Tony Bourdain on Trendy Menus

Anthony Bourdain, described by Radar as the “cranky celebrity chef,” shares his list of beefs with restaurant menus in the October issue of the magazine. He can do without flavored salts, water sommeliers, truffle oil, and the dubiously labeled “cruelty-free” animal products—because the beasts clearly had to be killed in cold blood in order to make it to the table. But if you really want to get his goat, offer him a chocolate martini:

Both chocolate and liquor are good in bars, but ordering them together announces that you don’t like or appreciate either. Anyone who requests this drink should also get a T-shirt that says ‘I am an asshole, please take my money.’

So, Bourdain’s still calling ’em like he sees ’em. But what’s up with that unfortunate photo? Posed with a less-than-menacing pair of tongs (somebody must have left his chef knives at home), Bourdain is looking pretty rough. Maybe all the chain-smoking, trash-talking, weird-food-eating, and general partying like a rock star is starting to age him. Actually, considering his lifestyle, he probably looks a lot younger and fresher than he should. We still love ya, Tony—grizzled hair, far-off stare, and all.