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Dear Helena,
I am a student and usually eat in the college cafeteria. My best friend always picks the inside of her bagels out, squishes the dough, and molds it into pellets. Last week I told her it was disgusting. She got all indignant, as if I was the rude one. Was I irrational, or is it wrong to play with your food? —Grossed-Out
Dear Grossed-Out,
I can relate. A wine critic friend of mine recently built a Lilliputian teetertotter from a fork balanced on a cork, with olive pits on one end and cracker fragments on the other. He bragged that it was his way of creatively expressing himself. To him, however, there was a distinction between his sculpture and your friend’s bagel balls: “I only play with remnants.”
Whether you’re using detritus or not, playing with your food is a form of fidgeting. It distracts others, and it suggests that the person playing is distracted—more interested in his or her lettuce origami than in the conversation.
Food play also shows disdain for your dinner. Lindsey Moreland, a yoga teacher and Ayurvedic practitioner in Taos, New Mexico, says, “Playing with your food is disrespectful to the source of life energy, or prana, that food represents.”
Food play also shows disdain for your dinner.
Books like Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma (2006) have educated us about the cost of what’s on our plate, including the fossil fuel used to grow and transport it, and the environmental impact of pesticides and fertilizers that may have been used in its cultivation. Obviously, sometimes you can’t eat everything you are served. But you shouldn’t draw attention to your leftovers by making a sculpture out of them.
Furthermore, your friend’s bagel mangling suggests unresolved psychological issues. In playing with her food, she is regressing to the behavior of a five-year-old. Her food play might be an unconscious cry for attention, much as a toddler might smear ketchup all over the table. Or perhaps the habit, like thumb sucking, soothes anxiety. Ideally, your friend would see a trained psychotherapist to get to the root of the problem. But I wouldn’t recommend suggesting this over breakfast.
Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
College dining halls have never been places of fine manners put into practice. well I remember the escapades my dorm mates and I got up to at Porter College at UC Santa Cruz.
One friend would throw a teabag up on the wall to see it stick. Some were there for days or weeks. Another guy I remember would mix all his leftovers in a coffee cup. No matter what he ate, the result always looked the...+READ
College dining halls have never been places of fine manners put into practice. well I remember the escapades my dorm mates and I got up to at Porter College at UC Santa Cruz.
One friend would throw a teabag up on the wall to see it stick. Some were there for days or weeks. Another guy I remember would mix all his leftovers in a coffee cup. No matter what he ate, the result always looked the same. Another person discovered that lime jello put in a mug and wiggled makes a funny noise. Only lime would do it. One group had contests every evening to see which cookie could hold a plate on an inverted tray placed atop 4 glasses the longest. My favorite were the modern food and cutlery sculptures. Peanut butter was a strong contender. This was all a disgusting show and waste of food (which of course was all tossed out-played with or not, once taken, cafeteria food can not be served again by law) but we all were under a good load of college stress-especially around mid terms and finals, and were youth away from our parents. it was much better entertainment than the gamelan music the provost would occasionally torture us with during meal times.
Now I know better.-COLLAPSE
Bagel mangling with your fingers is a pretty unappetizing behavior.
The issue is more important than you may think. If your friend doesn't know how offensive this could be to others it could actually effect her future.
It happened to a friend of mine. He had a nasty habit I will not go into. Though we all loved him and enjoyed his company within our social set, he was not invited to...+READ
Bagel mangling with your fingers is a pretty unappetizing behavior.
The issue is more important than you may think. If your friend doesn't know how offensive this could be to others it could actually effect her future.
It happened to a friend of mine. He had a nasty habit I will not go into. Though we all loved him and enjoyed his company within our social set, he was not invited to "important" business dinners. He missed out on many connections that would have made his life easier.
I wish now that I had been brave enough to clue him in.-COLLAPSE
What would thanksgiving be without mashed potatoes and gravy volcanos? Playing with it brings me almost as much joy as slowly carving away at it.
Ah, but yet another distinction cries to be made! What of the food you cannot possibly finish, do not want to take home, and is sadly destined for waste? I mean, for example foodstuffs like the hillocks of electric green wasabi scooped onto your sushi plate. You've consumed all your tongue can handle; surely the the entertainment value of sculpting celebrity figurines allays some of the total,...+READ
Ah, but yet another distinction cries to be made! What of the food you cannot possibly finish, do not want to take home, and is sadly destined for waste? I mean, for example foodstuffs like the hillocks of electric green wasabi scooped onto your sushi plate. You've consumed all your tongue can handle; surely the the entertainment value of sculpting celebrity figurines allays some of the total, already irretrievable loss? Making bagel snowmen in public may not be conscientious, but I'm much more concerned about people who leave the restaurant without taking their plateful of leftovers.-COLLAPSE