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Sleeping Customer Blocks Texas Drive-Thru

The Associated Press reported this week that a Texas man fell asleep while ordering at a fast food drive-thru, but that isn’t even the funny part of the story for me. The part I’m giggling at is this:

“Employees at a Whataburger restaurant called police around 12:30 a.m. after a man blocked their drive-thru with his vehicle nearly an hour and appeared to be asleep.”

An hour? They let him sit there for an hour? How long does it take to figure out the customer’s not answering, tell your co-workers, laugh uproariously, inform the manager, and get someone outside to shake the guy and make sure he’s not dead? I’m thinking … 10 minutes tops. What did they do for the remaining 50 minutes?

Terry Nichols and the Terrorist Diet

Oklahoma City bombing co-conspirator Terry Nichols has something serious on his mind: Prison food isn’t to his liking. So he’s suing.

Cue outrage in the comments section: “Why don’t the prison guys just order up a couple bales of hay,” “Feed him bread and water only,” “If I were feeding you we’d have a special each day. Rat [du] jour. Ratashimi. Rat Stew,” etc.

Yes, yes, thank you for the insight, Internet tough guys, but is it possible that he has a point?

Nichols’ contention is that he’s “compelled to consume daily those unhealthy dead and refined foods that are abhorrent to plaintiff’s sincerely held religious beliefs causing him physical, mental and spiritual torment, and to sin against God.”

The piece notes:

“Nichols wants 100 percent whole-grain foods, more fresh raw vegetables and fresh fruit, a wheat bran supplement, and digestive bacteria and enzymes. He wrote that his religious beliefs and requests ‘are not absurd, unorthodox, nor costly.’”

Well, is that legitimate to say that diet is intrinsically related to a spiritual belief? Nichols, in his suit, writes that he sincerely believes that God created mankind to consume unrefined whole foods. If you “sincerely believe” that God created mankind to consume only steaks and apple pie, would that hold an equal amount of water? Should a vegan’s prison requests be honored, even if they’re not religiously derived?

Jell-O Quake!

This morning’s 4.3 temblor near San Jose had the Bay Area (and us here at CHOW Central) quaking like Jell-O. If only earthquakes were as beautiful in real life as they are in Jell-O miniature maker Liz Hickok’s artwork. If you haven’t seen it, here’s Hickok’s Telegraph Hill Earthquake, in which she takes advantage of her chosen medium’s characteristic wiggly qualities.

Coming up Next: Kosher Everclear

Everybody knows that the one thing kosher-keeping Jews crave during Passover is a really great margarita. It’s been that way ever since the first agave-based beverage was served across the street from the Second Temple in Jerusalem, sometime around 400 BCE, when a bunch of rogue … proto-Aztecs … sailed over from the New World in a ship made out of … hell, let’s say some unknown crystalline substance that might have come from outer space. Therefore, it’s shocking that it’s taken this long for a spirits company to launch a kosher tequila pegged to both Passover and Cinco de Mayo. But good things come to those who wait: Agave 99, launched by New York businessman Martin Silver, is coming to a market near you.

Mixed Curse of CSA Bounty

Slate fronts a story that affects a small percentage of the general population, but a rather larger percentage of its affluent, high-minded readership: What to do with all those frickin’ vegetables from your CSA.

Big quantities of sometimes exotic or less-than-delicious produce come part and parcel with the CSA lifestyle; writer Catherine Price calls Mark Bittman to ask about coping strategies, talks to Greens founder Deborah Madison, and eventually considers the expedient strategy of simply covering everything in béchamel sauce.

Image source: thebittenword.com under Creative Commons

Farewell to a Loyal, Vibrating Friend?

Is the vibrating square hockey puck thing that lights up to tell you that your table at T.G.I. Friday’s soon to be a thing of the past? Food blog Food2 reports that a start-up called ReadyPing is planning to market a text message–based solution to the crowded restaurant/diner summons problem.

As the ReadyPing website points out, sending a message to customers’ own cell phones prevents pagers from being lost, stolen, or damaged … and, um, contaminated: “There’s no telling where those pagers have gone (the bathroom?) or who’s been touching them. An investigation conducted by CBS3 Philadelphia found that 5 of 7 pagers from different restaurants tested positive for commonly found bacteria such as Staphylococcus.”

One of the potential pitfalls, as per a thoughtful commenter on the Food2 story: Is this the key that unlocks the evil genie of restaurant-related text messaging spam?

Fear the Clear Beer

Coors, what can’t you do for beer, you amazing multinational behemoth? In one of the most condescending gestures toward women since the anti-suffrage movement, Coors has decided to introduce a clear beer to Britain in order to appeal to female drinkers. As reported by UK tabloid the Daily Star, Coors plans to test market the unnamed 4 percent ABV beverage in pubs this summer. Here’s the heart of the beast:

“The clear drink is put through an extreme filtering process that removes its color and it can be flavored with green tea and exotic fruits.”

