That’s Cold, Dude

There is something compelling about having the curtain drawn back on the inner workings of institutions we patronize daily.

Starbucks Gossip is the go-to site for the inside dope on the coffee multinational everyone loves to hate. And in Punching In, Alex Frankel chronicles life as a “front-line” worker for a variety of corporations, including UPS.

Now Joshua Hirshfeld has blown the lid off the sugary world of Cold Stone Creamery. His entertainingly bitter rant in Flak Magazine exposes the absurdity inherent in Cold Stone’s marketing-speak (sizes are Like It, Love It, Gotta Have It) and the soul-killing nature of being forced to try to upsell each and every customer.

But is the taste of Cold Stone’s product worth being gouged and, even worse, exposed to singing counter help? Hirshfeld doesn’t think so:

Just because Cold Stone ice cream has premium butterfat content doesn’t mean it tastes good. It is smoother and creamier than the airier stuff you’d buy at a supermarket. But once you put the word ‘butterfat’ on the table, you realize that’s what this ice cream tastes like: cold, fatty butter. The flavors are too rich and sweet even before the mix-ins.