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The Perfect Party Cocktail
Mark McClusky's DIY Cheese
Dear Helena,
At a friend’s house, I enjoyed the best cheesecake I’ve ever had. It was rich and creamy and light all at the same time, and it had a haunting taste. Perhaps it had orange-flower water in it. I’ll never know because I asked for the recipe and she refused, saying it’s a family secret. I was miffed. Why not share the love? —Cheesed-Off
Dear Cheesed-Off,
Clearly individuals or businesses with a commercial interest in selling food have the right to protect their recipes from use by potential competitors (though recipes are governed by a rather liberal fair-use policy). You probably wouldn’t have written this letter if the Cheesecake Factory restaurant chain had declined to “share the love.” But when a civilian, and a friend at that, keeps the ingredients of a dish you simply want to make for your loved ones a mystery, it’s a different matter. It’s certainly within her rights to not tell anybody if she doesn’t want to. Yet it does seem rather exclusionary and self-important—like refusing to divulge the secret rites of your college fraternity to your spouse long after the fact.
However, there are a couple of good reasons why people like your friend may be keeping their lips sealed.
- They’re honoring a dead relative: Whether you promised that you’d scatter his ashes in the Ganges or that you’d never utter the exact number of brandied cherries in his fruitcake, keeping one’s word to a dead relative is not to be trifled with. Your friend may also think the promise she made about the recipe seems selfish, but she is, first and foremost, a woman of honor.
- The secret itself is the secret ingredient: You can only have the dish when the recipe’s keepers choose to make it, so when they do, the experience of eating it is imbued with importance. When Anne Clifford, a grant writer who lives in Albany, California, was growing up, her family made eggnog every Christmas from a secret family recipe. As an adult, Clifford learned that the ingredients were the same as most run-of-the-mill eggnog recipes. “What made it special,” says Clifford, “was it was such a big secret.”
Incidentally, if you want to try the real Charles family Caesar, you might find it not just at Pearl’s but also at Ed’s Lobster Bar, run by one of Charles’ former sous-chefs. At least according to Charles, owner Ed McFarland copied the secret recipe he learned from Charles, and has dubbed it “Ed’s Caesar.”
McFarland says his Caesar is “completely different” from Charles’ version. When pressed to describe the difference, he said: “It tastes fresher because I only make it in small quantities.” He refused to give any more details that would differentiate his salad, saying only: “It’s secret.”
Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena. Read more Table Manners.
I do not share recipes anymore, after having my recipes brought by others to several gatherings. My sister actually posted one I gave her on the internet as "my sister's" on a site we both use. She had posted exactly none of her own!!
Is it a sin to want the option of bringing your own recipe to the party without being pre-empted by a copycat?
I usually have no problem sharing my recipes but I ran across a situation with a friend with whom I attended many social situations with who always wanted my recipes, and then at some future event would bring "my" dish touting it was "my recipe", however, she would alter the ingredients to such an extent that I would be absolutely mortified that her creation would even be associated with my name....+READ
I usually have no problem sharing my recipes but I ran across a situation with a friend with whom I attended many social situations with who always wanted my recipes, and then at some future event would bring "my" dish touting it was "my recipe", however, she would alter the ingredients to such an extent that I would be absolutely mortified that her creation would even be associated with my name. For example a lovely Wisconsin cheddar cheese soup, which is not a long cooking soup, she would not dice but large chop the carrots and peppers, use margarine, lowfat cheap cheese, etc. It was a tasteless, separated, raw veg mess! Who knows how many functions she did this at that are unknown to me.
How the heck do you deal with that? I feel the need now to ask a recipe recipient to not reveal the origins of the recipe but can't bring myself to do it.
The other dilemma is that it seems most folks who request the recipes are not strong on cooking skills and there is a good possibility the outcome, whether due to ingredient substitution or lack of technique, is very likely to not resemble "my" recipe.-COLLAPSE
Some things are meant to share- that's why I'm serving them to you. I have a few awesome recipes that always get rave reviews. No one has my guacamole recipe (made it up myself. took a while) nor my Mom's cobbler recipe (she gave it to me on the condition that I not share it). Most people won't credit your hours of testing in the kitchen by admitting the recipe isn't there own. They don't know...+READ
Some things are meant to share- that's why I'm serving them to you. I have a few awesome recipes that always get rave reviews. No one has my guacamole recipe (made it up myself. took a while) nor my Mom's cobbler recipe (she gave it to me on the condition that I not share it). Most people won't credit your hours of testing in the kitchen by admitting the recipe isn't there own. They don't know how to cook & don't know how to experiment. For these people Trader Joe's has a frozen section.-COLLAPSE
The people I join at dinner parties cook as well as I do if not better. When they ask for a recipe it's a compliment and I share it with them.
