like to roam the house barefeet knowing the floor's clean leaving no chance for cootie nightmares when I jump straight into bed. For that matter, I like to shower at night rather than in the morning...but I guess that's another...+READ
Who wants bits of fecal matter, half-dried mucous, and motor oil tracked all around the floor? Of course I vaccum and sweep, but it's much cleaner without the shoes. I like to roam the house barefeet knowing the floor's clean leaving no chance for cootie nightmares when I jump straight into bed. For that matter, I like to shower at night rather than in the morning...but I guess that's another topic.-COLLAPSE
I love the shoes off rule! But if you're going to do it, be polite and have a tiny selection of slippers, and don't be rude to the few people who feel uncomfortable, just let them keep their shoes on. If you're throwing a party, provide some wacky socks/slippers for your guests (you can buy very cheap at drug stores on sale, or get some fun toesocks on sale and they can bring them home). At the...+READ
I love the shoes off rule! But if you're going to do it, be polite and have a tiny selection of slippers, and don't be rude to the few people who feel uncomfortable, just let them keep their shoes on. If you're throwing a party, provide some wacky socks/slippers for your guests (you can buy very cheap at drug stores on sale, or get some fun toesocks on sale and they can bring them home). At the very least it's a fun conversation point.-COLLAPSE