Real Aphrodisiacs for Valentine's
Making Chocolate from Wild Cacao
How to Make a Marshmallow Pop
Valentine Gifts for the Five Senses
McBites = Modern McNuggets?
Sausage Recipes of the Month
Does catering to a child’s food issues create a finicky eater? Will cutting the crusts off sandwiches lead to weight issues and an unadventurous palate? Some think so.
A recent post titled “Kid Foods Breed Fat, Picky Children,” on the anonymous blog Violent Acres, has sparked a discussion over whether or not to cater to a finicky child’s palate.
The author falls into the tough-love camp—kids should learn to eat normal food (and by this she means brussels sprouts) or go hungry. It is how she was raised.
My mother never served me a plate of plain white rice … while the rest of the family ate meatloaf. I ate the meatloaf and I complimented the chef afterwards or I felt the pain of starvation … my parents never gave in when I cried, pursed my lips, or tasted a little only to fake gag and hysterically insist that cottage cheese would make me vomit. Instead, they would calmly inform me that I was not permitted to leave the table until my meal was finished. Period.
She rails against “kid foods,” such as sugar cereals with toys in the package and SpaghettiO’s. “There is no reason that children can’t eat the same thing as adults and feeding your child the processed garbage designed especially to appeal to him only reinforces the idea that anything not covered in sprinkles will kill him.”
And there’s no love lost on the sort of parents who run around catering to junior’s finicky palate.
Mothers that cut pancakes into hearts for their little dears and never serve them a piece of chicken that isn’t dinosaur shaped. These are the Mothers that frantically thumb through kid magazines looking for ‘fun’ ways to prepare healthy foods and desperately refer to broccoli as ‘little trees.’ When none of that crap works, these are the Mothers that insist that their child is more stubborn and intense than the average child in a sad attempt to justify letting the little bastard live on Pop-Tarts and twizzlers.
But perhaps the very best line of the entire post—the very best line I’ve read in a while—is this one:
Parents that lack the ability to convince a kid to voluntarily eat a plate of green beans aren’t cut out for parenthood. If you can’t outsmart a 3-year-old, then what the fuck are you doing raising one?
I’m not sure I agree with her completely. I was required to eat some things as a child that I then swore off for years (it’s taken me two decades to come back ‘round to chard and kale). But dang, she makes some good and entertaining points.
This also seems a little extreme to me. I was raised with battles over food - going to bed hungry with the same food for breakfast. I didn't want these battles for control, AND I didn't want to cater to kids. I also read "Child of Mine" by Ellen Satter (sp?) and found her philosophy of moderation appealing. My approach was that my kids had to try food they didn't like - no good refusing to eat if...+READ
This also seems a little extreme to me. I was raised with battles over food - going to bed hungry with the same food for breakfast. I didn't want these battles for control, AND I didn't want to cater to kids. I also read "Child of Mine" by Ellen Satter (sp?) and found her philosophy of moderation appealing. My approach was that my kids had to try food they didn't like - no good refusing to eat if they didn't try it. If they really didn't like it they had to eat some other real food - not junky snacks. When they were very little I would make them a peanut butter or turkey sandwich. When they were older they had to make their own sandwich or rice bowl. It WAS frustrating how 2 year olds who ate everything became picky 3 and 4 year olds. They did eat rice, bread and chicken, so you can almost always find some version of those things at ethnic restaurants. As they got older they became more adventurous again (my husband and I are adventurous eaters). I think avoiding battles over food combined with exposure to many kinds of food will eventually expand their palate as they mature. My 21 year old called me last week for advice on making a salad for a pot luck. He was going to use mixed greens with arugula, shredded prosciutto and pine-nuts. I advised him to add tomatoes and cantelope and make a sun-dried tomato vinaigrette. He said it turned out well.-COLLAPSE
Pointybird -
Great idea - throw in a ringer and see if they'll take a bite. Perhaps the new food seems less daunting if presented along side some old familiar favorites. I'll have to give that a try....
