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Raising a picky eater can drive a parent crazy, and when that parent happens to be obsessed with food, it can be maddening. Sadly, that's a feeling many moms and dads know all too well. Because for complex reasons, food freaks are actually more likely than other parents to raise picky little eaters. Here's why:
Sensitivity cuts both ways.
One thing many parents say about their picky kids is that they're extraordinarily attuned to even minute differences in flavor. One brand of white rice is acceptable while another is not; an unfamiliar brand of milk tastes funny. The kid may not technically be a supertaster, but still she's highly sensitive to flavors, temperatures, and textures. She's very interested in food, even if that means refusing to eat what she doesn't like.
Then, years after doing battle with Mom over lima beans, she morphs into an adult who's unusually keen about food. "There's a thin line between love and hate," says Stephanie Lucianovic, whose book Suffering Succotash: A Picky Eater's Quest to Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate is due in July. Lucianovic (a former CHOW contributor) points out how many formerly picky eaters learn to cook, since they want to know exactly what's in their food.
So if a lot of foodies were picky eaters as kids, and since research has shown that pickiness, or food "neophobia," is "highly heritable," it stands to reason that food-obsessed adults are more likely than others to give birth to picky kids.
Parents push kids too far.
Let's call this the nurture-versus-nature theory: Food-loving parents are more anxious for their kids to eat a broad range of foods, and thus cause power struggles.
Matthew Amster-Burton, a food writer and author of Hungry Monkey: A Food-Loving Father’s Quest to Raise an Adventurous Eater, saw this play out. His young daughter, Iris, began summarily announcing she didn't eat entire categories of food, like soup, or anything with black pepper specks.
"The whole reason I got into food writing is that I like food, and when I eat something, I want to share it with other people," he says. "When you've made food that you love and you want to share it with your family but one member spits it out and says, 'That sucks,' it's hard not to have an emotional reaction."
There is some evidence that pushing a kid to eat is counterproductive in the long run. For example, people who were forced to eat certain foods as kids are less likely to want that food as adults.
Foodie parents have skewed ideas about what "picky" means.
What did your mom serve for dinner? Was it pad Thai, miso soup, chicken tikka masala, and a range of other adventurous and ever-changing dishes from various world cuisines? Or was it a small subset of foods, much like what her mother and grandmother served?
Pickiness is not new. What is new is that parents today expect kids to eat a whole lot of crazy stuff earlier generations didn't have to, and then call them picky when they don't.
Lucianovic illustrates this point by reading off a list of baby foods that Gerber offered in the 1970s: apples and pears, tapioca, chicken and rice. Now it offers pasta primavera and "herbed chicken" baby food. Other companies, like Ella's Kitchen, offer flavors like Four Bean Feast, which includes several beans and vegetables, plus pepper, onions, and basil.
And that's just for babies. As soon as they become toddlers, kids are expected to eat some pretty far-out adult stuff: foie gras? Sardines on toast? To label a kid picky just because he's freaked out by greasy, stinky foods seems a little much, especially from parents who faced nothing freakier as kids than a streak of ketchup down the middle of Mom's meatloaf.
Image source: Photograph of drawing by Flickr member bethany actually under Creative Commons
It always seemed to me that kids tend to prefer what they're accustomed to. My parents were going through a health obsessed phase when I was little, so I didn't really grow up with pizza, hamburgers, fries, or chips. I still don't like them. I did however, pester my mom to buy more cottage cheese with pineapple, yogurt, and oatmeal. I also looked forward to the treat of chopped liver on crackers...+READ
It always seemed to me that kids tend to prefer what they're accustomed to. My parents were going through a health obsessed phase when I was little, so I didn't really grow up with pizza, hamburgers, fries, or chips. I still don't like them. I did however, pester my mom to buy more cottage cheese with pineapple, yogurt, and oatmeal. I also looked forward to the treat of chopped liver on crackers for certain holidays. I don't think I knew what liver was when I decided it tasted like heaven. I thought gefilte fish (boiled from frozen, not the sort from the jar) and lox were major treats. I also grew up knowing that Chinese food and Middle eastern food were delicious treats. My friends tease me for being un-American in my food choices.
