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Escape from Moscow

Russia

Escaping Moscow is as nightmarish as entering it. We’re stuck in traffic for several hours, breathing in black, choking exhaust.

“It’s like smoking a pack of cigarettes,” Mims says, coughing.

We’re eager to put on miles. But clouds mass in the early evening sky and explode in an electrical thunderstorm.

“I feel like we’re on a TV show about natural disasters,” Andrew says.

Our spirits are low. Then we smell something like hickory barbecue. The odor increases in intensity until we reach what can only be described as a restaurant shantytown. A half dozen closely bunched homes have smoking grills in front, with people stoking smoldering wood. Each seems identical, but our choice is easy once we spot an elderly woman wearing a blue polka-dot dress, green apron, and kindly smile. She indicates that we should sit down.

We do so at a picnic table beneath an overhang. We get menus but once again are mystified by the language barrier.

“What’s your favorite?” Mims asks in Russian.

She brings us inside her restaurant—a run-down room wallpapered in fake bark—and begins showing us food options. Her favorites are borscht, skewers of mystery meat, and rice-based plov.

“What’s in the plov?” Mims asks.

She says something only Mims can understand.

“Moooooo?” he says, mimicking a cow.

She nods.

We give the thumbs-up and sit. The cook’s daughter delivers sliced brown bread—dry as the desert—and fans the grill’s flames with cardboard.

Cubes of crispy meat on skewers arrive at the table. They’re pork, not beef, but they’re pure smoky deliciousness, and they disappear instantly. The borscht comes steaming and sprinkled with fresh dill and chives. Circles of oily goodness float on top.

“This is the best borscht we’ve had in Russia,” Mims says. He’s right. The soup is soulful and delicate, homemade and hearty; stew beef makes it substantial. Even the bread’s dryness becomes an asset when dipped.

Though the portions of plov are puny (by the West’s supersize standards, at least), the dish is filling and flavorful. The rice is topped with dill and pieces of crisp beef that inspire longings for home. “They taste just like a Krystal burger,” Mims says.

Have a Drink, Please

Returning to a couple of threads from a couple of days ago: I’m up in Tahoe with my wife’s extended family, on a four-night stay, and I’ve brought along four bottles of wine from Kermit Lynch, the wine store based in Berkeley.

What the bottles represent to me is a little date I have with myself, the next pleasurable move in my quiet wine journey. They represent, in other words, a treat about which I’m thrilled, but which I don’t expect to thrill others. This, I suppose, is because there’s a wine-geek element to the exercise: I have bought the wines not because they’re supposed to be good, although I’m sure they will be, but because a Kermit Lynch sales clerk has testified that they represent the boss’s idea of proper winemaking technique. And the boss’s idea, as I’ve mentioned before—I’m reading his book, Adventures on the Wine Route—is deeply conservative in a way I’m open to embracing, at least for now. It holds, in essence, that wine should be made with the least intrusive, most traditional means possible (forgive me, Mr. Lynch, if my paraphrase is unfair), letting grapes express terroir, and turn themselves into wine, with minimal interference from technology. This seems to mean, especially, no mechanical fruit-picking machines, no stainless steel tanks, no added sugar, and absolutely no filtering.

It also means a way to occupy myself, something I’m curious about, and I’m eyeing these bottles as the days pass between dips in the pool and excursions into Tahoe City and a ridiculously hard mountain bike ride with my wife’s sister’s husband. I’m leaving the bottles in the fridge so they don’t bake in the Tahoe heat, and I keep wondering if I should just break them out and taste them alone, over lunch, but that seems sort of sad. I do love these folks, after all; they are my wife’s family. But sometimes I worry that asking people to share a geek-out tasting is a mistake: They might feel pressured and not enjoy it. And then I’d feel stupid. So I’m sitting on the wines, not bringing them to dinner. Until, finally, my brother-in-law—the one with whom there was friction years back, but who seems to be letting it all go in a nice way—cooks a beautiful meal of California king salmon with a Sinskey Pinot Noir, and suddenly I feel that culinary gifts are appropriate here, and won’t go awry. And so I spend our last day in Tahoe julienning potatoes for the frites recipe from Thomas Keller’s Bouchon cookbook (an excellent recipe, I might add), and I defrost the many pounds of grass-fed steak I’ve brought up from my home freezer, and I cobble together a shaved salad of fennel, radish, parsley, and cucumber. And then, finally, I put out some appetizers, on the big deck in the warm Sierra evening: roasted garlic, roasted sweet peppers, olives. Awakening the senses without dulling them or killing the appetite. I pop a bottle of Mumm Napa nonvintage champagne that has been in my cellar for far too long, and I’ve just confirmed that it’s unexpectedly wonderful when my brother-in-law mentions that he’s not drinking. He went cycling the day before, riding 35 miles in the arid, high-altitude atmosphere, and he horribly overdid it. He feels sick the way only a high-altitude overexertion can make you feel sick (I’ve been there).

