One for the Road

An Indiana man known as the “Gin and Tonic” Bandit has been apprehended and accused of skipping out on five restaurant checks.

According to the Associated Press, the man went into the same restaurant every week and ordered a rib-eye and two G&Ts. When the check showed up, the man would excuse himself to “use the bathroom,” and would instead leave without paying.

The fifth time he did it, the restaurant was ready for him. He was arrested while trying to get into his Dine-n-Dashmobile and carted off to the poky, where at least every meal is free.

There are so many things I love about this story. Not the arrestee’s behavior; I used to wait tables, and I remember creepy managers who would force servers to pay when customers skipped on the bill. But I do love that he came in every week at the same time and ordered the exact same thing. Now, this is a creature of habit! No coconut shrimp or jalapeño poppers for you, sir? NO, damn it! Just the usual! I also love that he has a moniker. I want one! Could everyone here please start calling me the “Pretends to Be Asleep So Spouse Will Do Dishes” Layabout?

Finally, this is a fun bit from the story:

[W]hen he walked out of the restaurant, four employees were waiting for him. They confronted him about the unpaid bill, which he offered to pay with a check, police said.

After [the manager] told him the restaurant didn’t accept checks, the man ‘got nervous and ran,’ according to the police report.

I love the way that’s written, like maybe it’s just the payment method that has the guy all freaked out. “Waiiiiit! We do take Discover Card! Come baaaack!”