When I eat at their homes, they are always willing to share a recipe they may have for something I am enjoying that they have prepared. Share and share alike!
....and to add to my above post. when asked about a good recipe i try to share a technique that will help the other cook but not necessarily spell out every step. that way they improve their technique but still have to use their own creativity in their cooking. for example if i learn of a better way to pan fry (like it's kind of good to let meat stick a little to the pan and then deglaze the pan)...+READ
....and to add to my above post. when asked about a good recipe i try to share a technique that will help the other cook but not necessarily spell out every step. that way they improve their technique but still have to use their own creativity in their cooking. for example if i learn of a better way to pan fry (like it's kind of good to let meat stick a little to the pan and then deglaze the pan) and i feel that is what makes that particular recipe better than most....i share that technique with them. if people use better techniques their cooking will be improved overall. i feel like i'm doing right by them when there is just a true sincere appreciation for what you've made and a desire to improve their own cooking. after all....it's really the techniques in cooking that make the difference. when you learn those you can wing it and make your own good recipes.
when someone presses me for each exact step in detail it seems.....well sort of lazy to me. it's kind of like having a 'study buddy' in college that waits til you fill out the study guide and then just wants all your answers without letting you benefit from their input. they just use all of your hard work, and it's not a shared collaboration.-COLLAPSE
i've had some similar experiences when sharing recipes: being 'credited' with a horrible, cheap version of mine, not being given credit at all, having a 'special' recipe served to me at every community function i attend until even i'm sick of it and of having to come up with new 'tried and true' recipes on my repertoire b/c someone else is now serving it all the places they know i used to....+READ
i've had some similar experiences when sharing recipes: being 'credited' with a horrible, cheap version of mine, not being given credit at all, having a 'special' recipe served to me at every community function i attend until even i'm sick of it and of having to come up with new 'tried and true' recipes on my repertoire b/c someone else is now serving it all the places they know i used to. frustrating!
i have no problem sharing recipes when the recipient uses some etiquette. it is rude to serve someone else's dish at functions that you know they bring it to. it's rude to degrade someone's recipe with really cheap ingredients and proudly serve it back to them. it's rude to serve a dish and not give credit to the person who gave it to you amongst mutual friends, called plagiarism in journalism! :)
it is also rude to serve someone else's 'special' dish ad nauseum at pot lucks, etc...and the rudest of all: when the recipient enters your prize winning chili recipe (after they swore they just wanted it for personal reasons), in the same contest you enter!!!
i've experienced all of these and yes it has made me wary of sharing recipes with certain people...others i have no problem sharing my recipes with...the ones that use another's recipe the way it should be used!-COLLAPSE
I don't have any problems with recipe secrets either keeping them or asking for them.
I make a chicken and leek pie that is largely based on Stephanie Alexander's but with a few modifications to make it my own. It's extraordinarily popular and I must confess to doing the email interference when asked for the recipe. The only thing I'll tell them is that it is based on the recipe I mentioned, as...+READ
I don't have any problems with recipe secrets either keeping them or asking for them.
I make a chicken and leek pie that is largely based on Stephanie Alexander's but with a few modifications to make it my own. It's extraordinarily popular and I must confess to doing the email interference when asked for the recipe. The only thing I'll tell them is that it is based on the recipe I mentioned, as far as I'm concerned if they want the product I've come up with then they should experiment with concept as I did.
Curiously the person who most adores the pie has never asked for the recipe and I think this is because she enjoys the sense of occasion and favour from only been able to enjoy it when I cooked for her.
So as far as i'm concerned guests shouldn't have any problems with asking for a recipe, but they also shouldn't feel offended if refused - the secret and the fact that you can only occasionally enjoy the recipe is what makes it special.-COLLAPSE
Two things. I was once accused of not giving the entire recipe. I would never do that. My "guest" said that when she made it, it didn't taste like mine had. I improvise when I cook, so none of my recipes do either. I'd told her that, but that alone would make me shy about sharing anything else, in case I accidently left anything out.
However, a sweet story. A friend of mine just shared a secret...+READ
Two things. I was once accused of not giving the entire recipe. I would never do that. My "guest" said that when she made it, it didn't taste like mine had. I improvise when I cook, so none of my recipes do either. I'd told her that, but that alone would make me shy about sharing anything else, in case I accidently left anything out.
However, a sweet story. A friend of mine just shared a secret pie recipe of her grandmother's after her grandmother died. She had a cooking party the day before Thanksgiving. It gave her comfort that she could pass along the secret of making a pie from scratch as well as one of the recipes from someone she loved, and could share that "love" with other families on Thanksgiving.-COLLAPSE
oops...posted twice, don't know how that happened.
