Are Your Fine Dining Days Over?

Published on Friday, March 9, 2007, by Tea / Edit Post

What is a foodie to do once she’s had a baby—is it dinner at home for the next five years? Can new parents ever hope for a night out that involves an amuse-bouche without a hefty babysitting bill?

Seattle PI food editor Hsiao-Ching Chou may have the answer. This week she writes about a baby-inclusive dinner she organized recently at Seattle restaurant Crush. Chou had asked Crush chef and owner Jason Wilson to offer a family night on a Sunday evening to which parents could bring their babies.

What prompted this gathering was my desire to eat at an upscale restaurant with my family but without the self-consciousness I’ve discovered now accompanies any visit to a place where the chef is known by name and the food has a pedigree. Me? Self-conscious in a restaurant? I never thought that would happen. But add an infant to the picture —even a mild-mannered one —and all eyes are on you.

But don’t expect motherhood to cause this food writer to give up her fine dining days. Nor is she inclined to leave her child out of the action, stating that she wants her daughter to get used to eating out and to develop a sophisticated palate.

The Crush baby dinner was so successful that it may become a regular event. Either way, Chou doesn’t plan to be relegated to dinner at home, fond memories of tasting menus fading fast—but she promises her future fellow restaurant-goers that she’ll whisk her babe out onto the sidewalk should the infant become distraught.

Perhaps there is hope for fine-dining parents after all. With a little planning you can have your child and eat out too.

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POST A COMMENT |14 Comments

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  • Hi, I am a regular CHOW reader and also a writer at a newspaper based in Toronto. I have been planning to write a piece on the topic of what is a foodie to do when the baby comes along and am wondering if I could speak to any of the people who posted comments here for my story. My email address is sgrice@nationalpost.com.
    Many thanks

  • i love this idea! mostly i prefer to do my finer dining sans my two lovely kidlets, but that's because eating out is a rarity for us anymore. because of the kids and because of budget constraints.
    so now i equate fine dining with getting away from it all. it's just a personal choice that i like to eat out without thinking about the needs of others when i finally get out. i also love and miss good...+READ

    i love this idea! mostly i prefer to do my finer dining sans my two lovely kidlets, but that's because eating out is a rarity for us anymore. because of the kids and because of budget constraints.
    so now i equate fine dining with getting away from it all. it's just a personal choice that i like to eat out without thinking about the needs of others when i finally get out. i also love and miss good conversation. i'm also lucky enough to have family around who can take our kids on occasion. not something everyone has.

    i do love the idea that there could actually be an option for parents who can't get sitters or want to dine/share with their kids now and again, or, hell, whenever they want to. to each his/her own. i'm all for it!

    http://blog.allmenus.com/-COLLAPSE

  • I don't think it's fair to the kids, personally. Yes, I'm all for children eating something other than chicken fingers and fries and buttered pasta and I have seen very well-behaved children in upscale restaurants, but at the same time it's not fair to expect a toddler not to lose it during a lengthy multi-course dinner or a baby not to get fussy. Eating at a fine dining establishment should be a...+READ

    I don't think it's fair to the kids, personally. Yes, I'm all for children eating something other than chicken fingers and fries and buttered pasta and I have seen very well-behaved children in upscale restaurants, but at the same time it's not fair to expect a toddler not to lose it during a lengthy multi-course dinner or a baby not to get fussy. Eating at a fine dining establishment should be a privilege for a child, not a "well, Mommy and Daddy are sick of Chuck E. Cheese and we don't feel like getting a sitter" situation--a sign of growing up.-COLLAPSE

  • Great idea to have a baby night!

    Here's one of my experiences. We arranged care for our 12 month old and went out to a fine restaurant, only to see a babe in arms at another table, apparently of similar age. All the way across the room, the kid did not disturb us. However, in terms of focus we had a rare night out with our own conversation and no baby care, which is occasion enough! Chances...+READ

    Great idea to have a baby night!