And I agree: raising children seems soooo much simpler without the little buggers actually running through the house! I had all kinds of Big Ideas about childrearing - most of which proved to be...+READ
Pointybird -
Great idea - throw in a ringer and see if they'll take a bite. Perhaps the new food seems less daunting if presented along side some old familiar favorites. I'll have to give that a try....
And I agree: raising children seems soooo much simpler without the little buggers actually running through the house! I had all kinds of Big Ideas about childrearing - most of which proved to be rather impractical once I actually had children :-) My motto instead has become "Improvise and Overcome" (along with "Don't Rub the Glue Stick On the Cat.")-COLLAPSE
It's hilarious to listen to non-parents talk about what kids should and shouldn't do. If you think making a kid do ANYTHING is easy, you are sadly mistaken, and if you think you can force a person to eat without a titanic amount of effort, also mistaken. Unless you've had a kid, you don't know what you're talking about when you express your opinions about what kids and parents "should" do. But...+READ
It's hilarious to listen to non-parents talk about what kids should and shouldn't do. If you think making a kid do ANYTHING is easy, you are sadly mistaken, and if you think you can force a person to eat without a titanic amount of effort, also mistaken. Unless you've had a kid, you don't know what you're talking about when you express your opinions about what kids and parents "should" do. But it's OK; most people have crazy ideas about parenting that are swiftly worn away when they actually have kids.
What works best at our house is having these odd meals, made up of new foods and those that I know my kid likes. Like, we'll have collard greens, peaches, yogurt and fish. Weird items together, yeah, but I know my kid will eat the peaches and yogurt and hey, might try the collards, eventually.-COLLAPSE
My parents had a tough time getting me to eat vegetables, but somehow we worked it out. If I didn't like what was on the table, I was free to fix my own meal, get some cereal, or eat a spoonful of peanut butter for some nutrition. I would eat when I was hungry, Mom and Dad figured, and they were right. It was usually "good" food, though maybe a pot of mac and cheese (enhanced with tuna, peas, and...+READ
My parents had a tough time getting me to eat vegetables, but somehow we worked it out. If I didn't like what was on the table, I was free to fix my own meal, get some cereal, or eat a spoonful of peanut butter for some nutrition. I would eat when I was hungry, Mom and Dad figured, and they were right. It was usually "good" food, though maybe a pot of mac and cheese (enhanced with tuna, peas, and real cheese) instead of tuna salad. I was and still am picky, not everyone's ideal child, but I've also come a long way. Nobody would call me hard to feed or my diet junky...-COLLAPSE
Growing up witnessing dinnertime battles, I vowed as a parent not to do the same. But to miss out on the joy of food discovey was not an option either. So here is the plan we enforce with our 7 & 9 y.o. boys: This is What We Have for Dinner. Don't like it? Go hungry until the next meal. No snacks, no food fixed especially for them. But with one caveat - if a food is new (or semi new), one "no...+READ
Growing up witnessing dinnertime battles, I vowed as a parent not to do the same. But to miss out on the joy of food discovey was not an option either. So here is the plan we enforce with our 7 & 9 y.o. boys: This is What We Have for Dinner. Don't like it? Go hungry until the next meal. No snacks, no food fixed especially for them. But with one caveat - if a food is new (or semi new), one "no thank you" bite is required before refusing. No gagging, no gross faces - one bite and if they don't like it they simply say "no thank you" and that's it. Suprisingly, most of the time the "no thank you" bite turns into "YUM!" (a sneer turned into a gobble of gingerbread cake last week due to a "no thank you" bite.)
Another rule is ordering at specialty restaurants; they order something of that genre - that is, no hamburger and fries at the Chinese restaurant. They might only eat one small thing, but we don't pay for a great Indian meal so you little twerps can have chicken nuggets!
The key in all of it is 1. consistency of the rules and 2. speaking calmly and firmly when enforcing them. Which is actually the two biggest challenges of parenting - sticking to the rules when chaos reigns and not resorting to screaming when you're frustrated :-)
They have their issues (7y.o. doesn't like food touching...) but they also adore Indian and Thai foods - so we'll see in 20 years how the plan worked....
