Carl’s Jr. and the Case of the Half-Assed Foot-Long

The headline: "Carl’s Jr. testing foot-long cheeseburger." Testing what, you might ask? In the land of the chronically fat and recklessly unwise, how could a one-foot-long burger fail to delight?

But the OC Register's food columnist wasn't particularly impressed by the massive new heart-stopping treat, which is being tested in limited locations:

"Upon further inspection, I discovered the foot-long came with three tiny round patties carefully placed between a Hoagie-style bun. I was kind of hoping for one long, lean burger patty. The toppings (onions, mayo, pickles, lettuce, tomato, and cheese) made the whole thing ordinary."

A bold prediction: too little, too late. For a country long since over the hamburger served on a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut, the multipatty foot-long cheeseburger will seem like a lame stab at disgusting fast-food excess. Next time, drench everything in rendered bacon fat and replace the buns with foot-long Hostess Twinkies. Instant win!

Image source: Flickr member Robert Banh under Creative Commons