The end result of this was that my friend's parents thought I was the worst picky eater they'd ever met, while my parents didn't have much trouble. I drove my friend's parents mad by refusing creamed corn, cheesy potatoes, and burgers, but my own parents would give me whatever we usually had without trouble.-COLLAPSE
I'm blessed with kids who gladly ate sushi as toddlers and now as teens we can go to any adventurous restaurants we want with them. But if you have picky kids, don't try to force foods on them. Just please, for the rest of us, teach them how to graciously decline things they do not want to eat and please teach them not to react like clods when restaurant food turns out to be unpalatable for them....+READ
I'm blessed with kids who gladly ate sushi as toddlers and now as teens we can go to any adventurous restaurants we want with them. But if you have picky kids, don't try to force foods on them. Just please, for the rest of us, teach them how to graciously decline things they do not want to eat and please teach them not to react like clods when restaurant food turns out to be unpalatable for them. As an adult, I have eaten out with other adults who make faces and take their food/sandwiches apart when it does not suit their picky adult sensibilities. This is very tedious for those of us who are not picky. We do not want to watch picky adults carry on like babies. Please raise them with coping strategies so they do not ruin lunch out for their coworkers!-COLLAPSE
@SAS
A)Liver and oily fish are extremely nutritious.
B)Where is the salt coming from? Not that salt is actually bad for 99% of the population with functioning kidneys, at the level you'd use it at home.
C)Kids will eat what's given to them, do you think children in India or China are turning down their noses at curries or organ meats?
If you are feeding sardines and foie gras to a toddler than you are an insane person. For one thing, kids have simple palates so they don't like stuff like that.
Most importantly, kids don't need all the salt, fat and cholesterol. It's one thing to cajole them to eat thier veggies, they don't need to eat organ meat or salt-cured fish for it's nutritional value.
If you're feeding your kids...+READ
If you are feeding sardines and foie gras to a toddler than you are an insane person. For one thing, kids have simple palates so they don't like stuff like that.
Most importantly, kids don't need all the salt, fat and cholesterol. It's one thing to cajole them to eat thier veggies, they don't need to eat organ meat or salt-cured fish for it's nutritional value.
If you're feeding your kids stuff like that it's from a place of selfishness . .ie . .you want them to be like you or share the experience with you. It's not good for them and they probably won't enjoy it. You should make them (oven baked, homemade) chicken fingers, instead.-COLLAPSE
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Picky eaters have pickier kids. Pickiness is learned behaviour.
Parents need to take control of their children from the govt and mass media bullshit. I am so sick of seeing parents led around by their snot-nosed children's whims. Put your fricking foot down for fricks sake and tell the little brat to shut up and eat what they are served or they can go hungry!!!!
I have a two year old who happily eats chicken liver pate and a wide range of things that might seem exotic. I hope she continues to be adventurous, but that may change. I do think a low-key approach helps; creating battles over food is only going to create resistance.
My now 5 year old son eats foie gras. He loves duck as well...particularly confit. He loves going to the local cheese shop (we're in Quebec, so we get raw milk cheeses here :) ) and ends up trying all sorts of samples, freaking out the sample lady at the same time as she's not used to kids tasting these things.
We don't force him to eat anything, and I always tell him exactly what we're eating...+READ
My now 5 year old son eats foie gras. He loves duck as well...particularly confit. He loves going to the local cheese shop (we're in Quebec, so we get raw milk cheeses here :) ) and ends up trying all sorts of samples, freaking out the sample lady at the same time as she's not used to kids tasting these things.
We don't force him to eat anything, and I always tell him exactly what we're eating as well. What he might have realized about our system is that if he tells us he doesn't like something, we can trust him in that and we won't force him to eat it.-COLLAPSE
What is this article even talking about? Who's going around trying to get toddlers to eat foie gras or sardines on toast?
SAStinky-
I couldn't agree more. It's amazing what becomes tasty to kids once they figure out that their options are only two: eat, or wait till tomorrow.
I've heard so many forms of the "She'll only eat (insert usually non nutritious food here)! I'm afraid she'd starve if I didn't give her what she wants." from exasperated parents. Really? Can we find a documented instance of an American kid...+READ
SAStinky-
I couldn't agree more. It's amazing what becomes tasty to kids once they figure out that their options are only two: eat, or wait till tomorrow.
I've heard so many forms of the "She'll only eat (insert usually non nutritious food here)! I'm afraid she'd starve if I didn't give her what she wants." from exasperated parents. Really? Can we find a documented instance of an American kid whose parents served only wholesome food who ended up with health issues?