So if he’s not going to drink the bubbly, I suppose I ought to hit it myself. Which I do, even as I’m pulling the steaks off the grill and throwing the last of the frites into the peanut oil and dressing the salad. The champagne tastes wonderful—light and yeasty and fresh and smooth, as if settled down by all that time in my cellar—and now it occurs to me that I don’t want to get drunk on bubbly before I’ve tasted all those Kermit bottles, so even as I’m spreading garlic-anchovy butter on the steaks, I’m grabbing at the corkscrew. With every bottle open, and the food hitting platters, I’m into the Chinon first: again, wonderful! Complex and soft and interesting, somehow specific in a way new-world wines often are not. Likewise the Corsican wine: rustic in the very best sense. But now I’m at the big dining table, with my wife’s parents, her sister and sister’s husband, and her brother and brother’s wife. And although I’m still yearning for the brother to drink with me, the way he drank with me the night before, I don’t blame him a bit, and I’m tasting the Bourgogne, which turns out to be a little on the ordinary side. Nowhere to spit, though, so I have to empty my glass before moving on to the Pic Saint Loup, which I find to have an appealing chalky quality in its tannins, with a bright dry-fruit element, and so I’m encouraging the others to taste all the wines, and to eat more steak, and to plow through the frites, when it occurs to me that I’m getting drunk and excited and that I ought to slow down, back off a little, let people eat. Bring out the cheese course at the right time, and try not to mind that my brother-in-law is gone from the table without a sip of these interesting wines and that he’s helping his kids get ready for the flight home to New York. Because I shouldn’t mind. He’s a family man, he’s exhausted from that overexertion, and the trip has gone so very well—no unhappiness, no friction, everyone largely satisfied with the place, the weather. A rarity, really, in the annals of family getaways. And so as the table empties out and I remain, ever more drunk, and quite stuffed full on steak and frites, and now tasting the cheeses and still switching back and forth among the three wines I like—settling on the Chinon as the clear winner—I have to let it all go, all the private hopes that each of us must learn not to force upon others.

If You Think CornNuts Are Good

Bola-Bola Kikos is the newest goodie to come from renowned Spanish chocolate chef Oriol Balaguer. It’s a lightly toasted, salty corn kernel covered in bittersweet chocolate and dusted with unsweetened cocoa powder—think high-end CornNuts. The balance of salty, bitter, and sweet will satisfy afternoon cravings, but if sweet and savory isn’t for you, don’t worry: Bola-Bola is available in other varieties too.

Bola-Bola Kikos, $12.25 per box

Leptin: The Food Critic of Hormones?

It’s long been known that the hormone leptin helps control hunger, but a recent study has revealed that it may also help govern what foods we like and dislike.

In the study, two teenagers who don’t produce leptin because of a rare disorder were given the hormone. Before getting leptin, they were insatiably hungry, and not choosy about which foods they ate. Once given the hormone, however, they began to discern favorite foods and reject others. The choosiness allowed them to lose weight. Lead researcher Paul C. Fletcher explained,

This work shows that the rewarding properties of food have strong effects on brain areas concerned with liking and desire, and that the tendency for some people to overeat because they like food is influenced by specific hormones and chemicals in the brain.

Leptin research will likely lead to a better understanding of appetite and obesity. But it’s also leading to some controversial suggestions, most notably “leptin babies.” A British scientist, Michael Cawthorne, is developing a baby formula supplemented with leptin, which would ostensibly help regulate how the body produces the hormone, essentially inoculating the child against obesity and its attendant health problems (diabetes, heart disease). This kind of tinkering makes some people deeply uncomfortable. Cawthorne argues,

How is it different from giving children vaccinations to prevent infectious disease? Obesity is a disease with life-or-death consequences. We need to do something about it, and it’s pretty obvious that what we’re doing isn’t working.

Wine, Straight Up

A recent Guardian story on low-alcohol wine has a not-unfamiliar lead:

It was over dinner at Racine in London with some friends a few years ago that we first noticed. How had we got so smashed?

As wines have inexorably inched upward in alcohol, people everywhere have found themselves more sodden than they’d expected. A couple of years ago in the New York Times, writer Eric Asimov addressed the topic in “The Hard Stuff Now Includes Wine,” noting that it is “the rare bottle from California, red or white, that doesn’t reach 14 percent alcohol.” A bottle with 15 percent alcohol contains 25 percent more boozy kick than a 12 percenter. High-alcohol wine has its defenders, but as Asimov points out, a 15 percent wine gets you to whoopsy-daisy a whole lot faster.