I gladly share recipes and such, but it has bugged me on one or two occasion when people have "taken over" a couple of my recipes and consistantly serve them at their cocktail and dinner parties and claim them as their own. At least give me credit, lol. In all seriousness, i love to cook, and certainly have no trouble sharing most recipes, especially if i've found them in books etc.
One thing...+READ
I gladly share recipes and such, but it has bugged me on one or two occasion when people have "taken over" a couple of my recipes and consistantly serve them at their cocktail and dinner parties and claim them as their own. At least give me credit, lol. In all seriousness, i love to cook, and certainly have no trouble sharing most recipes, especially if i've found them in books etc.
One thing that annoyed me though, was during a time when i was making and selling cheesecakes and kept getting hit up for the recipes by people i barely knew, or worse yet, people offering to trade mine for something that really didn't sound appealing. I'm trying to make money here, why would I do that? I always felt stingy or something when stating, " i don't normally share my recipes ".
I also make several dishes that I don't follow a recipe for, and find it amusing when people who ask for a recipe, get frustrated with me when i can't give exact measurements and such. If i say a dish calls for a white sauce, should I also be tasked with tracking down the measurments somewhere and teaching you how to cook it? no !
I know of someone who would share recipes but change something when passing it along so the new maker's dish would never hold a candle to hers, lol. That was umm....odd. hehe.-COLLAPSE
I gladly share recipes and such, but it has bugged me on one or two occasion when people have "taken over" a couple of my recipes and consistantly serve them at their cocktail and dinner parties and claim them as their own. At least give me credit, lol. In all seriousness, i love to cook, and certainly have no trouble sharing most recipes, especially if i've found them in books etc.
One thing...+READ
I gladly share recipes and such, but it has bugged me on one or two occasion when people have "taken over" a couple of my recipes and consistantly serve them at their cocktail and dinner parties and claim them as their own. At least give me credit, lol. In all seriousness, i love to cook, and certainly have no trouble sharing most recipes, especially if i've found them in books etc.
One thing that annoyed me though, was during a time when i was making and selling cheesecakes and kept getting hit up for the recipes by people i barely knew, or worse yet, people offering to trade mine for something that really didn't sound appealing. I'm trying to make money here, why would I do that? I always felt stingy or something when stating, " i don't normally share my recipes ".
I also make several dishes that I don't follow a recipe for, and find it amusing when people who ask for a recipe, get frustrated with me when i can't give exact measurements and such. If i say a dish calls for a white sauce, should I also be tasked with tracking down the measurments somewhere and teaching you how to cook it? no !
I know of someone who would share recipes but change something when passing it along so the new maker's dish would never hold a candle to hers, lol. That was umm....odd. hehe.-COLLAPSE
I have a secret cheesecake recipe too, and I've been in the position of having to refuse to give it to friends and relatives. But this recipe is special, it first came from my grandmother and my mother literally had to steal the recipe from where my grandmother kept it and copy it by flashlight in the dead of the night while visiting as an adult. Instead of stealing it from my mother I chose to...+READ
I have a secret cheesecake recipe too, and I've been in the position of having to refuse to give it to friends and relatives. But this recipe is special, it first came from my grandmother and my mother literally had to steal the recipe from where my grandmother kept it and copy it by flashlight in the dead of the night while visiting as an adult. Instead of stealing it from my mother I chose to wait, and when she passed away I took it. It's just...a very, very closely-guarded family secret. I have no plans to reproduce however, so I will eventually have to find someone to pass it on to. I just choose not to distribute it left and right to anyone who wants it. I absolutely do NOT think I am being selfish, nor do I think anyone else who won't divulge a recipe is being selfish. Anyone who would think such a person is being selfish, is being more selfish than the other person is. Or something like that.-COLLAPSE
While I generally share recipes, there is one that I do not. It's for lasagne but it's not my recipe. It's the secret recipe of a friend and he wants it kept that way.
My mother always gives the recipe too because she says that is one less thing for her to worry about. People always asking her to make the same things. Here's the recipe, go make it yourself and give me the freedom to make...+READ
While I generally share recipes, there is one that I do not. It's for lasagne but it's not my recipe. It's the secret recipe of a friend and he wants it kept that way.
My mother always gives the recipe too because she says that is one less thing for her to worry about. People always asking her to make the same things. Here's the recipe, go make it yourself and give me the freedom to make something else.