Be the parent. It's your responsibility to be the boss until your offspring learn the lesson you're trying to teach.-COLLAPSE
It's a DNA crap shoot. Family with 2 kids, same food. Boy ate great from young. Girl was a picky eater.
Fromageball, my husband thinks my moms bland cooking is why I was so picky.
I think they're just more used to hearing their parents nitpick about food, and have learned how. Children of foodies are probably better at praising their favorite foods, in great elegiacal detail.
I was a foodie kid and am now a foodie adult, DESPITE both of my parents being relatively picky eaters. As a kid, adults were often surprised by what I would eat.
I think part of it depends on whether or not the parent(s) can cook. I was not exactly picky as a child but I didn't like a lot of what my mom cooked. Not because my mom necessarily lacked ability - she just didn't really care about...+READ
I was a foodie kid and am now a foodie adult, DESPITE both of my parents being relatively picky eaters. As a kid, adults were often surprised by what I would eat.
I think part of it depends on whether or not the parent(s) can cook. I was not exactly picky as a child but I didn't like a lot of what my mom cooked. Not because my mom necessarily lacked ability - she just didn't really care about food and didn't give it a second thought. My dad was also picky(meat&potatoes) so there was not a lot of room for experimentation.
Things like lima beans...maybe the kid hates them the way the parent makes them and then as an adult starts experimenting and finds out he/she actually loves them. It has happened to me with so many things, and who is to say that I wouldn't have liked them as a kid if they had been prepared in a different way. As an adult I've realized that I can find a way to like pretty much everything.-COLLAPSE
My sister was the only picky eater in our family and she got away with it because my mother didn't want to deal with her. None of my own boys was picky, though. They ate everything I cooked -- still do. My youngest surprised us by eating mussels in white wine and garlic when he was five...smart kid.
I was so so picky as a kid. No flecks of anything or sauces on my food. I grew up and married a wonderful man who got me to eat. It wasn't easy but he taught me that unknown food wasn't scary. Now I eat almost everything. I have three kids who are great eaters. My mom was kind of hoping I'd have picky eaters to see what she went through. Luckily, my kids are into everything. We cook together and...+READ
I was so so picky as a kid. No flecks of anything or sauces on my food. I grew up and married a wonderful man who got me to eat. It wasn't easy but he taught me that unknown food wasn't scary. Now I eat almost everything. I have three kids who are great eaters. My mom was kind of hoping I'd have picky eaters to see what she went through. Luckily, my kids are into everything. We cook together and go to farmers markets and restaurants. I liked this article explaining how picky eaters grow up to be goodies. I want to raise my hand and say, that's me!!-COLLAPSE
My daughter is 3 and I would say only in the past 6 months -1yr have I considered her picky. However what this means is that she has actual preferences for what she wants, and often but not always does not try new things. If I have nothing in mind I may ask her what she wants for dinner. Tonight she said she wanted mushroom omelette with tomato sauce....as this wasn't in my repertoire and I was...+READ
My daughter is 3 and I would say only in the past 6 months -1yr have I considered her picky. However what this means is that she has actual preferences for what she wants, and often but not always does not try new things. If I have nothing in mind I may ask her what she wants for dinner. Tonight she said she wanted mushroom omelette with tomato sauce....as this wasn't in my repertoire and I was exhausted, we ordered in pad thai with a thai omelette on the side. Most ethnic foods that she's been eating since she before she was *picky* she still eats, pad thai is one of them.
I think it's important not to fight with your kids about eating something, and I guess our generation of parents doesn't do that anymore. However I also didn't buy more peanut butter and suddenly almond butter went from unacceptable to something she asks for. Kids can only eat what you have in the house and if you don't want to eat it or think it's good for them, don't buy it. (Nothing wrong with pb, just an example.)
My own uprbringing doesn't fit the study mentioned in this article. I have memories of being 3 at the kitchen table and not liking what my mother made, mostly because it had identifiable and/or crunchy onions, peppers, or mushrooms in it. I hated all of those things. Now we eat A LOT of onions and mushrooms and some peppers. I just make sure they're well cooked.-COLLAPSE
Picky eating kids is about parenting. Plain and simple. I am a Chef. My specialty is French Cuisine. I have 5 children, none of whom are picky eaters, simply because they've been exposed to a rich and diverse sampling of food.