Anybody else out there with tricks of the trade, any strategies that worked with your kids? Let us know!-COLLAPSE
VA has no idea. I STILL hate onions. They were forced on me and my sister, and she still hates them.
There's a great book by a nutritionist called, "Child of Mine." I think it's by Ellen Satter. Making a child eat things she doesn't want sets up a power struggle you just won't win (even if you seem to, it will have repercussions later and meal time will always be stressful). Giving a child...+READ
VA has no idea. I STILL hate onions. They were forced on me and my sister, and she still hates them.
There's a great book by a nutritionist called, "Child of Mine." I think it's by Ellen Satter. Making a child eat things she doesn't want sets up a power struggle you just won't win (even if you seem to, it will have repercussions later and meal time will always be stressful). Giving a child whatever she wants is a power struggle you have already lost.-COLLAPSE
Whoops- I meant I agree with Xine!
I agree with assorted….there is a happy medium here, you can’t force kids to sit at a table and eat what they don’t want to without having that affect them later in life. I know people who “need” to clean their plate, even though there is enough food there for 5 people, because that was forced into them as a child. And my sister still, 30 years later, talks about the time my dad made her sit at...+READ
I agree with assorted….there is a happy medium here, you can’t force kids to sit at a table and eat what they don’t want to without having that affect them later in life. I know people who “need” to clean their plate, even though there is enough food there for 5 people, because that was forced into them as a child. And my sister still, 30 years later, talks about the time my dad made her sit at the table until she finished her peas, and she still won’t touch peas to this day. On the other side of the coin, once I heard a woman in a deli telling the worker that her daughter, Molly, only eats round rolls and it can’t be a long roll or square bread. The deli worker had to hold up the roll to Molly, who was about 8, to see if she approved of the roundness of the roll. Unfortunately, she didn’t like the sesame seeds on the roll, so the worker had to scrape them off. (Seriously) Molly had many other caveats about the cheese on the round roll, but I left before I heard it all. Can’t wait to see what Molly is like at 16. Anyway, I think children benefit from being served the same food as their parents, but if they don’t like it - they don’t eat it and are excused from the table. If they prefer carrots to broccoli, then serve them carrots. Why make a big deal about it? The more you try and force someone into doing something, children or adults, the more resistance you will get. Just keep making healthy/varied meals that you like, and they will learn what they like and what they don’t. Once you start catering to their every whim though, giving them “special” meals and round rolls, or trying to force them to do what you want, that is when the problems start.-COLLAPSE
The options are not limited to "cater to whatever the kids want" and "don't let them leave the table until they've eaten every bit of what you served them." Making a variety of healthy foods available, since most meals do consist of more than one item, and having kids try everything, but letting them eat more of one thing and less or none of another makes sense to me. There's a big difference...+READ
The options are not limited to "cater to whatever the kids want" and "don't let them leave the table until they've eaten every bit of what you served them." Making a variety of healthy foods available, since most meals do consist of more than one item, and having kids try everything, but letting them eat more of one thing and less or none of another makes sense to me. There's a big difference between letting kids have some choice among reasonably healthy foods and letting kids eat only junk if that's what they want.
In fact, some times kids refuse certain foods because their bodies know what's good for them. As a child I "didn't like" tree nuts. This mostly came up in deserts, but I would pick the walnuts out of brownies or decline cookies altogether. My dad teased me about it, but my parents never forced me (it was desert items after all). Then when I was ten, after Thanksgiving when the adults were cracking and eating a variety of whole nuts, I said I wanted to try one, and ate a relatively small piece of a brazil nut. (I was raised to try everything and I didn't assume that just because I didn't like walnuts, I wouldn't like brazil nuts) I had a severe allergic reaction, which resolved after a massive dose of anti-hystimines, and my doctor concluded I was allergic to tree nuts. Since then I've been exposed accidentally to hazelnuts (very bad allergic reaction) and to walnuts (not so bad, but unpleasant burning sensation in my mouth and throat as if hives are about to break out). So as it happens, I wasn't being "picky" in refusing to eat walnuts as a child, I was experiencing a mild allergic reaction that I wasn't able to articulate clearly, but which, if more exposure had been forced on me, could have resulted in serious injury.