That said, Cheesed-Off is not entitled to the recipe. When you ask a question, be prepared to here "no". However, the manner in which the request for a recipe rejected is also a factor. I can deal with "family secret".-COLLAPSE
I really have to agree with the people who expressed frustration when someone butchers your recipe and then goes around serving it and attributes "credit" (i.e. fault) for the dramatically altered mess to you I have an online blog where I post my culinary creations, and I have a lot of people tell me, "Oh, I made your dish!" When I ask how they liked it, they confess that they made a wicked...+READ
I really have to agree with the people who expressed frustration when someone butchers your recipe and then goes around serving it and attributes "credit" (i.e. fault) for the dramatically altered mess to you I have an online blog where I post my culinary creations, and I have a lot of people tell me, "Oh, I made your dish!" When I ask how they liked it, they confess that they made a wicked number of substitutions, some of which usually leave me nauseated just reading. Sometimes they liked the result and other times they didn't, but in either case, I adamantly tell them that no, they did *not* make my dish.
Hell, it's not like I'm using difficult to locate ingredients most of the time, either. I just don't get it.-COLLAPSE
unless you are in talks with Betty Crocker, give it up! who cares, you can leave off one, okay, two secret ingrediants and give a variant .. but it's in good taste to hand over your recipe [even with a few minor adjustments] because refusing makes me wonder, hell, what did they use to get my mouth itching like that? hmm
^ you obviously didn't read all the other comments. There have been quite a few legitimate reasons posed for NOT sharing a recipe.
I found the most convincing was when a person stuffs up the recipe, due to their own culinary incompetence, then loudly proclaims "I used X's recipe!"
To damn everyone as being "childish and insecure" is far from compassionate.
It's a childish insecure thing not to share a recipe.
It says: "No. I need to be the ONLY one who can make this dish. That makes me special. So when I make it you will all heap praise on me alone. If I tell you then I won't be the special great cook anymore."
It's ridiculous.
And when someone does give me a recipe and I get compliments on it, I always give the originator props. "Isn't that...+READ
It's a childish insecure thing not to share a recipe.
It says: "No. I need to be the ONLY one who can make this dish. That makes me special. So when I make it you will all heap praise on me alone. If I tell you then I won't be the special great cook anymore."
It's ridiculous.
And when someone does give me a recipe and I get compliments on it, I always give the originator props. "Isn't that great? It's Janie's recipe".-COLLAPSE
My problem is that when I share a recipe and the people just change it around to their convenience and then they announce to everyone how they 'made your so and so' but ' i didn't do this and i didn't do that.' They didn't make my recipe but told everyone they did and I have to suffer the review. I don't give them out, sorry. Besides, I make everything on the fly so I that becomes my excuse these...+READ
My problem is that when I share a recipe and the people just change it around to their convenience and then they announce to everyone how they 'made your so and so' but ' i didn't do this and i didn't do that.' They didn't make my recipe but told everyone they did and I have to suffer the review. I don't give them out, sorry. Besides, I make everything on the fly so I that becomes my excuse these days. I'll always give someone an idea of how things go together and a serious cook I will always share with. But to give every idiot my tried and true,sorry won't happen. I spent over 25 years tryiing to figure some recipes out, I'm not going to give them out in 39 seconds.-COLLAPSE
I've had the same experience as 512window! I gave a coworker/friend a recipe for some little savory cookies and he made a terrible batch them for our christmas potluck. Then he announced that he got the recipe from me! Not only was it kind of minorly embarrassing but, also, those were my standbys for such events and now I feel like I can't make them anymore cause it will look like I am trying to...+READ
I've had the same experience as 512window! I gave a coworker/friend a recipe for some little savory cookies and he made a terrible batch them for our christmas potluck. Then he announced that he got the recipe from me! Not only was it kind of minorly embarrassing but, also, those were my standbys for such events and now I feel like I can't make them anymore cause it will look like I am trying to get one up on him. I now give recipes out occassionally. Often times, when people ask for a recipe on the spot, they are just trying to give praise in a more personal way than just saying 'these are good'. I'm going to adopt that trick of offering to email the recipe. If they pester me for it, I'll send it. Maybe.-COLLAPSE
I got leary of sharing my recipes after doing so and having the recipient make it for a potluck, make it wrong, and then triumphantly proclaim that they were following my recipe. It made me aware that there's more to cooking than following a recipe -- good cooking takes a special sense, and not everyone has that sense.