Here's how it worked, from the time they could eat solid food, dinner is served. It is put in front of the children. If they didn't want to eat it, they went to bed...+READ
Picky eating kids is about parenting. Plain and simple. I am a Chef. My specialty is French Cuisine. I have 5 children, none of whom are picky eaters, simply because they've been exposed to a rich and diverse sampling of food.
Here's how it worked, from the time they could eat solid food, dinner is served. It is put in front of the children. If they didn't want to eat it, they went to bed hungry. It happens about a total of 3 times, and they learn to eat what's served. By the time they're about 5 or 6, this isnt an issue anymore.
None of my children were abused, or mistreated, or had to go into therapy. They're all well balanced, diverse, self-sufficient adults now. I never forced my kids to eat a single bite. I didnt even play that silly "You have to at least take one bite" game. Theres no need. Just serve your food. Trust me, they'll eat eventually. This isn't rocket science.-COLLAPSE
picky about what? You could say that either feeding them ONLY chicken nuggets or not allowing them to eat chicken nuggets at all are both being picky, on opposite sides of the spectrum.
I'm very much against "protecting" kids from the huge wonderful world of real food. My son used to not want to eat food or go to restaurants because of the way the name sounded. Took me a few years to figure...+READ
picky about what? You could say that either feeding them ONLY chicken nuggets or not allowing them to eat chicken nuggets at all are both being picky, on opposite sides of the spectrum.
I'm very much against "protecting" kids from the huge wonderful world of real food. My son used to not want to eat food or go to restaurants because of the way the name sounded. Took me a few years to figure that one out, I assure you. He got over it, partly be involving him in the process. Showing him that nice cored Granny Smiths stiuffed with raisins, brown sugar, and butter put in the oven for a bit gives you baked apples, a name he really didn't like, for some strange reason.-COLLAPSE
My son is a super-tester, he prefers milder-tasting food, and I think it is a good thing. However he like a homemade sauerkraut I almost always have in my fridge. He finally started to eat a beef tong - very plain in taste, but still can't stand liver, which I try to cook ones a week for my family. I grew up on a such staff, and liver and sardines taste just normal for me, but spicy Thai food is...+READ
My son is a super-tester, he prefers milder-tasting food, and I think it is a good thing. However he like a homemade sauerkraut I almost always have in my fridge. He finally started to eat a beef tong - very plain in taste, but still can't stand liver, which I try to cook ones a week for my family. I grew up on a such staff, and liver and sardines taste just normal for me, but spicy Thai food is too over-flavored for me, and no Indian food for me,please.
I also found out that American idea that children have to have snacks all the time induces fussiness in children. Give them normal food dense in nutrients (fat, protein), only water to drink between meals, and by next meal they probably notice less the difference between rice brands.-COLLAPSE
The author must be hanging out with a different crowd that I am. I don't know anyone serving foie gras to toddlers. Must be the 1%.
@Pagan I realize that large swathes of the country don't have adventuresome palates. I'm just poking fun at the idea that something like sardines are "Adult" food according to the post. I grew up in a family that would look at you like you were a space alien if you disdained almost any food. I was scarfing entire artichokes and blue cheese as a 2 year old, so I'm mostly just confused about...+READ
@Pagan I realize that large swathes of the country don't have adventuresome palates. I'm just poking fun at the idea that something like sardines are "Adult" food according to the post. I grew up in a family that would look at you like you were a space alien if you disdained almost any food. I was scarfing entire artichokes and blue cheese as a 2 year old, so I'm mostly just confused about pickiness in children. I've managed to get my wife to branch out into eating everything but some of the weirder offal, liver is ok, tendon or tripe is not.-COLLAPSE
@ tinnywatty - You have to remember these are the palates of little kids, they're not fully developed yet. And I have a "general American palate", but I can't *stand* Pad Thai, too fishy for me.
But then, what is the "general American palate"? Where I grew up and live (NEW Mexico), we eat a lot of food that other Americans would find way too spicy.
I would be willing to bet, too, there is a...+READ
@ tinnywatty - You have to remember these are the palates of little kids, they're not fully developed yet. And I have a "general American palate", but I can't *stand* Pad Thai, too fishy for me.