    Here's one of my experiences. We arranged care for our 12 month old and went out to a fine restaurant, only to see a babe in arms at another table, apparently of similar age. All the way across the room, the kid did not disturb us. However, in terms of focus we had a rare night out with our own conversation and no baby care, which is occasion enough! Chances are the presence of kids will affect the parents more than other diners; something to take note of. At the restaurant, they take care of YOU.-COLLAPSE

  • With all due respect, I think this has kind of turned into a Baby Bashing. The original post described a kid friendly night at an upscale restaurant. I think that's a great idea! I would love to be able to take our 19 month old daugther to an upscale restaurant when other children are going to be there and she will be welcomed. I am not, and I want repeat NOT the type of parent who takes her...+READ

    With all due respect, I think this has kind of turned into a Baby Bashing. The original post described a kid friendly night at an upscale restaurant. I think that's a great idea! I would love to be able to take our 19 month old daugther to an upscale restaurant when other children are going to be there and she will be welcomed. I am not, and I want repeat NOT the type of parent who takes her child to this type of restaurant on a regular basis because aside from other diners, its not fair to my child. She's not a miniature adult, she's a child with a short attention span.

    My husband and I would love to go out more often, but to be honest it's a huge hassle to get a sitter. So, mostly we go to Sushi and that does get old, but our child is welcomed there, so we like it.-COLLAPSE

  • Having once owned a restaurant I"ve noticed much in the way of both good and bad behaviour in children .. It did seem that once children were old enough to understand rules (say 4-5ish) that there were few times there were outbursts, that said I saw that the parents who ate out at nicer (though not white table cloth) more frequently with there kids had much better behaved children than those who...+READ

    Having once owned a restaurant I"ve noticed much in the way of both good and bad behaviour in children .. It did seem that once children were old enough to understand rules (say 4-5ish) that there were few times there were outbursts, that said I saw that the parents who ate out at nicer (though not white table cloth) more frequently with there kids had much better behaved children than those who ate at places where kids rule and adults without children are loathe to go.. I think it's tough for kids to know that in some restaurants they can't run & play when other restaurants almost condone it. Perhaps parents must choose between them ..-COLLAPSE

  • Parents need to be willing to sacrifice their own dining pleasure to ensure that their child is well/appropriately behaved in restaurants. If you aren't willing to do that - don't take your child out, leave them at home.

    In our experience, it took five years of consistent and thoughtful restaurant/child management to end up with a six year old who can (usually) sit calmly through a full meal...+READ

    Parents need to be willing to sacrifice their own dining pleasure to ensure that their child is well/appropriately behaved in restaurants. If you aren't willing to do that - don't take your child out, leave them at home.

    In our experience, it took five years of consistent and thoughtful restaurant/child management to end up with a six year old who can (usually) sit calmly through a full meal (apps, entrees, dessert) at a semi-formal restaurant lunch, order her own food politely, and talk interestedly about it.

    Over the course of those five years we spent a lot of time not going out to eat anyplace more formal then a diner, walking out in the middle of meals because the kiddo started acting up, and actively teaching "restaurant manners" and expecting them to be used lest dessert be forfeit.

    Eating out with children can be a pleasure -- if the parents put in the effort to make sure that children know how to behave appropriately and will do so. This means - sometimes - that I, as the parent, do have to give up or lose what I want (a nice meal out) to the need to remove my poorly behaving child from a restaurant.

    Frankly, I think too many people have far too great a sense of entitlement to walk out when they should. They are doing their kids no favours in the long run.-COLLAPSE

  • As a non-parent, I've tried to be patient with those who feel it necessary to bring their little darlings everywhere. I also acknowledge that the only way to teach children restaurant manners is to take them there. But along the way the other diners have been forgotten. Indeed, as baconjen suggests, if you can afford to eat out, you can afford a babysitter. Please.

    And restaurant managers --...+READ

    As a non-parent, I've tried to be patient with those who feel it necessary to bring their little darlings everywhere. I also acknowledge that the only way to teach children restaurant manners is to take them there. But along the way the other diners have been forgotten. Indeed, as baconjen suggests, if you can afford to eat out, you can afford a babysitter. Please.

    And restaurant managers -- where are YOU when your customer's offspring are crawling under MY table, and distributing their "youthful enthusiasm" up and down the aisles? When you remind your customers to curb their cubs, and they are offended and vow not to return, the rest of us are overwhelmingly grateful and WILL return, knowing that your establishment is a little more annoyance free.-COLLAPSE

  • I agree w/ baconjen. As the mother of a now 7 year-old boy (who is somewhere between calm & edgy on the behavior scale), it became less enjoyable for us to eat out w/ him at even slightly upscale places. Hubby and I would spend dinners on the edge of seats waiting for non-resto behavior. (BTB - it's hard for most younger kids developmentally to be able to sustain good behavior at the slow pace...+READ