I can't imagine NOT wanting to share a recipe; I come from a food-centric, sharing culture (cajun south Louisiana) where every Tom, Dick, and Harry will give you a recipe while you're pumping gas, shopping at the supermarket, or at a wake. I can't see why people would guard a "family" recipe--isn't the point of family to pass things on to the next generation, and isn't it the highest tribute to...+READ
I can't imagine NOT wanting to share a recipe; I come from a food-centric, sharing culture (cajun south Louisiana) where every Tom, Dick, and Harry will give you a recipe while you're pumping gas, shopping at the supermarket, or at a wake. I can't see why people would guard a "family" recipe--isn't the point of family to pass things on to the next generation, and isn't it the highest tribute to do as others have taught you, perpetuating these familial & cultural traditions? Withholding a recipe is a very alien notion to me, and I'd probably be offended if someone refused to divulge or (worse) intentionally misled me. Sharing a recipe or technique doesn't diminish the giver/teacher in any way, and it strengthens the bond between friends and family.-COLLAPSE
I think it's a little rude to ASK for the recipe. It's like commenting on someone's nice dress, then asking to borrow it!! Well, not exactly, but it's a little tacky just the same. Just enjoy the dish, the cook's company, and be sure to rant and rave about it so when you see them again, they always make you some :-)
I don't think anyone is obligated to share their recipes if they don't want to. The is no other reason required other than the person didn't want to. When I'm pressed for my recipes, I will tell them approximately 90% of the ingredients. But I will never give up the proportions.
If you really don't wish to share why not just say so. If you give out your fav recipe and it winds up at every party you go to from that point on, why not just say "hey guys, aren't you sick of that crazy cookie recipe already!"
My granny had the greatest master plan-the recipes were "all in her head" no measurements--hard to give out!
I have my MaMa's Chocolate Pie recipe that I will never share with anyone not related to me. It was one of my Grandmothers only cooking memories of her mother (she died when MaMa was 6) and her wish was that it only be passed to direct family members or if you marry in to the family. You have to basically swear on your life to never share. So, sorry I won't share but I will tell you why.
On the...+READ
I have my MaMa's Chocolate Pie recipe that I will never share with anyone not related to me. It was one of my Grandmothers only cooking memories of her mother (she died when MaMa was 6) and her wish was that it only be passed to direct family members or if you marry in to the family. You have to basically swear on your life to never share. So, sorry I won't share but I will tell you why.
On the other hand I will share anything thing else, I even gave a neighbor a lesson on how to fold in ingredients so she could make my Flourless Chocolate cake.
Good recipe rule- don't hijack a good cooks recipe, you'll never get another one from them .-COLLAPSE
Over the weekend, I made dinner for my son, his wife, her mom. I made several things they raved about, including my potato salad. I am going to write the recipe down, as my daughter-in-law loved it, but I made it like my mom did, and just made the dressing, adding some of this and more of that until it tasted right. I'm sure what I write down won't duplicate what I made. It isn't the same...+READ
Over the weekend, I made dinner for my son, his wife, her mom. I made several things they raved about, including my potato salad. I am going to write the recipe down, as my daughter-in-law loved it, but I made it like my mom did, and just made the dressing, adding some of this and more of that until it tasted right. I'm sure what I write down won't duplicate what I made. It isn't the same everytime I make it!-COLLAPSE
To me, when someone will not share a recipe they are not terribly confident in their own cooking abilities. Maybe they only have a couple of good dishes and little creativity.
I have worked for chefs who would share any and all recipes at the drop of a hat. I have worked for others who guarded their recipes jealously. Sure there are reasons for both behaviors but the ones who would divulge were...+READ
To me, when someone will not share a recipe they are not terribly confident in their own cooking abilities. Maybe they only have a couple of good dishes and little creativity.
I have worked for chefs who would share any and all recipes at the drop of a hat. I have worked for others who guarded their recipes jealously. Sure there are reasons for both behaviors but the ones who would divulge were better chefs. I guess that some people need to feel ownership of their recipes.
Several posts above made the point that even given a recipe it will turn out differently in the hands of each new cook. This is why when I try to cook one of the ten or so dishes that my mother knows how to make it NEVER tastes the same as hers.-COLLAPSE
No one mentioned the possibility that the cheesecake in question could have been store bought and the hostess was embarrassed to admit it. (Which opens up a whole other set of questions, but let's not go there.)
The only justifiable reasons to refuse to share a recipe are if you make your living from the recipe or if you had to swear to keep it secret in order to get it and the person you got it from is still alive. Other than that, how are you possibly harmed by sharing it? I think it rebounds to your credit. And who cares if you see your recipe at a pot-luck or a dinner? Take it as the compliment it...+READ
The only justifiable reasons to refuse to share a recipe are if you make your living from the recipe or if you had to swear to keep it secret in order to get it and the person you got it from is still alive. Other than that, how are you possibly harmed by sharing it? I think it rebounds to your credit. And who cares if you see your recipe at a pot-luck or a dinner? Take it as the compliment it is.
