Planning to Drink at the Office Holiday Party? Use This Flow Chart

Published on Tuesday, December 6, 2011, by James Norton / Edit Post

Office parties pose a dilemma: Avail yourself too freely of the Cranberry Kamikazes and you're likely to end up doing the Dougie for an audience of open-mouthed coworkers who'll instantly brand you a pariah. But act too stiff, sipping a club soda before sneaking out solo, and you'll never get asked out for after-work beers. My friend, you need a drinking plan.

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  • maybe... it's bit of dmars045 mixed straight with some Ruth Lafler, hold the upkerry11?

  • Good advice, dmars045, except that when you leave early you often miss the most entertaining part. I left early from a hard-drinking law firm's party the night one of the partners danced with his mistress in front of his wife (divorce papers followed), one of the partners dumped his much younger girl friend (who spent the rest of the evening sobbing in the ladies room) and one of the junior...+READ

    Good advice, dmars045, except that when you leave early you often miss the most entertaining part. I left early from a hard-drinking law firm's party the night one of the partners danced with his mistress in front of his wife (divorce papers followed), one of the partners dumped his much younger girl friend (who spent the rest of the evening sobbing in the ladies room) and one of the junior associates brought a blow-up doll that various people danced with. That party could definitely have used one of the blackmail video cameras!-COLLAPSE

  • Always with moderation the max at any work function should just be two, find common ground, stay away from work related topics and don't stay until the end be out of there before you have a life outside the place and you need to let people you work with know that so they won't get the impression you want to hang with them. It is okay to have a few friends from work if you have common interests...+READ

    Always with moderation the max at any work function should just be two, find common ground, stay away from work related topics and don't stay until the end be out of there before you have a life outside the place and you need to let people you work with know that so they won't get the impression you want to hang with them. It is okay to have a few friends from work if you have common interests but if you don't best to stay low key. If you do this no one will remember you were even there so all is good and you avoid having people talk about you. Great for anyone who is seaking advancement or want to stay pretty much in the background except when it actually comes down to the job at hand young people who want to advance themselves should take this advice and apply it because now more then ever the way you act in public is important.-COLLAPSE

  • This is really funny. I fall under the "whatever the wallet will bear" category and I'm going to follow that advice!

  • I avoid any and all Christmas parties that are work related. BORING.

  • Harmy - it's one drink per hour MAX, meaning you stay in control enough to focus your camera on those who don't. Evil!

  • Man,I've been to a few too many of those church-y ones. This year ,I am going to drink some Everclear disguised as a smartphone.

  • Wait, I don't understand. Why does (open bar - basically evil) and one drink per hour lead to blackmail? Is that supposed to be a slow pace or fast pace? If it's a fast pace, won't you be the one being blackmailed?

  • "... maintain with craft beer." Love it!

  • wait - what's wrong with the dougie?