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Midwest Airlines’ Chocolate Chip Cookie

There are some foods that are infinitely debatable in their perfection, like the hamburger, the martini, and
the chocolate chip cookie.

My perfect chocolate chip cookie is crispy on the outside and gooey in the middle, with just the right amount of sweetness from the chips and a toasty molasses flavor from the brown sugar. But the most important—and elusive—requirement is fresh-from-the-oven meltiness. I rarely find a cookie that embodies more than one of these characteristics, let alone all of them. But then I flew Midwest Airlines. When I booked my ticket I thought I was just getting a cheap fare; who knew I would also find killer cookies a mile high? Luckily for me I had a connecting flight, which meant that I got not two but four warm, fresh-baked cookies. And yes, I ate them all.

Bug Eating, Termite Edition

Call us immodest, but the Grinder yields to no food media blog in its coverage of bug eating. There’s been a rash of insect protein stories lately, possibly because soon all food systems will collapse and we’ll be reduced to a dusty, anteaterlike existence. But we’ll still be fine: That’s what the world learned from Theo Rosmulder, a man who got lost prospecting for gold in the Australian outback and crawled into a hole to die. Then he found a termite mound. Four days later, local Aborigines discovered him in surprisingly good condition. Press reports do not indicate whether he asked his rescuers for salt.

Also, from the Department of Cosmic Ironies: Rosmulder used to work as an exterminator. Said a pithy Australian police officer: “He kept eating what he used to kill.”

This Is Your Brain on Coffee

We all know what coffee does: It makes us work faster and better, can increase our athletic performance, and helps us be more outgoing and chatty.

So do some other drugs—drugs that may not be as socially accepted. Following on the heels of such products as Legal Weed beer and Cocaine Cola comes Meth Coffee. Although it does not actually have any meth in it (we hope), the mysterious Meth Coffee roasters note that it “may promote feelings of mania, zania, euthanasia, fantasia, and all manner of paranoia.” On the plus side, it “CUTS BOREDOM LIKE A GODDAMN RAZOR.”

The Illinois attorney general is not amused.

One Hot Potato Salad

That irksome question—can recipes be copyrighted?—has reared its ugly head again, only this time instead of politicians’ wives, it’s bloggers involved. Melissa of Alosha’s Kitchen recently published a post in which she modified a Cook’s Country potato salad recipe, making at least three changes to it. She credited the source, but Cook’s Country was not happy. Melissa received an email from Cook’s Country’s publicity company asking her to take down the recipe. She protested, replying that “People make modifications to other people’s recipes all the time. It’s part of the food blog life.” Cook’s Country’s PR person, however, replied, “Sorry, no modifications allowed. Our recipes are tested up to 100 times for a reason (i.e. because they work). Let’s agree to disagree and please don’t print our recipes at all (as they are copyrighted). Thanks!” Melissa took the recipe down.

Was the PR person right? It’s hard to know without seeing the recipes side by side, but the short answer is, probably not. The U.S. Copyright Office states that it can’t register claims for “Mere listings of ingredients, as in recipes, labels, or formulas” and “When a recipe or formula is accompanied by explanation or directions, the text directions may be copyrightable, but the recipe or formula itself remains uncopyrightable.” As the Washington Post noted in a 2006 story, “Cooking is not considered inventing; rather, it evolves. Copyright law specifies that ‘substantial literary expression in the form of an explanation or directions,’ such as a cookbook, can be copyrighted but that a mere list of ingredients cannot receive that protection.”

But what constitutes “an explanation or directions” is still murky. Short, generic phrases like “whisk the remaining ingredients” are not copyrightable. Gene Quinn, a patent attorney writing at IPWatchdog.com, says, “In copyright law there is a prohibition against protecting even original expression if there is only a limited number of ways to convey said expression.” He continues, “Simply listing generic steps or directions cannot, in my opinion, be protected. So a recipe that lists the ingredients and then says ‘mix together, pour into pan, put into oven at 350’ seems to me to lack ‘substantial literary expression.’ Of course, the more originality that is infused the more likely some copyright protection will exist, but taking the component pieces of a recipe is no violation.”

This puts entities that rely on their recipes in a strange position, however. The product Cook’s Country is selling is its carefully tested recipes; if those recipes are available everywhere, the magazine’s not going to make money.

Ironically, Cook’s Country is currently asking readers to submit their favorite family recipes. No mention of whether those family recipes will be subject to Cook’s Country copyright if published.

One thing’s for sure: Cook’s Country probably needs a new public relations firm. The blog fury generated by this event could singe a pickle. Barbara Fisher at Tigers & Strawberries calls the public relations person “misinformed,” and Cook’s Country “arrogant.” Viktoria Sundqvist at Cool Swede calls for people to cancel their subscriptions to America’s Test Kitchen publications. Cate at Sweetnicks thinks Cook’s Country has some “splainin’ to do.” And Kate Hopkins at Accidental Hedonist, who has posted her own version of the potato salad, puts it most succinctly. “America’s Test Kitchen?” she writes. “You can go suck an egg.”

Drop the Hamburger

Citizenship, it appears, may be destiny—at least if the results of a new study are correct. The study, from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, posits that if you’re an American in the year 2030, there is an 86 percent chance that you will be overweight or obese.

Alexis Madrigal, of the Wired Science blog, sees it as the Wall-E-fication of the U.S., as we all turn into Jabba-the-Hutt-size, chair-bound, entertainment- and junk-food-consuming blobs.