After this, my parents stopped making me try different types of fish, which has always, and still does, make me vomit. And I continued to eat some vegetables and other things that I didn't particularly like, but which did not make me sick. I don't know if I have an actual medical reason for this reaction to seafood -- though I know of three other people with similar reactions who have been advised by their doctors not to eat seafood, and two of them are also allergic to nuts, so I don't think it's out of the question. But I've learned to listen to my body. There's still a lot of things for me to eat in this world after excluding nuts and seafood, and I enjoy trying lots of them.-COLLAPSE
Violent Acres' sample size is four and is not controlled for other factors (i.e. the two picky eaters came from one family and the two adventurous eaters came from another, leading to all sorts of confounding factors). In other words, she's just ranting about something and using her own life experiences to prove her point.
I do agree that so-called children's food is awful stuff, but not...+READ
Violent Acres' sample size is four and is not controlled for other factors (i.e. the two picky eaters came from one family and the two adventurous eaters came from another, leading to all sorts of confounding factors). In other words, she's just ranting about something and using her own life experiences to prove her point.
I do agree that so-called children's food is awful stuff, but not because it's shaped like dinosaurs or hearts. Who cares what shape you cut your sandwich in as long as the ingredients inside are good and healthy?
NY Times did an article a few months back, These Kids Never Say 'Yech!', which discussed the picky versus adventurous eater in a bit more depth. I believe it mentioned (though can't verify, since I won't pay for their archived articles) that nutrition researchers found that new foods need to be re-introduced anywhere from 7-10 times before children will really take to them - and parents (perhaps understandably) get worn out around the 3rd or 4th attempt to introduce a new food.
Parenting is huge, and there are often more factors involved than some blithe bloggers may care to acknowledge in their rants. And just as children rarely die from missing one meal, neither do adults die from a less than adventurous palate.-COLLAPSE
While growing up, my parents never forced me to eat anything, but that didn't mean I got free reign to have whatever I wanted. If I didn't like the cauliflower, there would be carrots or spinach at the next meal. Somewhere in that myriad of food, there were things I liked.
Somehow, I managed to survive just fine without a steady diet of Lunchables and Beefaroni and Pop Tarts and Kool-Aid.
If...+READ
While growing up, my parents never forced me to eat anything, but that didn't mean I got free reign to have whatever I wanted. If I didn't like the cauliflower, there would be carrots or spinach at the next meal. Somewhere in that myriad of food, there were things I liked.
Somehow, I managed to survive just fine without a steady diet of Lunchables and Beefaroni and Pop Tarts and Kool-Aid.
If Johnny or Susie doesn't like what's on the table, too bad. No child ever died because they skipped a meal.-COLLAPSE
If he doesn't have to eat what he doesn't like, junior may be missing a lesson in dealing with adversity. After all, he'll still have to learn school subjects that he finds uninteresting, do tasks that he objects to and put up with people he considers irritating.
Also, many cultures feel it's rude not to eat their food. It's not exactly ideal if you have to stick to McDonald's when not eating at...+READ
If he doesn't have to eat what he doesn't like, junior may be missing a lesson in dealing with adversity. After all, he'll still have to learn school subjects that he finds uninteresting, do tasks that he objects to and put up with people he considers irritating.
Also, many cultures feel it's rude not to eat their food. It's not exactly ideal if you have to stick to McDonald's when not eating at home, and you may be setting your child up for embarrassment if he can't enjoy the home-cooked meal at his classmate's house.
I wonder what kind of message is being sent to kids that don't have to eat what they don't like. It seems that catering to junior's finicky palate is the first step down a slippery slope.-COLLAPSE
Whenever I go to an indian restaurant and I see an infant going to town on the dal. It makes me so happy. I just say that is how little kids should be - they eat what their parents eat.
