Items You Will Never Need

Without the printing press, we’d be uninformed; without the toothbrush, stinky. Unfortunately, not all inventions turn out to be life altering, or life improving—or even worth the packaging. As Christmas approaches, you’ll see lots of them. These are our favorites.

1. ButterMate
This actually makes cutting butter look difficult.
The Storage Store.com, $11.99

2. Flipping Omelet Pan
Making a proper omelet takes practice. But we think a spatula works pretty well.
AsSeenOnTV.com, $19.95

3. Pizza Fork
Remember sporks? This stainless steel fork-and-pizza-cutter combo does not make for pretty eating.
Stupididiotic, $6

4. Micro Mitts
When you must grab something hot from the toaster, Micro Mitts protect your fingertips. Or you could just wait 15 seconds.
The Home Marketplace, $7.99/set of two

5. Octodog Frankfurter Converter
Why would you want to use a cute cephalopod to bamboozle your kids into eating a hot dog? If your kids hate hot dogs, consider it a blessing.
Octodog, $16.95

6. Moo Mixer Supreme
Everybody knows how hard it is to mix up a glass of chocolate milk. First there’s the pouring of the milk, then the addition of the chocolate syrup or cocoa, and then there’s the stirring …
Amazon.com, $12.95

7. Pasta Express
Cooking pasta is a four-step process, and this invention removes exactly none of them. You still have to boil water, and then add pasta, cook it, and drain it. You can do it in this little glass capsule, or in a pot on the stove like a regular person.
Pasta Express, $19.99

8. Motorized Ice Cream Cone
Talk about taking the fun out of it.
Perpetual Kid, $8.99

9. Presto Pizzazz Pizza Maker
Which do you think makes the better pizza—oven and pizza stone, or turntable and heat lamp?
$49.99 at MSN Shopping

10. StirChef Automatic Pot Stirrer
Kind of like the automatic Slurpee stirrer at the 7-Eleven.
$9.99 at Crazysaver.com