That’s what happened to the diners in the Guardian, who’d been drinking a 15 percent South African red “in place of the gentler 12.5% of our usual claret. It had been like drinking on an empty stomach. It had slain us.” Consumers, not shockingly, have expressed a desire to be less slain, so supermarkets in England are now selling low-alcohol wines, including an Australian Shiraz that rings in at under 10 percent. That’s achieved by slashing the alcohol content in the winery. The UK’s Sainsbury’s chain is also marketing a low-alcohol brand that uses grapes grown in cooler sites (and picked with less sugar content, since sugar equals alcohol, of course).

All that said, winemakers have limited choices. Winemaking comes down to climate. Unless everyone starts artificially reducing alcohol content, wines may soon be bigger, stronger, and harder whether we like it or not.

Who’s Calling Who Fat on the Web

The current edition of Gastronomica is the “Politics of Food” issue, and it reads pretty much as you’d expect for a journal published by the University of California Press. There’s a mixture of fascinating, well-supported stories; knee-jerk leftism; academic jargon and navel-gazing (for better and worse); and some bizarre but fascinating little one-offs.

Mark Morton files one of the latter, titled “Weighty Words.” Using Google as his research tool, he dug around to see how particular adjectives and euphemisms for overweight attached themselves to various genders and classes. Men, for example, are portly (39,200 results versus 746 for women), while women are plump (91,000 hits versus 15,500 for men).

The big finding, however, comes with black women. Disproportionate to everyone else (vastly, in some cases) they are labeled fat, obsese, and overweight. His take: As the ultimate outsiders (in race, gender, and usually class) they’re attractive targets for adjectives that carry negative connotations.

Morton looked back through the Oxford English Dictionary and found a pile of old terms (such as fussock, runnion, and sow) to describe fat women, and zero words specifically associated with fat men.

The upshot: possibly nothing, other than to suggest that we should think twice before we slap a label on anyone.

Salad, the Unhealthy Option

I think you must have been living under a rock with your brain turned off to be surprised by the latest Yahoo! news story that (gasp, shock, horror) not all salads are good for you.

Yes folks, it’s true—not all plates of leafy greens are created equal. Take the chicken Caesar at Macaroni Grill: 920 calories and 69 grams of fat. Or the grilled beef Caesar at Applebee’s: 1,190 calories and 75 grams of fat.

Keep in mind that a McDonald’s Big Mac has a mere 540 calories and 29 grams of fat.

Of course, it’s hardly the fault of the leafy greens; they’re healthful and good for you. But what on earth must they put in that Caesar dressing to make a Big Mac look like a good dietary option?

For those who are feeling truly remedial, check out this post on the “Top 5 Ways to Ruin a Healthy Salad.”

Beware the crouton and the cream dressing, my friends! Avoid the cheese and the bacon bits.

Didn’t we already know this?

Look Ma, No Canner!

Maybe I just have a case of schadenfreude because Ruth Reichl is the editor of Gourmet and the author of some of the most well-regarded food memoirs since Alice, Let’s Eat, but Reichl’s Gourmet Weekly email newsletter (free, but available by subscription only) today seemed a little too faux-naïf.

In it, she confesses that although she’s never made jam before, she has just finished her first-ever batch of peach jam. Freezer peach jam.

I have always loved the idea of making jam from fresh summer fruit, but canning has always seemed like too much work. The new Ball freezer method has changed all that. All I had to do was stir sugar and no-cook pectin into crushed fruit for a few minutes, ladle the mixture into plastic jars, twist the lids closed, and allow the jars to stand for half an hour.

Hmm, a new method? The Google shows that freezer jam has been around for a decade and a half.

Maybe Reichl had been wanting to make freezer jam for years but the title of this blog post lit the proverbial fire under her ass.

The Wine Route

The ultimate direction of this thread—this thread in my writing, my thinking, my sorting out the currents in my life through the prism of wine—is a fleeting moment on a family vacation. My brother-in-law, with whom there’s been awful friction in the past (I never actually hit him, thank heavens, because I haven’t hit anybody since I kicked Nick Hall’s freaking butt in the eighth grade, and because that would’ve been a catastrophe of my own stupid making), had already put out a gorgeous meal of fresh salmon and good California wines, and now it was my turn to reciprocate, to push our hatchet even further into its grave. But first, a digression on the wines at stake, to better explain the way the night went. I’ve mentioned this quixotic little wine mission before, to the Kermit Lynch wine store—I told his salesman to fix me up with three bottles that Kermit would consider the essence of winemaking done right (but without bankrupting me). To repeat, here are the four bottles I brought home:

2003 Château La Roque Pic Saint Loup
Philippe Colin 2005 Bourgogne AOC
Domaine Maestracci “E Prove” Corse Calvi 2003
Chinon Les Petites Roches 2005 Charles Joguet

The point of this exercise, before it got tangled up with my desire to make a nice gesture to my brother-in-law, in front of his and my wife’s generous, forbearing parents, was simply to taste for myself the sense behind Kermit Lynch’s rants, in his book Adventures on the Wine Route, about the evils of modern winemaking technology. And so, to push this tale a hair further toward its denouement, I’ll offer a little more about each wine (taken mostly from Jancis Robinson’s The Oxford Companion to Wine):

Pic Saint Loup is a named cru in the Languedoc region, in southern France, and the wine has to be at least 90 percent composed of Grenache, Syrah, and Mourvèdre, which sounds to me like one hell of a strong brew. The bottle of Bourgogne, of course, is kind of like designating a Pinot Noir as being from the Napa Valley—it’s the broadest possible Bourgogne appellation d’origine contrôlée. The Corse Calvi comes from the island of Corsica, near the French city of Nice, and it’s a sort of half French, half Italian place. Chinon is a classy AOC near the fancy old bourgeois city of Tours, where they claim to speak the very purest of French, and the winery’s namesake, Charles Joguet, appears to have spoken a very Kermit Lynch language (from the website: “One should not mask the nature of the various terroirs by blending their juices, but instead enhance them through separate vinification”).

And, lastly, the way these wines bounced around with me, awaiting the right moment: in the car as I crossed California, driving up to Tahoe for this in-law get-together; air conditioning so cranked the kids were shivering, all because I didn’t want to ruin the wine; condemned to the bottom of the Tahoe rental condo’s refrigerator for two days, because that seemed better than leaving them out in the 80-degree weather; and finally, causing me a silly amount of handwringing as I awaited the right mood, the right moment to open all these precious bottles and taste them together. Why so precious? Because the project spoke to me so powerfully: As wry as I might be about Kermit’s rants and the rest, I am, at some level, an uncritical native son, feeling that while the elders of my hometown (Berkeley) went about learning and defining the great pleasures of the well-lived life, I was picking my nose and riding my skateboard and chasing girls. And now I want in. I want to understand what Kermit understands. I want to taste wines that taste of place and earth and authenticity. And I want it all to work in some indefinable way. I want these wines to begin some new phase in my wine journey. And that is why, when I began cooking that fateful final meal, the one with which I hoped forever to seal this new peace pact between my brother-in-law and myself, I was already in trouble. (To be continued …)

First Moscow Calories

Moscow, Russia

Team Dinosaur nearly has a nervous breakdown entering the former heart of the USSR. The major roads contain a dozen lanes, six in each direction: wide enough for the Soviets to drive tanks into Red Square. This makes for marvelous auto theatrics and atrocious driving conditions.

Luckily, Mims’s rudimentary knowledge of the Cyrillic alphabet allows him to read the street signs and pilot us to our friend Alex’s apartment building, situated 10 minutes by foot from Lenin’s tomb. But you can only view his embalmed body on the weekend. We are here on a Monday morning, so Lenin is off-limits.

Instead, we eat breakfast at Alex’s local corner store. It’s a closet, claustrophobic with Russian lagers, hot dogs wrapped in pastry, and smoked pig products.

“What do you like?” I pantomime with the cashier, a woman wearing a white paper hat.

She grabs a slab of fatty pork about the size of a dictionary out of the display case. She plops it into a plastic bag unsliced. We return to Alex’s house to face a problem: “I don’t have any knives,” he says.

Using Mims’s utility tool, we slice part of the meat and fry it.

“It’s like homemade Bac-Os,” Andrew says.

Turns out Moscow is an ethnically diverse, cosmopolitan city, and it’s damn expensive. Sushi, Kobe beef, and even Sbarro ersatz Italian eateries abound—at prices reserved for three-star New York restaurants. Most on-the-go eaters stick to the hot-dog-in-pastry option that you can find in the subway stations. I sample one but find it chalky and bland.

I stop a tie-wearing businessman. In preschool-level Russian, I ask him where I can get a cheap lunch.

He motions toward a tiny, easily overlooked restaurant. Its window features a cartoon chef flipping a pancake. Inside, men in suits drink dark beer and eat stuffed, made-on-the-spot blini.

Dozens of varieties are available, but I can’t read the menu. Instead, I point at a picture of a blin overflowing with, uh, beef.

Da?” the brown-eyed cashier asks, also pointing at the picture.

Da!

She pours batter on a circular griddle. It starts browning, she flips it, and adds cheese and what I hope is beef. It comes, like nearly everything here, with hot borscht.

The blin is gooey, satisfying beef bliss. I polish my plate in minutes. Thank you, Mr. Businessman.

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