And I see no excuse for pretending that you are sharing the recipe but actually sharing a modified version. If you don't want to share then have the guts to say so. Don't be a false friend pretending to be nicer than you really are!-COLLAPSE
I love to share my recipes. I have a reputation as a really good cook, and it flatters me when someone asks for the recipe. Since most people think I can cook better than they can(probably not true), they never make "my" recipes for me. The cooks I know who can cook as well or better than I can share with me, and I'm always happy to get a new recipe. I'd never think of making it for them. That's...+READ
I love to share my recipes. I have a reputation as a really good cook, and it flatters me when someone asks for the recipe. Since most people think I can cook better than they can(probably not true), they never make "my" recipes for me. The cooks I know who can cook as well or better than I can share with me, and I'm always happy to get a new recipe. I'd never think of making it for them. That's just me and my friends' attitudes, I guess.-COLLAPSE
Perhaps, like me, the friend had previously given out a prized recipe only to have a horrid version of it served back to her at a future gathering. I gave out my favorite squash recipe ( I only serve it once a year) and my MIL made it twice within a couple of weeks. Both times it was a dry pasty mess and ended up turning me off to it all together.
I once smuggled a recipe out of Iowa
On more than one level, not one more than one. :/
Share -- implies you both have/get something. If it's not important enough for someone to "share" my recipe that they don't have one to offer in return, then they don't get it. One more than one level.
If I "give" my recipe, I'll make a batch of it and include the recipe. Occasionally I'll donate one of my recipes to a cookbook project, but then I get to see the recipe in context with many...+READ
Share -- implies you both have/get something. If it's not important enough for someone to "share" my recipe that they don't have one to offer in return, then they don't get it. One more than one level.
If I "give" my recipe, I'll make a batch of it and include the recipe. Occasionally I'll donate one of my recipes to a cookbook project, but then I get to see the recipe in context with many others.-COLLAPSE
Now, Casa SaltShaker has the iron clad, don't give it out reason. If someone gives you a recipe and swears you to secrecy, that's that and you can't give it out. Karma isn't worth messing with for that!
There's also honoring a live relative or friend. Though I agree with nsolis above, no one is under obligation, nor do I consider it selfish not to pass on a recipe (sometimes it IS fun to be the only one who knows how to make something), I like to share my recipes - save one. It's likewise a cheesecake recipe, and I got it from the aunt of a friend of mine, on agreeing to her condition that I...+READ
There's also honoring a live relative or friend. Though I agree with nsolis above, no one is under obligation, nor do I consider it selfish not to pass on a recipe (sometimes it IS fun to be the only one who knows how to make something), I like to share my recipes - save one. It's likewise a cheesecake recipe, and I got it from the aunt of a friend of mine, on agreeing to her condition that I never divulge the recipe while she's alive. Why? I don't know, nor did I ask. But it was her request, and I agreed to it in order to get the recipe, so I honor that.-COLLAPSE
^ Yep, in order to try to look at it in its best light, you are prob right.
I think you overreacted...anyone cooking food for someone else should be given the benefit of the doubt. Its a wonderful thing to do for someone. So, doing that, she made it because she knew you liked it and wanted to serve you something and what you said in #2.
As for the cookies above....just keep making them. If people can't appreciate the effort and care that goes into making something...+READ
I think you overreacted...anyone cooking food for someone else should be given the benefit of the doubt. Its a wonderful thing to do for someone. So, doing that, she made it because she knew you liked it and wanted to serve you something and what you said in #2.
As for the cookies above....just keep making them. If people can't appreciate the effort and care that goes into making something homemade for them, then that's their problem.-COLLAPSE
I don't believe you should have to share a recipe if you don't want to. I generally do...
But one time it really backfired -- I have a fantastic vegetarian-friendly lentil stew (that I'd got from Parade Magazine, of all places) that always brings raves. My good friend asked for the recipe (she was living with a vegetarian at the time who didn't really know how to cook) so I happily shared it.
...+READ
I don't believe you should have to share a recipe if you don't want to. I generally do...
But one time it really backfired -- I have a fantastic vegetarian-friendly lentil stew (that I'd got from Parade Magazine, of all places) that always brings raves. My good friend asked for the recipe (she was living with a vegetarian at the time who didn't really know how to cook) so I happily shared it.
The next time we came over there, she served MY dish to us!! Worse still, she didn't even make it as nicely as I do...
I was quite miffed (tho of course I didn't say anything). This is a dish I have in heavy rotation in my home menu plan. Why would I want to eat it at someone else's place?
I don't know if she chose to serve that meal bc (1) she knew we'd like it (2) she was perhaps being thoughtful ?! and showing her gratitude for a nice recipe (3) it was/is a perfect and inexpensive dish for a dinner party/pot luck (4) she lacked imagination to come up with one of her own menu plans or what...........