    I agree w/ baconjen. As the mother of a now 7 year-old boy (who is somewhere between calm & edgy on the behavior scale), it became less enjoyable for us to eat out w/ him at even slightly upscale places. Hubby and I would spend dinners on the edge of seats waiting for non-resto behavior. (BTB - it's hard for most younger kids developmentally to be able to sustain good behavior at the slow pace most finer restaurants work at. ) Meals out w/ kid in tow are now relegated to breakfast and casual lunch spots, which is perhaps as it should be.
    Friends w/ boys in particular tell us that things usually turn around at age 9 or so. Friends w/ girls have had a much easier go at the restaurant scene from an earlier age. (Yes, I know, I know - there are exceptions to every rule)-COLLAPSE

  • I think the reserved kids nights are a neat idea, and I also think it is possible to take your children to lots of great casual and ethnic restaurants. However, as a mother of a 2 and 5 year old, I don't see why people need to bring their kids to 'white table cloth' restaurants. For many of us, these restaurants are for special occasions and even the most well behaved children can have an...+READ

    I think the reserved kids nights are a neat idea, and I also think it is possible to take your children to lots of great casual and ethnic restaurants. However, as a mother of a 2 and 5 year old, I don't see why people need to bring their kids to 'white table cloth' restaurants. For many of us, these restaurants are for special occasions and even the most well behaved children can have an outburst. Yes, in that case, the well-intentioned parent can quickly carry them out of the establishment (which most do) but the mood is already ruined for the other diners. Personally, I reserve these experiences for when I get a babysitter and I kind of object when others don't do the same. If you can afford to eat in these types of restaraunts, you can afford a babysitter (and probably just go out a bit less). One time my husband and I were out at an expensive French restaurant and there was a baby in an infant seat next to us - he was pretty well behaved but occasionally whined for a bottle (I also might add that I was breastfeeding at the time so the baby noises were extra stressful). We asked to be moved and the waitstaff accommodated, but I was left with the feeling of 'why can't the parents get a babysitter like I did!' Sorry if this sounds rude, but I think there are still some pleasures in this world, such as fine restaurant tasting menus, that should be for adults only.-COLLAPSE

  • I've got a 3 year old and a 16 month old, and while we don't take them to "white table cloth" restaurants very often, they are usually well behaved when we do. Be prepared to bring a few items along that you know will keep them quiet till the food comes. At other times, we take them both to all sorts of ethnic restaurants so they're used to dining out. They get to try new things, and see new...+READ

    I've got a 3 year old and a 16 month old, and while we don't take them to "white table cloth" restaurants very often, they are usually well behaved when we do. Be prepared to bring a few items along that you know will keep them quiet till the food comes. At other times, we take them both to all sorts of ethnic restaurants so they're used to dining out. They get to try new things, and see new places, and we don't have to eat burgers and chicken nuggets.
    Last year, my husband took one of our kids to Wolfgang Puck's 20.21 in Minneapolis. When he asked if they had a high-chair for Ty, the hostess looked at him as if he were from another planet. I think my kid must have been one of the first to dine there. Afterwards, Puck himself came out and gave Ty's head a tousle.-COLLAPSE

  • There's a winebar in our 'hood that hosts a weekly parents' night. So far, so good. Unfortunately, this generous act has endeared them to the stroller set to such a degree that -- even on other nights of the week -- it's impossible to enjoy a nice glass of wine and/or a light meal there. The owners are parents themselves, and seem to have developed that special deafness that allows them to tune...+READ

    There's a winebar in our 'hood that hosts a weekly parents' night. So far, so good. Unfortunately, this generous act has endeared them to the stroller set to such a degree that -- even on other nights of the week -- it's impossible to enjoy a nice glass of wine and/or a light meal there. The owners are parents themselves, and seem to have developed that special deafness that allows them to tune out the little screechers.

    I love it when I am at a casual place and there's one or two well-behaved kids enjoying the food. (After all, we have friends who have little ones with polite manners and excellent palates, and they didn't get that way by sitting at home munching chicken fingers in front of the tube.) But when a place -- no matter how casual -- gets turned into a romper room full of screeching ankle-biters, I have to say "this is not OK".-COLLAPSE

  • Sounds like the matinees that alot of independent movie theatres are offering now for parents and their children. I think its a great idea, sensitive to both the needs of the parents and the wants of the diners around them.

  • Interesting. This topic is generally taboo on the Chowhound boards because of the amount of controversy it generates. I'm in the same position as the author: first-time parent with a new baby trying to figure out the lifestyle adjustments. Crush's program sounds like a great way to generate business on an off night. Let's hope it catches on.