But then, what is the "general American palate"? Where I grew up and live (NEW Mexico), we eat a lot of food that other Americans would find way too spicy.
I would be willing to bet, too, there is a big swath of the country that *would* find Pad Thi, miso soup, and tikka masala *very* adventurous.
@ rockfish42 - Remember, we're talking about *American* kids here. Then you need to take the area of the US into consideration. What we eat here, on a daily basis, some in other parts of the country would consider "weird".-COLLAPSE
Just make everything sound exciting and delicious and your kids will eat and enjoy most things!
Dear picky parents: Suggestion: Leave your children alone. They'll figure it out.
Pia: About 18 months to 24 months is when parents often notice pickiness beginning, which tracks directly with the child being able to wander away from Mom and Dad, so it makes sense as an evolutionary tactic, as nuts as it drives us. The "no touching" thing with food is common to many picky kids but not all; I'm not epidemiologist but since I write about both children and food, I do cover this...+READ
Pia: About 18 months to 24 months is when parents often notice pickiness beginning, which tracks directly with the child being able to wander away from Mom and Dad, so it makes sense as an evolutionary tactic, as nuts as it drives us. The "no touching" thing with food is common to many picky kids but not all; I'm not epidemiologist but since I write about both children and food, I do cover this topic quite frequently, and I'd say the tendency to eat "white food" is probably the most common kind of pickiness. No, kids don't know food is "crazy" but they DO know if they are asked to eat a very wide variety of foods, something I don't believe was as common a generation or two ago.-COLLAPSE
"Please, sir, I want some more."
I'm skeptical about this article. Pickiness often develops at around 2-3, when little kids typically don't know yet what is "crazy stuff" because they haven't had much exposure to food outside their own family. And most picky kids aren't labeled "picky" because they're rejecting anchovies and foie gras, it's because they insist that distinct types of food be served separately and not touching...+READ
I'm skeptical about this article. Pickiness often develops at around 2-3, when little kids typically don't know yet what is "crazy stuff" because they haven't had much exposure to food outside their own family. And most picky kids aren't labeled "picky" because they're rejecting anchovies and foie gras, it's because they insist that distinct types of food be served separately and not touching each other, or (like my older son) that everything be served plain without sauce of any kind or even butter. I agree with encouraging kids to taste but not forcing them to eat certain foods, but pickiness often has to do with issues of control and sensitivity to certain smells, textures and tastes that most people would consider normal and not "far-out" or "greasy" or "stinky." And I'm not aware of any evidence that parents who care more about food have kids who are more or less picky than other parents.-COLLAPSE
Blitherypoop: Just about anything "works" in terms of pickiness in that the vast majority of people outgrow it eventually. Unless they don't; witness the survey of adult picky eaters that is picking up steam at Duke.
Pad Thai is noodles, but it can be both spicy and funky/fishy...these are not qualities that are popular with populations of young children!
My parents used to just tell me to try stuff, even if I insisted I didn't like it, and it mostly worked. Same with my sister. I'm actually a pickier eater now than I was as a kid, in some ways. I won't go near mussels now, and I used to love them.
They did trick me a few times. We once had "bird" for dinner, because they thought (rightly) that their four-year-old would be upset about eating a...+READ
My parents used to just tell me to try stuff, even if I insisted I didn't like it, and it mostly worked. Same with my sister. I'm actually a pickier eater now than I was as a kid, in some ways. I won't go near mussels now, and I used to love them.
They did trick me a few times. We once had "bird" for dinner, because they thought (rightly) that their four-year-old would be upset about eating a duck. I loved it and had seconds. Broccoli and cauliflower were "green trees and snow trees"...and I loved both. They often wouldn't tell me what something was until I'd tasted it. I think curiosity got me to try plenty of things that I would have rejected by name alone.
So pad thai? Call it "noodles" and I think most kids would at least try it....but have something else around just in case.-COLLAPSE
Yeah those damn French and British people with their weird livers and fish and stuff....
I don't think of "pad Thai, miso soup, chicken tikka masala" as being particularly adventurous- they're pretty pleasing to the general American palate.
I remember my younger brothers getting baby food liver in the 60s, I wonder if they still offer that? Loved sardines when I was a kid, didn't think there was anything weird about it. Peas though, couldn't eat. Really couldn't eat lima beans.