I dunno.
Perhaps I took it the wrong way or over-reacted...
But I just didn't appreciate it, so I am now wary of sharing my fave recipes with close friends.
Then again, I am about to launch my first cookbook, so I can't be all *that* wary about it!!
Family Cookbook -- soon avail for purchase at --
www.paulineadamek.com
Three sample recipes are already up there.-COLLAPSE
I used to make a special biscotti recipe at Christmas time; I gave them to my relatives as gifts, and brought in a big batch to work for my coworkers. Everyone loved them, and people always begged for the recipe, so I foolishly shared it.
Now everyone I know makes the same cookies; they aren't mine and they aren't special, so bringing them in to work or giving them as gifts is no longer an...+READ
I used to make a special biscotti recipe at Christmas time; I gave them to my relatives as gifts, and brought in a big batch to work for my coworkers. Everyone loved them, and people always begged for the recipe, so I foolishly shared it.
Now everyone I know makes the same cookies; they aren't mine and they aren't special, so bringing them in to work or giving them as gifts is no longer an option.
The first commenter said something about the woman wanting to be the best cheesecake maker, and not wanting compitition, and I totally understand that. I really liked it when people raved about how good my cookies were, I liked having people beg me to make a batch for them, it made me feel good. Is that so wrong?-COLLAPSE
Many who refuse to share "secret" recipes are just being passive agressive. This trait is rampant among Southern families. I just chalk it up to small mindedness of people who don't get out much. I've encountered this phenomena in the restauranteurs of the world, for a far different reason. I think they're afraid to "sell" their secrets in fear of business failures. I usually just imitate...+READ
Many who refuse to share "secret" recipes are just being passive agressive. This trait is rampant among Southern families. I just chalk it up to small mindedness of people who don't get out much. I've encountered this phenomena in the restauranteurs of the world, for a far different reason. I think they're afraid to "sell" their secrets in fear of business failures. I usually just imitate whatever dish/recipe I covet until I get the result that pleases me. Those of us who truly admire fine, inventive cuisine are not ever small minded about dissemination of how-to's, etc.-COLLAPSE
I am a collector of family recipes - my own and other families. What better recipe than a tried and true from someone you admire? And you can't beat the opportunity to make a dish for someone whose mom, grandma, aunt used to make this fabulous whatever. I've also been saddened by the loss of a cookie recipe for some jumbled cookies my grandma used to make with choc chips, butterscotch chips, nuts...+READ
I am a collector of family recipes - my own and other families. What better recipe than a tried and true from someone you admire? And you can't beat the opportunity to make a dish for someone whose mom, grandma, aunt used to make this fabulous whatever. I've also been saddened by the loss of a cookie recipe for some jumbled cookies my grandma used to make with choc chips, butterscotch chips, nuts and I think applesauce. So I say share those recipes so they don't get lost!
So I always ask and I always share - even when its ridiculously easy or has all storebought ingredients. Then when they are asked for the recipe, they can say they got it from me and that's my way of handing down what are now my family recipes.
Having said that, my family tells me that I shouldn't give out Grandma's real meat mincemeat pie recipe but I think it will be lost if I don't so I think I'm going to anyway.-COLLAPSE
I think it's a nice compliment when someone asks for the recipe for a dish that I made. I am usually happy to share the techniques, however embarassing the "ready made" ingredients. Recipes can turn out differently depending on the cook!
I highly agree, Pemma.
I think giving the recipe, but leaving out an ingredient or "fudging a timing issue" is worse than not giving the recipe at all. This is really sneaky and the person getting the recipe will always be frustrated because it never comes out the same as the original. Either give the recipe or don't give it.
You can satisfy folks that want a recipe yet still keep your secret by only divulging part of the recipe. In the above example, I would respond (if I was the chef): "it's like a normal cheesecake recipe except I use orange flower water instead of vanilla." If I heard something like that I'd be satisfied and wouldn't bug the chef anymore.
I am almost always willing to share recipes -- it's the skill of the cook more then the formula that makes the dish. Now, mind you, what I did the day I cooked any specific food and what the recipe I used are may not match up that well....
I do have a couple of recipes that I am reluctant to share though - they're not anything special, and I'll gladly refer people to other recipes for them, but...+READ
I am almost always willing to share recipes -- it's the skill of the cook more then the formula that makes the dish. Now, mind you, what I did the day I cooked any specific food and what the recipe I used are may not match up that well....
