When your lover/kids/housemates/spouse is gone, what do you make for dinner and where do you eat it? A can of anchovies scarfed while logging onto Second Life? Or spaghetti carbonara while watching old episodes of Deadwood?
Cookbook writer Deborah Madison and her husband, artist Patrick McFarlin, investigated the issue in their new book What We Eat When We Eat Alone. Based on interviews with strangers of all ages and walks of life, the book is an interesting and voyeuristic peek into one of our most private moments.
Turns out folks make stuff their spouses don’t like (okra!), because they can. Or they eat weird food combinations because nobody’s watching (Wonder Bread flattened, covered with butter and sugar, then frozen briefly so it becomes a kind of sugar cookie). Most people drink more wine than they typically would, and men swig whiskey. A surprising number of people in all parts of the country “turn to some combination of chiles, tortillas, salsa, and cheese,” write Madison and McFarlin.
The book includes plenty of simple, homey recipes that are adapted from what the interviewees said they ate. My “to-trys” include: soft avocado tacos, and polenta smothered in braised greens.
CHOW sat down with the couple at the Nob Hill Grille in San Francisco.
What inspired the book?
Patrick: We took these trips in the Mediterranean in the 1990s, through the Oldways preservation and food trust. I got in the habit of asking the other people on the tour, many of whom were professional chefs, what they ate when they ate alone, then sketching them. It was a good icebreaker
Deborah: I found the drawings when we were moving, and thought: “This would make a good book.” We did new interviews and collaborated on the writing.
Did peoples’ answers surprise you?
Deborah: I expected to get a lot of answers like “peanut butter sandwich”, but it was all over the map. I’m happy to say there was not one “boneless skinless chicken breast.”
What was the most disgusting thing you heard that somebody ate?
Deborah: Margarita mix poured over bread.
Where there any themes that emerged?
Deborah: Crisp things in liquid, like oyster crackers in coffee or saltines in milk. This sounds kind of disgusting, but it might just be that people don’t have the language to talk about why they like something. When I was in Rome 25 years ago, I read Chéri by Colette, and made a note of this dish she made, where she put milky coffee in a bowl, covered with chunks of bread, with butter and sugar, then put it in the oven so it became kind of caramelized. That sounds good. Maybe if people were writing more about what they were eating, like Colette, there would be magic there in [the question of] “why do you like it?”
Patrick: There’s a whole chapter called “Men and Their Meat.”
Deborah: Patrick interviewed this bartender at a Cuban bar, who liked to take a flank steak, wrap it up with bacon, cheese, and mushrooms, and grill it. We include a recipe for that, but we added spinach.
What other gender stuff came out?
Deborah: Women are more into comfort. Men would never admit that they curl up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate.
What do you two eat, when you eat alone?
Deborah: I make a fried egg sandwich when I come back from yoga.
Patrick: I make panini in my studio with spinach and tofu.
What do you eat when you eat alone?
i suspect this book will be a fun read!!
on eating solo, meaning at home:
brunch on weekends after a run: tuna salad (the ‘purist’ version, consisting of bumblebee chunk light in olive oil, aggressively drained, hellman’s, chopped celery, capers if i’m feeling special), on sourdough or ciabatta, with melted gouda or muenster, and piled with brussels sprouts. salt and vinegar chips on the side. a devil dog for dessert. very sloppy but very yummy.
Men don’t curl up with hot chocolate because (speaking generally) men don’t curl up — they sprawl. I realized this while having a conversation with another woman and a man about window seats. She and I were having a meeting of the minds about the fabulousness of window seats, and the guy was going “window seats? What’s so great about window seats?”
“A surprising number of people in all parts of the country “turn to some combination of chiles, tortillas, salsa, and cheese…” I resemble that remark! The number of evenings, especially in the summer, when I have chips and salsa for dinner is pretty high. I assuage my guilt by reminding myself that a bowl of homemade salsa fresca is really pretty nutritious.
for me, most meals are alone, meaning toast, beans and tortillas, bagels etc. although alone, i layer up on the paprika, el pato, minced onions, etc, WAY more.
I spent an entire semester surviving on tuna melts made on english muffins with swiss
My family is kinda squeemish, so when I’m alone I eat things that would gross them out… the “nasty bits” of meat, like heart, or tongue, whole, head-on fish, foods that are spicy or vinegary.
When I cook just for me I drag out any and every spice/herb that I own and throw a ton of them in… I can experiment more when no one is watching! Another favorite is “left-over pizza”. Anything that is even just a little OK to put on a pizza from my fridge goes right on there… thats how Tailgate Pizza came about! (Brats, Pickles and Onions…kraut too if I have it)
This morning I ate some anchovies out of the can..
Either stuff my husband hates (eggplant, fish, cucumbers), or cold cereal.
The last time I was gone, my husband tried to have something I don’t care for:sauerkraut and hot dogs. The only stores within walking distance were out of the saurkraut, had only vegan or light dogs, and gluten-free buns (even the dog didn’t like them).
Now that he’s gone for a few days, I have been subsisting on leftover rice with as many condiments and toppings as I can find (packaged fried onions with soy sauce and cayenne; leftover sauce from the fried flounder, extra cayenne; romano grated to a thick crust with olive oil, cayenne; curried vegetable leftovers, more cayenne). I tried shopping for food, but was glazed over and merely managed to find some imported ramen which comes with a packet of onions in fat; added cayenne to that too. If there were tortillas in the house, I’d heat those to eat with cheese and cayenne.
I’ve never enjoyed cooking only for myself.