The study is dismaying, especially in light of other recent studies that have shown that childhood obesity may be leveling off.

Still, there are an awful lot of reasons we continue to get fatter. Reasons like the “7 Hamburgers of the Apocalpyse,” described on Diet Blog. Yeah, a burger that places bacon, cheese, a fried egg, a burger patty, and a chicken cutlet on one sandwich (affectionately called the “Whatafarm” burger) can really play havoc with your healthy eating plans.

On the other hand, there are some signs of health consciousness on the horizon.

2006 McKenzie Clan Rosé

Rosé can be sickeningly sweet or boring, but the McKenzie Clan rosé I found on a random wine-tasting adventure is dry and packed with spicy flavor. It’s redolent of sun-ripened green peppers, and intense with every sip. On a side note, it’s from a tiny family-run winery in the Los Carneros region of California’s Napa Valley. When I dropped by with a friend (and without a reservation), the vintners were happy to let us taste all of their available wines, on the spot.

2006 McKenzie Clan Rosé, $19

Pour One Out for Bennigan’s

The New York Times blames a general trend of decreased diner expenditure for the shuttering of the Irish-themed Bennigan’s casual-dining chain (registration required). Sister chain Steak and Ale is also history.

For the record, Chowhounds saw it coming and blamed the food, not the economy. Here’s a 2007 thread titled “How is Bennigan’s still in business??” The overall trend: A restaurant chain that once was good (or not very good) turning into a restaurant chain that is bad (or very, very bad).

It used to be decent fern bar fare, at least in Tallahassee. Our family likes to go to Chili’s for lunch after church, but once it was very crowded and we decided to try the Bennigan’s 100 yards away. What a let down…only one quarter of the place was even open; 75% of the restaurant was actually closed down, with chairs upside on the tables and the lights off. That should have been a clue to leave, but we ordered and not only was the food not good…it was horrible.

Of course this same thread also features someone taking a pass on Bennigan’s and bringing his girlfriend—now wife—to Red Lobster “because she was special.” Take it from this here shrimp-eating hobo: yikes.

A Strawberry Fuel Surcharge

Fuel prices are hitting small farmers hard: Many are now doing the math on whether going to the farmers’ market is worth it.

The Associated Press talks to Franca Tantillo, a New York strawberry farmer who drives 135 miles to the NYC greenmarkets and who says that “half the money she takes in on a given day at the market now goes to cover costs related to transportation.” She even stayed home for a month because of higher fuel costs.

It’s not just transport costs that are stressing small farmers. Animal feed has soared along with commodity prices, and, well, farmers can list a lot more:

[H]igher charges for plastic supplies for greenhouses and irrigation systems for fields; larger energy bills for heating greenhouses and soaring prices for diesel used to fuel farm equipment and the trucks that carry their products to the markets. Even the plastic bags they put their products in are more expensive this year.

Happily, the AP provides some comic relief. Here’s the story’s explanatory paragraph on farmers’ markets for readers who’ve been lost in a Safeway for the last decade:

Sometimes housed in a historic downtown building, sometimes a collection of vendors gathered in a city park or parking lot, such markets typically feature seasonal produce, meats and handcrafted cheeses sold by small farmers directly to consumers. The markets often add baked goods and other prepared foods for sale.

DIY Escargot

Tired of picking snails off your garden cauliflower? The TuttiFoodie site has the answer for you, in a funny post sent out in its newsletter this week titled “Escargone.” It’s the story of a vegan farmer turned snail-raiser.

Every year, when John planted our backyard vegetable garden, he found himself crushing an entire harvest’s worth of snails underfoot. It was obviously a waste—of life, of energy, and of perfectly good nutrition. So what if—John hazarded to ask me on a foggy May day, beat-up garden shoes smudged with freshly tilled soil—we ate them instead?

There are step-by-step instructions on how to gather and prep the slimy buggers before eating (a cleansing diet of cornmeal and water should do the trick). Then it’s all garlic butter and full bellies.

If you want to read about another intrepid man’s quest for backyard escargot, the ever-charming Matt Armendariz of Mattbites has successfully walked down that garden path.

Hey, can’t get much more local than your own backyard.

Waiter, There’s a Spy in My Soup

For years (since his first post in April 2004), the straight talker behind the blog Waiter Rant has spewed venom on obnoxious diners, flayed bad tippers alive, and ripped the velvet curtain off the backstage antics of high-end restaurants. He’s written about wanting to club patrons over the head with a pepper grinder, seducing diners into ordering dessert, and where the chef really was instead of the farmers’ market. He’s rehashed the toll of having to work weekends and holidays, not getting paid when a restaurant has an unexpected closure, and dealing with rude customers. Hilariously, and with flair. And all anonymously.

Until now. Waiter Rant, it turns out, is written by Steve Dublanica, and he’s got a book out: Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip—Confessions of a Cynical Waiter. Anthony Bourdain’s calling it “the front-of-the-house version of ‘Kitchen Confidential.’” Like Bourdain, Dublanica has a bit of an ulterior motive in spilling the beans: He wants you to consider, as the New York Post puts it, “If you care whether the pig you are eating was humanely raised, shouldn’t you also care about the people preparing it?”

As Eater notes, Dublanica still hasn’t revealed the restaurant he waited at, which he referred to in his blog as “The Bistro” or “Café Machiavelli.” Readers at Grub Street have some guesses.

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