I do have a couple of recipes that I am reluctant to share though - they're not anything special, and I'll gladly refer people to other recipes for them, but they are foods that in our family mark religious celebrations, and I just don't feel like having one of our sacred meals turn up at random pot lucks. This doesn't come up often though (twice in my life, I think). Mostly cause we usually only share festival foods with other people who "get it", and with whom I am thus happy to share my recipes for festival foods! *lol*-COLLAPSE
Share the recipes. Its just flat out petty not to. Ultimately, recipes are just a starting point and the cook, the occasion, the ingredients, etc will all make a dish come out better or worse or just differently.
If you think enough of someone to make food for them, I don't know why you wouldn't think enough of them to share recipes or techniques.
I tend to run into a slightly different situation with my aunts, all of whom make the most amazing Jewish-Morrocan food: all of their recipes are in their heads, often in another language, and it takes them forever to figure out how much of a certain ingredient they use or to describe a particular technique. Sometimes I regret asking! Seriously, though, the best way to gain this type of knowledge...+READ
I tend to run into a slightly different situation with my aunts, all of whom make the most amazing Jewish-Morrocan food: all of their recipes are in their heads, often in another language, and it takes them forever to figure out how much of a certain ingredient they use or to describe a particular technique. Sometimes I regret asking! Seriously, though, the best way to gain this type of knowledge is simply to cook with them and take good notes.
Who knows, maybe that would be a good way for some of the secret-recipe-wanters to find out. Just pop over early for some wine and reconnaissance!-COLLAPSE
I don't think anyone has to divulge a recipe if they don't want to. But for me, I can't think of any reason not to share my recipes. I don't need to feel like I am the only one who can make my super special meals. Share the love.
If someone wants to keep a recipe a secret, why do they need a reason? I understand how Cheesed-Off feels, but it almost feels that he/she felt entitled to the recipe. The recipe was the friend's to share or not, for whatever or no reason, and I don't see her decision not to share it as being selfish. If Cheesed-Off's felt that he/she deserved to get it, that seems selfish to me.
I leave out an ingrediant all the time or simply refuse to say...even with my boyfriend.
I don't get it. If I am using an embarrassing ingredient, like Knoor bouillion cubes or store bought stock, it shouldn't be a big deal. Afterall, anyone who is my friend shouldn't really be judging me. Then again, i am one of those people who will share every recipe in my repetoire.
I wholeheartedly agree with JK Gence! I make a certain soup dish that never fails to get rave reviews. It is ridiculously simple and, I'm embarrassed to admit, the secret ingredient is canned cream of mushroom soup. Whenever friends ask for the recipe, I would all the sudden become really distracted in the kitchen or cleaning up the table or what not and come up with something vague. If they...+READ
I wholeheartedly agree with JK Gence! I make a certain soup dish that never fails to get rave reviews. It is ridiculously simple and, I'm embarrassed to admit, the secret ingredient is canned cream of mushroom soup. Whenever friends ask for the recipe, I would all the sudden become really distracted in the kitchen or cleaning up the table or what not and come up with something vague. If they persist, I ask for their email and "forget" it.-COLLAPSE
Yes, it is selfish. But no, etiquette does not require you to disclose the recipe.
You ARE required (by etiquette, good sense, and common decency) to disclose ingredients to someone who has an absolute dietary restriction. For example, if someone is kosher, vegan or gluten-free, you MUST tell them if the recipe contains anythign on the forbidden list. But that doesn't mean you have to tell...+READ
Yes, it is selfish. But no, etiquette does not require you to disclose the recipe.
You ARE required (by etiquette, good sense, and common decency) to disclose ingredients to someone who has an absolute dietary restriction. For example, if someone is kosher, vegan or gluten-free, you MUST tell them if the recipe contains anythign on the forbidden list. But that doesn't mean you have to tell them the recipe.
What refusing to share the recipe will do to the relationship depends on the individuals, but etiquette alone doesn't account for that.-COLLAPSE
er, I meant, "offer to email them the recipe". I should know better than to post when drowsy.
My usual reason for keeping a secret on the recipe is because part of the recipe is potentially embarrassing, such as starting with a base of store-bought items or an ingredient that people wouldn't *want* to know is in there.
I have found that the best way of dealing with such requests is to offer them to email the recipe... and then forget. If they *really* want the recipe, they'll bother you...+READ
My usual reason for keeping a secret on the recipe is because part of the recipe is potentially embarrassing, such as starting with a base of store-bought items or an ingredient that people wouldn't *want* to know is in there.
I have found that the best way of dealing with such requests is to offer them to email the recipe... and then forget. If they *really* want the recipe, they'll bother you more about it, and you can be quite sure the recipe will be in good hands.-COLLAPSE
Isn't it obvious that the friend likes the honour of being the best cheesecake maker..and doesn't want competition?