This Literally IS Your Grandfather’s Whiskey

Are you a whiskey idiot with an absolute ton of money? Well, brace yourself: "The world's oldest malt whiskey has gone on sale with a price tag of up to £10,000 (about $15,000) a bottle," reports the Telegraph. Small bottles of Mortlach 70-year-old Speyside are available for a mere £2,500.

Asked about the way the whiskey tastes, one of the firm's managing directors reportedly said: "It's good, sure. £1,000 good? Eh, maybe. Is anything really worth £1,000 a bottle, though?" He then added: "£10,000 good, no bleedin' way. Think about it. Bottle of brown liquor or a new Honda Fit, which do you choose? Remember, it's a bottle of really delicious brown liquor. Yeah, the car, right."

No, seriously, here's the statement from managing directors David and Michael Urquhart:

"We believe Mortlach 70 Years Old is a malt without comparison. If the reaction of those lucky enough to enjoy a dram today is anything to go by, whisky fans and people wishing to own a unique piece of Scotland's liquid history will be very excited about it."

And if you believe whiskey writer Charles MacLean--the lucky bastard apparently actually got to enjoy some of this stuff--"It's very exotic-tasting whiskey made before the Second World War, but purely from a flavor perspective it is just astonishing, with layers of flavor which you really only get with long maturation."

In conclusion, please, please, please invite me over to try some of this stuff, whomever out there somehow manages to get their hands on a bottle.