The advice? Obsidian arrowheads and amethyst crystals buried in the basement, walnut and metal essences mixed into the paint, more round shapes, water in vases strategically placed around the dining room, and seating recommendations: "Don't place important guests [i.e., critics] at certain tables. Kitchen meetings should be held in the front of the kitchen. Play piano music to bring in more metal."
It's not as unconventional as it might sound. After all, two years ago McDonald's opened a location in Hacienda Heights with a "one-of-a-kind Feng Shui-inspired design ... including water elements, earth tones, red accents, and exotic fauna."
Image source: Flickr member cuttlefish under Creative Commons
Yes, that is definitely the way to go. I wouldn't even bother with good food, comfortable seating, reasonable pricing, good staff. Just bury some worthless minerals in your basement and you are set.
Sheesh. Isn't it hard enough for restaurants to survive without worrying about new age crapola?
Wall Street Journal, eh?