Faux Poutine and Other Foods We Hate

Published on Friday, February 24, 2012, by Joyce Slaton / Edit Post

Never shy, Chowhounds express extra scorn for misguided food trends that survive beyond the initial novelty stage. In a recent discussion about trends that deserve to die in 2012, hounds heaped particular disdain on these five food trends that need to go away—NOW.

Bastardized poutine. "Unless they are delicious thick wedge fries, don't start pouring cheese, bacon and chili on them. They just become a mushy disaster," warns jhopp217. Other Chowhounds take issue with the rash of nontraditional poutines, particularly those that skip traditional cheese curds altogether: "I can't tell you how many times I've yelled, in my head 'That's not poutine!!!'" says CanadaGirl. Forget farmhouse cheddar, fancy short-rib gravy, even foie gras—poutine is downscale diner food, to be consumed, says goodhealthgourmet, "between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m. after you've imbibed or inhaled more than your share of your preferred recreational substance."

Bruschetta. Don't you try to recycle your stale bread and hard pink tomatoes on us for $7! "Bruschetta is another dish I see no point in ordering when we can make it at home with tomatoes fresh from the vine. No resto version is going to touch that," says Chowhound Bob W.

Chocolate lava cake. "Anyone can make a chocolate lava cake, and almost everyone does, using a mix. Blech," says Isolda. When an item has reached frozen-food status, does it belong on a restaurant menu?

Sweet potato fries. "Most seem to come from the same frozen food supplier!" says westaust. "All of this for an extra charge on top of the regular side dish options." If they're done well, they're great. But mostly, they're not.

Cake pops. Once, Bakerella made these look cool. But after enduring a couple years of horrible versions at school bake sales, Chowhounds are done. They're not alone, judging from all the marked-down cake-pop pans piling up in discount stores. "Why does any silly fad like this take a custom pan?" asks gingershelley. "Just imagine, in a few years you will walk into a thrift store and see this pan sitting there.... what on earth is THAT for?"

Image source: Foie gras poutine at Montreal’s Au Pied de Cochon, by Flickr member Zollipop under Creative Commons

CHOW contributor Joyce Slaton is an editor and writer in San Francisco. She takes her tea with sugar and milk and will sew you an apron if you ask nicely. Follow her on Twitter. Follow CHOW, too, and become a fan on Facebook.

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POST A COMMENT |12 Comments

COMMENT

  • Also good and found through out montreal is poutine with rotisserie chicken slices and green peas --- delish...joyce slaton has never tried poutine before!!!!

  • the upscale poutines in montreal are largely considered culinary-master pieces eg: lobster poutine at Garde Manger and foie gras poutine at APDC. Less upscale but similarly non-traditional are also king! e.g., merguez, hot peppers and tobasco. Do osme fact checking bishez

  • Poutine is supposed to be a mushy disaster. The word may be derrived from either "pudding" or "stew". An apocryphal story has the name comming from a French Canadian expression translating as "a Goddamn mess."

    I agree that the newfangled stuff is almost always awful but as mentioned earlier Martin Picard gets a pass for foie gras poutine since he invented the whole upscale/downscale poutine...+READ

    Poutine is supposed to be a mushy disaster. The word may be derrived from either "pudding" or "stew". An apocryphal story has the name comming from a French Canadian expression translating as "a Goddamn mess."

    I agree that the newfangled stuff is almost always awful but as mentioned earlier Martin Picard gets a pass for foie gras poutine since he invented the whole upscale/downscale poutine thing in the first place.-COLLAPSE

  • I've had poutine in Montreal on several occasions and the fries have never been "thick wedges." They're pretty much normal fries.

    And then you put an X over the ORIGINAL upscale poutine?

    Weak, Chow. Really weak.

  • Agreed with Team Awesome: because cheese curds are a key ingredient in poutine.

    That said, if there's a fat lobe of foie on top as well, I can hardly object.

  • @lovetocookPEI

    Yes, yes, yes! A dessert made in-house is divine; something from a distant factory bakery can't compare.

  • Manufactured cheesecake etc . If there is no one baking on the premises, I skip dessert.

  • As for "why cheese curds?" it's because that's what poutine is. Not cheese fries, cheese curds. They have a different flavour and texture.

  • With regards to sweet potato fries the reason why they look like they all come from the same frozen food vendor is because they do. As someone who had them forced on the menu by my employers they are a goddam nightmare. And it is too hard to cut them yourselves. We broke one fry cutter trying to do our own and doing them by hand in massive quantities requires more labour than most restaurants can...+READ

    With regards to sweet potato fries the reason why they look like they all come from the same frozen food vendor is because they do. As someone who had them forced on the menu by my employers they are a goddam nightmare. And it is too hard to cut them yourselves. We broke one fry cutter trying to do our own and doing them by hand in massive quantities requires more labour than most restaurants can dedicate to prepping a side. Like I said, they're a goddam nightmare and an overpriced one for both the restaurant and the customer alike.-COLLAPSE

  • Have to take issue with putting an X over the foie poutine from Au Pied de Cochon. Bastardized poutine from the pub down the street that's trying too hard to be "upscale"? No thank you. Poutine elevated for the first time from drunken diner food to the sublime by a passionate and talented chef in Montreal? Hell YES!

  • Gotta agree on the sweet potato fries - the first place I ever had them was a little hole-in-the-wall burger place that cut their own and seasoned them with cinnamon and they were the best thing ever. Now everyone is selling those damn frozen ones coated in flour and they are just nasty. Is is really that hard to cut your own fries?

  • Tell me, wise one, why cheese curds? As long as the poutine is steaming hot, I dig it. I will heed your advice today; however, and throw out the chocolate lava cake mix that I got from a sister-in-law one holiday eight years ago. I never knew about cake pops and want to thank you for enlightening me. I hope you don't feel the same way about ice cream cone cupcakes. Thx., Lyn
    ...+READ

    Tell me, wise one, why cheese curds? As long as the poutine is steaming hot, I dig it. I will heed your advice today; however, and throw out the chocolate lava cake mix that I got from a sister-in-law one holiday eight years ago. I never knew about cake pops and want to thank you for enlightening me. I hope you don't feel the same way about ice cream cone cupcakes. Thx., Lyn
    http://onefoodietoanother.blogspot.com
    http://everyonesfavoriterecipes.blogspot.com
    http://anoldcookbookcollector.blogspot.com-COLLAPSE