The truly tragic thing is that there’s already a solution available for people seeking to sell skeptical women on the wonders of beer: It’s called lambic.

The World’s First CSF (Community Supported Forage) Box

Once upon a time, if you wanted to eat plant life, you had to hunt for it. Berries on bushes, fruit from trees, greens and herbs from the ground. If you could gather enough on your daily rounds, you could eat. If not, there was certainly no Kwik Mart where you could grab a nuked burrito and a soda.

In these days of scientifically farmed produce and feedlot meat, the ability to take what you need from nature seems almost mystical. Which is why scores of enthusiastic eaters in San Francisco are willing to pay $40 every couple of weeks to Iso Rabins, an urban forager whose perambulations in Bay Area parkland have produced the world’s first and only “wild-crafted” community supported forage (CSF) box through his fledgling firm, forageSF.

So what comes in the box? Wild mushrooms, nettles, greens, edible roots like radishes, all of it culled from the hills and valleys of the San Francisco Bay Area in a process outlined by local paper SF Weekly in this week’s spotlight on Iso Rabins and forageSF.

“On an unseasonably warm winter afternoon, Iso Rabins stepped out of a silver Subaru Legacy at the intersection of Walnut and Pacific streets, a tony corner of Pacific Heights that abuts the southern edge of the Presidio. Pausing to roll and light a cigarette, he hopped the waist-high stone wall lining the park. Behind him, rows of shingle and brick two-story houses climbed uphill into a bright February sky. As he stepped slowly and deliberately across an overgrown hillside bisected by a dirt walking trail, eyes trained on the ground like a man who had lost his wedding ring, the gentle ping of bats on baseballs rose from fields below. Suddenly Rabins froze, knelt, and began to nibble on a weed,” writes Peter Jamison.

“‘This is wild radish,’ he said absently, eyes scanning the ground as he masticated his find. ‘I’ve used it in potato salad, with wild salad greens. There’s a subtle flavor to it.’ A few more steps and Rabins came upon a patch of Claytonia perfoliata, or miner’s lettuce, so named for the 49ers who grew fond of the plant as a source of Vitamin C during the Gold Rush.”

The downsides of foraging? Park regulations, the possibility that finds are contaminated with animal pee, and the hard truth that nature doesn’t produce food to order. Oh, and there are some interesting details about poisonous mushrooms, still one of the easiest ways to kill yourself eating. Or just see some interesting hallucinations:

“In China … one infamous strain of wild mushrooms provokes an identical hallucination of xiao ren ren, or ‘little people,’ among all those who eat them. Many do so by accident — for example, after eating the culprit fungus in a dish prepared at a restaurant — and the resulting visions stir no more alarm among Chinese diners than an upset stomach.”

Image source: flickr member mecredis under Creative Commons

Depression Cooking with Grandma Clara

Clara Cannucciari probably didn’t plan to become an Internet celebrity when her grandson Christopher began filming her cooking in her kitchen. But that’s exactly what has happened, as hundreds of thousands are now watching her cooking series, Great Depression Cooking, available on YouTube, and recently collected on a DVD, now in presale mode.

Of course people love Clara. She’s a kick, dispensing salty wisdom and cheap recipes that average 50 cents a serving. But it’s the memories she shares along the way that are really special, like how her mom used to tell her to go outside and get the meat for dinner, buried in the backyard in the snow because the family couldn’t afford a refrigerator. Or how the family would turn off the heat at the end of cooking a dish to save gas, letting the hot water do the rest of the work on its own. Clara’s recipes are equally thrifty, utilizing ingredients like eggs, pasta, and lots and lots of potatoes. In this episode, Clara makes a Poorman’s Feast: thin steak with lemon and olive oil, lentils and rice, salad, and bread.

CHOW has a newly launched Cooking with Grandma series too.

Yo Ho Ho and a Barrel of Beer

If you’re a beer nut, you know the historical origins of the heavily hopped IPA (India pale ale) style of brew (the higher levels of hops and alcohol helped preserve the IPA for the trip to the Raj). The Times of London reports that Scottish microbrewery BrewDog has used a 200-year-old recipe to reproduce the original incarnation of the beer, and aged it on a mackerel trawler in the North Sea for extra historical veracity.

“‘With all the motion of the sea, the oxidation in the barrel would have been brought on quicker than if they were sitting in a warehouse,’ [said BrewDog co-owner Martin Dickie]. ‘Some interesting flavours were also introduced, like the wood of the barrel, but also the fruity flavours brought on by the oxidation.’”

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