I'm pretty sure this could go either way: I was more of a greedy than picky eater, but the range of dishes my working mom cooked wasn't vastly experimental, and I also ate a lot of crap. My dad fixed me lunches of scrambled eggs with sliced weenies. I still love that. And my school lunches often consisted of white bread and jelly (no peanut butter) sandwiches, or maybe that ham loaf with the...+READ
I'm pretty sure this could go either way: I was more of a greedy than picky eater, but the range of dishes my working mom cooked wasn't vastly experimental, and I also ate a lot of crap. My dad fixed me lunches of scrambled eggs with sliced weenies. I still love that. And my school lunches often consisted of white bread and jelly (no peanut butter) sandwiches, or maybe that ham loaf with the little flecks of cheese (still love it). My parents did draw the line with candy, though, and we ate green beans and salad all the time.
Once I could make my own food, it was ramen, Totino's or mac and cheese.
Point being, I had the standard kid junk foods, and I am not in the least a picky eater now: vegs, offal, foreign, whatever, I'll cook and/or eat everything.
And I bet we all know people who had stricter (or nobler, depending how you see it) parents that made them clean their plates, etc., and now they eat Subway, Taco Bell, or Bud Light for dinner most nights.
I think the main thing to avoid is psychologically loading food for kids or assuming they won't like whatever the grown-ups are eating: the blog had a good point about not saying "x food is too y for the kid to like." My parents had no reservations about taking us to eat frog legs or giving us spicy or weird foods (menudo?). And dinner was always regular food: no Totinos, no chicken nuggets: everyone ate the same food.
On the other hand, I'm fairly sure there is some scientific data out there about kid's taste buds. Infants can detect much more subtle differences in taste than adults can (consider our years of salt intake), so I assume children are also more sensitive to spicy or bitter foods.
You shouldn't pander to kids, but you shouldn't torture them with food either.-COLLAPSE
I like her spirit - my nephew is 6 and a half and has to go to a special school to help him with his speach (mind you he is really smart) because my sister in law gave in to his wims about only eating baby food - he would not eat solids. So of course this affected his muscles in his throat and mouth and now still eats semi pureed food. So she might have a point. My other friends daughter will...+READ
I like her spirit - my nephew is 6 and a half and has to go to a special school to help him with his speach (mind you he is really smart) because my sister in law gave in to his wims about only eating baby food - he would not eat solids. So of course this affected his muscles in his throat and mouth and now still eats semi pureed food. So she might have a point. My other friends daughter will only eat sweets and fruit - her mother says she wont eat anything green. The real reason she wont eat anything green is because her parents only eat beige food. Kids as I see it have nothing to whine about these days. My mother use to make us eat tripe, cow brain creamed with creamed corn, cow tongue and seaweed (not the nice japanese kind) the kind as thick as a horsetail and had the consistency of water logged cardboard. THis is the reason I do not eat meat today. I of course love vegatables.-COLLAPSE
If the last quoted paragraph is "the very best line [you've] read in a while," then I'd hate to see what else you read. While the essence of the post makes sense, the anonymous blogger's snarky tone and needlessly foul language make this rather unpleasant reading. I'd rather put up with a finicky child than an adult with the temperament of the anonymous blogger quoted here.
I'm pretty sure that despite my inability to convince my daughter to eat green beans, I'm an ok mom. And I've heard plenty of people who have been traumatized by being forced to eat things. Yes, I admit it, she's a picky eater. But I can't spend my entire life lashing her to the table, I'm afraid. Either she'll learn eventually, or she'll move out. There's a lot of other aspects that go into...+READ
I'm pretty sure that despite my inability to convince my daughter to eat green beans, I'm an ok mom. And I've heard plenty of people who have been traumatized by being forced to eat things. Yes, I admit it, she's a picky eater. But I can't spend my entire life lashing her to the table, I'm afraid. Either she'll learn eventually, or she'll move out. There's a lot of other aspects that go into parenting besides getting kids to eat what they don't like, and unless you've had one of these extremely stubborn kids, you have absolutely no idea what it's like. And she doesn't live on Pop Tarts and Twizzlers either. More like bagels, cheese and brown rice.-COLLAPSE